First birthday deceased parent.

Heffi1

Mine was very difficult as I was born on my dads birthday and for the first time I had to 'celebrate' it alone, no one gave it any thought as to how odd it might be for me, they just spent extra time with my mum wondering how she was coping. I got over it and have had another since then, but I was quite hurt that no one gave me any thought at all that day.

troubleinparadise

I think all the "firsts" are the worst, but the anniversaries following still are painful.

I allow myself quiet time, by myself, to do something where I can think, and be alone with my thoughts, but sometimes go wandering round a garden centre, or somewhere that is beautiful and peaceful, away from my normal everyday world.

I know that my losses aren't felt in the same way by my family, so I don't expect them to join in, as it just doesn't mean the same to them - not in a bad way, but it just can't realistically. But at the same time I don't want these "anniversary" days to become maudlin days of mourning either. And as time goes on, there become more of them sadly.

So I allow a few hours of peace, and make sure I'm not doing anything too demanding or stressful, and indulge in easy meals and so on.... and then it is a new day again, and the painful day behind me...

CH27

All the firsts are awful. I tried to distract myself with lots of fiddly jobs or heavy housework.

bylromarha

Sounds like she's not been long gone. So sorry for your loss.

Sounds like my exact scenario last year - Mum died Nov, would have been her 65th birthday in Dec. So what did I do? I went to work? I wept a bit. I smiled as I thought about how hard it was to buy her pressies, so she saved me a job this year. I toasted her with a G + T. I went to bed early. I wept a bit more.

However, as someone above said - it's the random days that get you. I steeled myself for mothers day this year, was fine, put it to the back of my brain and put a smile on for my kids treating their mum. Then broke down the next day as Chris Evans played Living Doll as I got ready for work. Far too many happy memories of that song.

You just kind of muddle through. As you do with all parts of your grief. You deal with it on the day as you need to deal with it on the day. Take each hour as it comes.

All the best

jetplane

I planted a rose in my garden on the first anniversary, my friend always buys flowers for her living room on every anniversary for her mother. I agree with celebrating her life rather than mourning, but miss her every day. x

DianneB

I buy myself some flowers and think about my mum on her birthday and the anniversary of her death.

Savvy_Sue

Dad died 3 weeks before their diamond wedding anniversary, which was Christmas Eve.

He'd been worrying what to get Mum while he was in hospital, I'd made a suggestion and said I'd organise it for him.

So on Christmas Eve, I had to drive 70 miles in a heavy frost to take Mum out to lunch so I could give her her present. Fortunately I had the boys (teenagers) with me: the roads and parking area around her house were like a skating rink, and I'd never have got her out on my own!!!

But giving her that present was very hard.

On Valentine's Day I sent her a card, I said I didn't know if Dad had done that kind of thing (he didn't, as I suspected!).

I always make sure I email her (can't speak on the phone as she is so deaf!) on his birthday, which is also one of her other grandchildren's birthday. And I always email on the date of his death, even if I don't say why.

But I do that for her, not myself, if that makes sense.

brians_daughter

For my Mums I went out to our (mine and Mums) favourite place. Had a little think about all the good times we had, shed a tear but smiled more. I then went home and hugged those I cherish harder than I ever had before. Whilst it will be a hard day for you, it doesn't need to be a sad one.
ETA I also went and bought our fave drink (moet champagne- she had expensive tastes when it came to special occasions did Mum) and I toasted her, and her life and all the great things she had taught me.

I do this now every year. I didn't mean to this year (as a point to prove to myself i think) but i still ended up where I always did, without really realising i was going there and its 25 miles from my home! i figure that Mum never liked to see me sad and i KNOW she would rather i giggle about her screaming stood on a chair, creating havoc about a spider that didn't exist than weeping for an extra day, or an extra conversation that we never had

Rev

I lost my mum last December. 1st. Her funeral was in her birthday. The 7th of December. It was hard to say the least.

At first I was horrified by the idea but decided to celebrate her birthday as she would have. She never once felt sorry for herself. So we had a wake and went for a meal in her favourite restaurant.

This year I plan to do the same. I've always taken her for a meal for her birthday. I will continue to do this and celebrate her.

ognum

Firsts are really difficult, give yourself time and space to think and do what is right for you, take the day to yourself if you feel that is right, spend time with others if hat is better.

I would caution though that while firsts are difficult anniversaries further down the line can be painful too and you do need to be prepared for that as well. There is no 'over it' time in grief, different times are painful for many.

I volunteer for a national charity and help to run a coffee morning for bereaved people, they are a fantastic support group for each other, in tune with how others are feeling.

I hope you find a way to have a happy day whilest honouring your Mum.