First birthday deceased parent.

red_devil

its coming up to my deceased parents birthday soon, the first one since she died. I wondered what did you do on their birthday how did you feel? She missed her birthday by dying a month before?

snozberry

My mums date of death and birthday are only days apart. Things were very raw on her first birthday but I managed to eat a piece of gooey birthday cake. This year, on her second birthday, we went out for a quiet dinner. I try to see it as a celebration of life.

You will be fine. You will be sad and shed the odd tear but you will be OK.

heartbreak_star

I released a balloon for Dad, near the place where the RNLI scattered his ashes.

HBS x

Alikay

All the "firsts" without my dad were horrible - Christmas, birthday, their wedding anniversary, anniversary of death etc. Years on there were other "firsts" to contend with; First big family gathering without him, house move without him there, first piece of amazing good news without him to join in the celebrations.... 11 years on, and I'm still not really OK with it.

Sorry to hear of your loss, red devil: It's very early days and will still be very raw for you. You do get more used to it in time, and devise your own ways of coping....some people like to mark occasions and remember, others prefer to keep busy. Some people need their friends and family round them at those times, others want to be alone with their thoughts.

LEJC

I always try and do something nice for the day...or at least something that takes me away from the mundane of everyday!

The first one is hard, although its only recently that I lost my mum and her last birthday with us was a very special day,so it will be hard when next year the day is without her...my dad on the other hand died a good few years back and now I always do something...even if its only small to remember him...
We do have a little tradition of buying a bar of his favourite chocolate each year and sitting down in the evening to enjoy it!

Hermia

I just went to work as normal. I didn't think it would be a good idea to sit and stew at home. My few remaining relatives don't live near so it's not as though I could have had any sort of memorial dinner.

To be honest, I don't think the first birthday/first mother's day was as bad as other more personal events. In a way that is hard because other people are prepared to be kind to you on birthdays etc, but they are baffled why you are crying on what seems to them like a random day.

Desperado99

I took the day off work and mooched around feeling sorry for myself, It was only a few weeks after mum died and 3 days after mothers day (I was worse on mothers day to be honest). I agree with Alikay, the first occasions afterwards are pretty damn tough.


Hope it goes ok for you x

Kitiara

On the 1st anniversary of my Dad's death last year, the family got together and released some chinese lanterns. We had each written a message on them and as we let them go there was something very comforting watching the messages float upwards "to Dad"

What ever you do the "firsts" are never going to be easy, and this will be our 2nd Fathers Day without him, and no doubt I will shed a tear, but I know my Dad would be saying "ey lass, don't be wasting your tears on me, there are poor bu**ers a lot worse off than me ya knows".

I was given some advice a few months after he died and I have used it when I am sad and it works (well for me it does) .... allow yourself say 5 mins to be "sad" then 5 mins to remember the good times you had, the memories you share and you will find that the "happy" memories will help overcome the sad ones.

The night my Dad died a nurse at the hospice gave me a little bit of paper which I promptly put in my bag and forgot about but found it a few days later and its so very true ....

"Death leaves a heart ache no one can heal .... Love leaves memories no one can steal"

Hope you get through the day ok in what ever way feels right to you red devil, no one will judge you if you sob hysterically - likewise if you smile or laugh no one will think badly of you.

pinkstarsx

Kitiara wrote: »

The night my Dad died a nurse at the hospice gave me a little bit of paper which I promptly put in my bag and forgot about but found it a few days later and its so very true ....

"Death leaves a heart ache no one can heal .... Love leaves memories no one can steal"

I saw this saying online a few days after my Mum passed away last year and was so fond of it, i had the second part tattooed on me a month ago. But the word "is" instead of leaves. And i think it goes for anyone loved and lost

On my mums birthday a few months after she passed, we set balloons off with messages attached to them.
Next week will be a year since she passed away & it will also be my nephew/her grandsons birthday - we told him she must have picked a special day because she would have wanted us to be smiling and not sad in years to come. So i will be going to the crem and laying some flowers but then trying to enjoy some family time with a candle lit for her in the background.

Everyone has different ways of coping - try things and see what works for you. Some people find it easier not to mark occassions with something - each to their own.

Big hugs xx

fififoofoo

funny you should post this.. it's my mums birthday today ... the first after she died last July... its a sad day... the sun is shining and she would have love to see the garden, baby birds etc etc... I don't live where she was buried .. so I will say a prayer for her, cry a little and think of what she would be saying right now 'don't worry about me ... I'm fine ... you just go out and enjoy yourself, i'm quite happy here' god bless you mum x x

red_devil

nice replies thanks.