Dealing with my demons!

busybumblebee

I didn't end up having a chat last night, but not because I didn't want to. I got home about 10pm and he was playing on an online game he plays on and he was still playing on it when I went to bed at 11pm. I didn't want to interrupt him to make it feel all serious, so still haven't talked!

I will tonight though. In fact, today I've looked at all the christmas and birthday presents I have to buy and worked out how much I need to budget each month to pay for everything. Oh my goodness, it's nearly £80 per month!!! There are a lot of children in my family (neices and nephews) and family friends children that we all buy each other for, crikey I never realised how much it was. No wonder I'm in debt, I've never budgeted for that, let alone anything else or things I fancy along the way, jeeeeez!

I only spent £8 when I was out last night though, so I've put the £2 towards a PAD for my CC and it's brought my debt to under the £3k mark... only slightly, but wow that feels good to be £2.... instead of of £3.... This is another good way of talking about things, because it shows I've been looking at the reasons for the debt and trying to do something about it.

I also got my Auntie's present for just under £9, by using the Amazon voucher I'd earned, so I'm within budget for this week so far. Anything I have at the end of the week that was left over from the budget will be going on the CC!

See you later :-)

HeadAboveWater

Soooooo close! I think you've got over your initial fear of actually telling OH now, probably because you're so switched on ref money and you're in a better place and more in control. Brilliant! You go girl!!

Birthdays and Christmas can be :eek: scary!! There's just so many to buy for! Last year I told my siblings (4) not to be buying me and vice versa. Can't say it went down well, and they were kinda hurt unfortunately. But it was the right decision for me. Had my other reasons too but lets not go there Our family have already cut out birthday presents. I'll still buy mum and dad, my niece and nephew, then I've OH and the 3 girls, and 1 friend. That's plenty I think!

Did you see my post on the NSD challenge yesterday? I got £24 worth of No. 7 skin care for £11 (well, less than £9.50 if you count the points I got for it too!) Bargain price for a lovely pressie for my friend

:j to getting your figure to the '2' mark!

jackieblack

I agree with Birthdays and Christmas being scary.

Christmas - we made a decision a few years ago to only buy for any children in the family who are still in education (setting a budget) and our parents. Sent out an email to everyone explaining this, citing 'budget constraints', and no-one batted an eyelid (as far as we know ). I think it's about managing expectations more than actual £ spent.

Birthdays, pretty much the same. We do, however, send my brother and SIL a cheque for a set £ amount, and they do the same for us. May seem daft to 'recycle' the same £ around the 4 of us but we all have/had school age children and this is the way we all feel justified on treating ourselves with that £. None of us would spend that on ourselves normally, but this way we all feel justified in doing so :rotfl:

I totally understand about not wanting to interrupt OH playing his online game - it's pointless me even trying to start a conversation with mine when he's doing that.
Better luck tonight, I'm sure you'll feel better to get it all out in the open

busybumblebee

I know, sooooo close

I've been thinking (again!) about a couple of things he's said to me in the last couple of days and I'm wondering if he knows I'm in debt again (or got a feeling) and been trying to give me the opportunity to say something. Or it might just be my guilty conscience telling me that

I will definitely be on the look out for bargains for presents and using the websites from now on. It's my Dad's birthday in a couple of weeks and it's a landmark birthday, so was planning on getting him something special, so been looking today and found a lovely watch, half price and I get 5% cashback too. HAW, I didn't see your post, but I'll have a look later. I'll have to go on there as may have another NSD today, yay!!

I'm pleased to see that money saving seems to be quite addictive :rotfl:

I shall be contacting all adults to let them know of my Christmas scrooginess to give them plenty of warning!

Watch this space

if_at_first...

Good luck for tonight :T By the sounds of it I think he will be supportive and you have been getting stressed for nothing!

Let us know how it goes - I just subscribed

busybumblebee

:wave:Morning diary and lovely subscribers

Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was very busy and just didn't get chance to log on to the forums. I really missed it!! I think I've replaced my spending addiction with saving money and finding good deals, all good.

You'll be pleased to hear that I've had my chat and it all went well.

I'd intended to have my chat anyway, because I'd made up my mind and realised that I was being ridiculous about getting myself all wound up and stressed about having a conversation with someone I share my entire life with!

