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Dealing with my demons!
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HeadAboveWater wrote: »I'm sure your OH will be happy that you're being honest with him, you're taking responsibility for your debts, you're on your way out of that hole, and you're looking to your future as a family2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter, south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shadingEverything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the endMFW #4 OPs: 2018 £866.89, 2019 £1322.33, 2020 £1337.07
2021 £1250.00, 2022 £1500.00, 2023 £1500, 2024 £13502025 target = £1200, YTD £690
Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur0 -
Hi there
I've not been about for a few days, as had a mega busy weekend, although managed to spend absolutely nothing, so that's a bonus!
Thank you to both HAW and JackieBlack for your honesty. I agree with all that you say. Jackie, I totally agree with the comment about how would I feel if the situation was reversed!! I know that I would be supportive but feel a bit gutted that he hadn't spoken to me sooner.
I was going to try to talk to him over the weekend, but the time was always wrong. The issue (with me, completely) is how to start the conversation... I don't want to have the conversation when my LO is still up, in case he doesn't take it well. But when I've put LO to bed, I end up coming downstairs and not knowing what to say so don't say anything.
I think I need to force my hand and send him a text or something to say there's something I want to talk to him about and then I've got to have the conversation. I just don't want him to panic and think it's something with us, where we've got to have a 'conversation!'
Wow, this diary started off last week with me thinking about my debt, now I feel like I'm taking a look into my own soul... I really am dealing with my demons and apparently I've got a whole wardrobe full of them!
I'll be back later to talk about money, but for now I'm going to go away and contemplate my self destructive nature!1% challenge - /100%
NSD Jan 7/15
Weight to lose - 6lb/29lb
Learning from the past but focusing on the future :j0 -
I'm a thinker. Well, an over-thinker actually. So much so that I'll pickle my own head and stress and worry about things when there is really no need whatsoever
It has taken time, but I try to speak to OH when things are on my mind or bugging me, now: as in, not the next week, not the next day... now.
Is there ever a 'right' time?! Maybe. Maybe not! I think OH kinda now knows the look on my face when I stand beside him in silence for a few seconds, then say his name :rotfl: Whatever it is we have to talk about, I try to make sure I'm not interrupting anything first of all, hope that the girls are busy so we don't get interrupted by them, and make sure I have his full attention before I start talking.
OH is a talker and I'm a listener though, so probably why I've really had to work on this! I keep having to remind him he's got one mouth and two ears which means he's supposed to listen twice as much as he talks :rotfl:
Less of the self-destructive-ness please!Wealth is what you're left with when all your money runs out0 -
Ha ha... I've actually done that, stood there for a few seconds in silence took a deep breath and then not said a word! I know there's never a right time, I'm just reading too much into things and making excuses for myself.
Here's a list of my excuses for the week of not having said anything:
Wednesday night - OH had very bad day at work and potentially bad news about his job - not a good day for me to talk about debt
Thursday night - OH had a mate come round and they ended up having a few beers - no time and not good talking about things after he's had a drink
Friday night - another bad day and late finish for OH, then he decided to buy a present for out LO - I chickened out of talking about money here too!
Saturday - busy day all day, constantly with other people
Sunday - busy all day, mostly with other people, but also Fathers Day and I didn't want to rock the boat....
Ok, it's definitely official, I'm a full on wuss who needs to get some balls!!!! :rotfl:
I will make a commitment here and now that I will have a conversation by the end of the week! Ok, that's it, it's been said so no more excuses.
Back to money:
Unfortunately I was £160 overdrawn when I got paid this month, which is definitely much more than I was aiming for. So that's £160 down from what I would have paid off of my debts this month. I'm going to try and claw some of it back by being frugal, definitely making my own lunch and cancelling my hairdressers appt for this month.
I'm going to sign up for quidco and the total cashback site and see if I can earn a few pennies there. I know it won't make me rich overnight, but I need to start focusing on the pennies and letting the pounds sort themselves out as the old saying goes. I have paid £300 off the debt today and I'm going to restart the payment a day again (tomorrow) as that did show how much difference little and often can make. I've got some stuff to ebay so I need to get my finger out and list some of that stuff.
