Dating Game and Being in Debt...

[Deleted User]

Just tell him you haven't got alot of money at the moment ( most people are cash strapped right now anyway! )

And ask him if he would mind doing fun things on a budget , like picnics in the park on a hot day , using vouchers and Groupons etc for days out or weekends away..

When I was dating and in a relationship I used to glean the very best bargain offers etc

I got a Tune hotel room for us for 2p , a bus trip to Coventry for 50p each for a day trip , free cinema tickets ( and we brought in our own food and drink ) , half price meals all the time ( a Tastecard is good ) as really , if it's half price then your meal is free! lol

So my now ex wasn't even really paying for me as I just gave him my Tastecard to use anyway but he did use to treat me on my Birthday and stuff

I used to find free drinks vouchers we could use in pubs and bars , food and grocery bargains , cheap wine offers , always got free entry into night clubs , made the most of Happy Hours etc and he got SO much into bargain hunting as well he used to ask me to look for things for him to save money eg if he needed new shoes or a jacket etc and he used to ask me to find us a bargain trip away etc , it actually got to be alot of fun

JimmyTheWig

Bolshie wrote: »

Yes, I have negotiated payments plans with various lenders and after a few months I'll be back on my feet with some surplus income to use for other things (not debt!).

I suppose I'll just need to be honest and let him know the situation, if he's the kind of person I believe he is then he'll understand.

I think this is the best thing to do.

Your alternatives are...
1. Get into more debt by doing stuff with him which (a) won't help you in the slightest and (b) may well (justifiably) put him off if he finds out.
2. Say you don't want to go without mentioning that you can't afford it which will give him the idea that you're not interested.
3. Say you can't afford it without giving any details which will leave him thinking that either you are (a) not interested or (b) reckless with money with no plans to improve.

Yes you're in a tight spot right now, but in a few months time things will have improved. There's nothing wrong with that.
You could even be pro-active about it. Say that you can't afford to go away now, but suggest you go away together in, say, September.

Bolshie

All your feedback has been great so I'm feeling much more upbeat and confident about talking to him.

We'll have a chat over a CHEAP bottle of wine this weekend and let him know whats been on my mind.

floss2

Bolshie wrote: »

All your feedback has been great so I'm feeling much more upbeat and confident about talking to him.

We'll have a chat over a CHEAP bottle of wine this weekend and let him know whats been on my mind.

OP, I had this exact conversation with the chap I was dating back in 2003.

In 2005 I was able to finish paying off my debts. In 2006 I moved into his place and he proposed, we got married in 2010.

Love & debts can work out well together - just be honest & keep up the good work in getting yourself sorted

ostrichnomore_2

Yes, tell him.

I'm far from flush at the moment and new man is skint as anything. Not his fault and he's doing what he can about it.

He told me after a couple of weeks and he was terrified I'd do a runner. But I appreciated his honesty and we have loads of fun doing free/cheap stuff. Sometimes I spend out a bit on something for us, but it's always my idea, and I do it because I want to. If he'd kept it a secret from me for too long I'd have been pretty annoyed and the secrecy would have been something of a dealbreaker for me. Not having money isn't.

Chances are your bloke will understand, it'll be a weight off your mind, and being able to be open with each other will bring you closer. If he doesn't see it that way, then what have you lost? A shallow loser...

ostrichnomore_2

Yes, tell him.

I'm far from flush at the moment and new man is skint as anything. Not his fault and he's doing what he can about it.

He told me after a couple of weeks and he was terrified I'd do a runner. But I appreciated his honesty and we have loads of fun doing free/cheap stuff. Sometimes I spend out a bit on something for us, but it's always my idea, and I do it because I want to. If he'd kept it a secret from me for too long I'd have been pretty annoyed and the secrecy would have been something of a dealbreaker for me. Not having money isn't. He still feels a bit insecure about it sometimes, but it's really not an issue for me.

Chances are your bloke will understand, it'll be a weight off your mind, and being able to be open with each other will bring you closer. If he doesn't see it that way, then what have you lost? A shallow loser...

tayforth

I agree with those who say that you should tell him. I'd tell him that I'm a bit strapped at the moment as I have a few debts to pay, but by X month they'll be paid off and I'll be on a more even footing.

It'll reassure him that you still like him and want to do things, and it'll give you both something to look forward to when your debt is paid off and you can plan more 'expensive' activities.


Plus, he'll respect you for having the sense to concentrate on clearing your debts rather than increasing them! This is important if you two are going to get more serious at some stage - when moving in together, for example, the other person's attitude to money becomes very important!


Being in debt wouldn't put me off a person. Being in debt because of reckless spending/gambling etc, and having no plans to pay it off - that most definitely would put me off.

Takeaway_Addict

Errata wrote: »

Tell him you can't afford it; you don't have to give him the reasons. If he thinks anything of you he'll accept that, if he doesn't he won't.

Its' fair enough though asking why IMO.

Errata

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Its' fair enough though asking why IMO.

Is it? I'd be very wary of a bloke I'd dated for a few months who wanted to know the far end of my financial situation.
"I can't afford x,y,z at the moment because I'm paying a few bills" is all that needs to be said.

FBaby

I left my ex partner mainly because of his issues with debts (and not resolving them).I vowed I wouldn't get serious with someone else in debts. I therefore did make sure pretty quickly that it was unlikely to be the case after I started dating my now fiance. I believe this was my choice and didn't make me a terrible person.

Hopefully though OP, this is not something that is important to your boyfriend, however, if it is, then you might as well make sure you are not getting yourself into more debts because of him as that would only make it worse.