However, something awful happened too. On Wednesday I got home and OH said he'd go to the chip shop for tea, which is a rarity in our house. So, we sat down to dinner and I said my little one could have a few chips too, as we don't have them that often. So we're chewing away eating our dinner and suddenly LO starts gagging and choking!!!!! It was awful, he'd shoved too many chips in his mouth at once, tried to swallow and started choking. Both of us started patting him on the back, my OH was trying to pull him out of his seat but he was still strapped in, so I was trying to get the strap undone. Meanwhile LO is going bright red with tears running down his face.

Fortunately, we got him out of his seat, OH turned him so he was sort of laying down and whacked his back again and the offending mushed potato came out of his mouth, THANK GOD!

LO go mega cuddles and I was shaking like a leaf. I was trying to find a balance of giving him comfort and not making him more stressed as he's such a good eater and I don't want him to start having food issues.

After I'd put LO to bed, we sat and chatted about things and I said I'd got something I wanted to discuss. I said sorry I hadn't said anything before and that I hadn't said anything because I knew I could pay it off and sort it out myself, but thought he needed to know. I also said that I'd been a bit afraid of his reaction because I didn't want him to be disappointed with me, but what happened with my LO made me immediately think.... well what's the worst that can happen... he might be mad at me, he might be disappointed, he might get the hump for a few days but he'll get over it. None of that compares to the feeling of absolute terror I felt in those few seconds/minutes when my LO was choking.

It also puts things into utter perspective, yes I've got some debt, but it's not massive and it's not going to get any bigger because I'm not goign to allow it to. Things/objects of desire/things I can't afford - do not matter! They are not worth getting into debt over. The important things in life have always been my family and since the second he was born, my LO has been the centre of my universe and that is what is important and much more worthy of my time, attention and worry.

HAW - you said money is just a means to an end - never have I felt the complete and utter truthfulness of those words, you are so right :A

My OH was ok about things, we talked about how it had happened and what I was doing to make sure it didn't happen again and he said he'd respect what I was doing to get it paid off. I didn't mention the idea of paying less into the joint account, I actually forgot at the time with all the stress of what had happened, but I will mention that another day, as a 'oh, I've been thinking...' I can tell he's a bit disappointed, but he's not said that. I think we were both just so grateful that things had turned out ok with our LO. Nothing like a bit of drama to bring you closer together.

I'm hoping to have a completely spend free weekend. I also made something for a friend of mine and she paid me for it, so that's gone straight off the CC. Bonus!

That was a very long post! have a good weekend all xx

HeadAboveWater

Aw *hugs*

Soooo glad LO is ok! What a scare! But yes, it seems to have put things into perspective for you!

Glad you finally had The Talk, and that it wasn't as scary as you were thinking. It all sounds positive. This is very important:

how it had happened and what I was doing to make sure it didn't happen again

Prevention is better than cure, so they say!!

Def a happy Friday for you! Relax and have a great weekend

jackieblack

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Aw *hugs*

Soooo glad LO is ok! What a scare! But yes, it seems to have put things into perspective for you!

Glad you finally had The Talk, and that it wasn't as scary as you were thinking. It all sounds positive. This is very important:

Prevention is better than cure, so they say!!

Def a happy Friday for you! Relax and have a great weekend

Exactly this^^^
Glad the chat went well and that your LO is ok.
(If it puts LO off chips for a while, it's not the end of the world)

Thanks for updating

girlatplay

I have been quietly [STRIKE]stalking[/STRIKE] reading along and I am pleased you have finally told him and that things are fine. It is such a worry with our wee ones. DD is 12 years old and I still worry about her choking!

Good luck

*Tiptoes back off to lurkdom*

busybumblebee

Thanks again everyone.

I feel much better now it's out in the open and I was clearly worrying too much about it as it doesn't seem like it's been a major issue. I've never thought of myself as a drama queen, but maybe I am after all

I do feel like my diary my suddenly be a bit unexciting I'm going to have to work a bit harder to keep you all entertained along the way :rotfl:

Cash update. I've broken my budget this week because I've bought my Dad's birthday present a week early. Debenhams have a half price watch that should have been £100! It's a big birthday, I wouldn't usually spend £50 on my Dad's birthday present. But I did use Topcashback, so got some cashback for it, not much, but every penny counts!!

I've worked out that once my min payment goes out for my CC (which I forgot about last month!) then I'll still have £35 per week to last me for the rest of the month, which should be do-able. I do have a couple more birthdays this month, but think they'll be getting homemade crafty presents