I've had 3 NSD's in a row and I'm feeling quite proud of that :T
My budget this week is:
£45 for month bus ticket
£9 (possibly £6) for shampoo and conditioner (on offer)
£10 night out with mates Tuesday night
£10 - £15 on birthday present for family member's 50th
£5 in case of incidental spends (such as LO needing drink/snack when I don't have one)
When I'm out of this hole, I definitely need to budget for birthday's... it's definitely a big portion of spend that I never budget for! Wow, the LBM does make you think about things much more clearly1% challenge - /100%
NSD Jan 7/15
Weight to lose - 6lb/29lb
Learning from the past but focusing on the future :j0 -
busybumblebee wrote: »Ha ha... I've actually done that, stood there for a few seconds in silence took a deep breath and then not said a word!
Next time just start with his name and go from there!!busybumblebee wrote: »Ok, it's definitely official, I'm a full on wuss who needs to get some balls!!!! :rotfl:
Yup! You need to grow a set!:rotfl:
busybumblebee wrote: »I will make a commitment here and now that I will have a conversation by the end of the week!
You're on!
Well done on your NSDs so farIt can be tough, but with lots of budgeting, determination and kicks up the bum, its do-able
Wealth is what you're left with when all your money runs out0 -
HeadAboveWater wrote: »Next time just start with his name and go from there!!
Well done on your NSDs so farIt can be tough, but with lots of budgeting, determination and kicks up the bum, its do-able
2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter, south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shadingEverything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the endMFW #4 OPs: 2018 £866.89, 2019 £1322.33, 2020 £1337.07
2021 £1250.00, 2022 £1500.00, 2023 £1500, 2024 £13502025 target = £1200, YTD £690
Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur0 -
What about starting a conversation along the lines of "[hey, OH's name], got a moment to talk about budgeting? You see, I want to start focussing on this more and I'd appreciate your advice . . ."
Just means you can start softly, doesn't have your OH thinking "Oh God, what's coming" and you can ask questions, especially as you say they're really good with money.
Good luck.0 -
Quick update. Well today has been a fairly good day.
I signed up for the Topcashback site. I signed up for weightwatchers, which did cost me £33 for 3 months, but I was previously doing slimming world which I quit about a month ago and that was costing me £20 per month, so I'm saving there. Plus I get £31 cashback as long as I stay signed up for the next month. I do need to use it too, I got on the scales yesterday morning and I've put on a few pound since leaving SW, so clearly need the stick!!
I also checked my Neilson rewards from the app on my phone and I had enough for a £5 amazon voucher, which is good timing as I can use that towards my Aunties birthday present and I'll go via one of the cashback sites too! Bonus!
I'm feeling much more positive about things today and I feel like I'm ready to talk about things. I'm going out tonight with a couple of friends for a bite to eat, but think I might have a chat when I get home, as it won't be a late one.
We'll see.... you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out :-)1% challenge - /100%
NSD Jan 7/15
Weight to lose - 6lb/29lb
Learning from the past but focusing on the future :j0 -
Oh sorry, I meant to say... thanks for the other comments and tips on how to start my little chat. Maybe I should have a glass of wine or two to relax me... otherwise my OH may end up with a stressed 'stream of consciousness' chat where I just blurt everything out!! Hmm, wine not so good for the pocket or the start to my WW journey! I better sign up to one of the weight loss challenges too..... my signature will be ridiculous soon, ha ha !1% challenge - /100%
NSD Jan 7/15
Weight to lose - 6lb/29lb
Learning from the past but focusing on the future :j0 -
Let us know how it goes2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter, south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shadingEverything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the endMFW #4 OPs: 2018 £866.89, 2019 £1322.33, 2020 £1337.07
2021 £1250.00, 2022 £1500.00, 2023 £1500, 2024 £13502025 target = £1200, YTD £690
Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur0
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