Any Other DFW's Living At Home?

immoral_angeluk

the only way we could afford to move out was through a housing association!! And only then because we had a baby!

wherediditallgo

Well said, KME91. When you get into debt, you have to make sacrifices in order to sort the debts out, & losing a certain amount of independence is just one of the things you have to accept is likely to happen if you move back home. As you said, if you want to clear the debts you've just got to lump it until they're done. Far better to move back home (& that's what it is - a home, not a hostel full of strangers who couldn't care less about you), than struggle even more to try to keep a roof over your head elsewhere. Most families are willing to help each other out, & it's the family support that counts, whether that comes in terms of putting a roof over your head, making sure you always have dinner round at theirs on a weekend or getting extra shopping in for you.

In my younger days, I moved back home at least 4 times before finally getting a decent flatshare, then eventually getting a flat of my own. Even then, it was years before I managed to wean my mum off giving me the dinner leftovers (usually at least enough for 2 more meals) to take home with me. It takes time, & if you have to do without certain things (like the level of privacy you'd like) until you can get there, so be it. Good for you for recognising that.

KME91

thank you wherediditallgo. My mum's like that too. Every week she'd be 'clearing out her freezer' and bringing me food parcels. she's a star like that.

Molanole

wherediditallgo wrote: »

Most families are willing to help each other out, & it's the family support that counts, whether that comes in terms of putting a roof over your head, making sure you always have dinner round at theirs on a weekend or getting extra shopping in for you.

Well said WDIAG. I'm not sure that if I simply said "mum, we're moving back home for a while" she would particularly like it. But.... if we told her the extent of our debts, aside from having heart failure first, she'd use force to remove us from our flat and whisk us "home" (her house) quicker that you can click your heels three times. No parent wants to see their child struggle. And it's knowing that which makes the difference between those who are simply taking advantage and those who see it as a shortish term means to an end. There will always be those in this life who take the michael and they unfortunately give everyone else a bad name.

wherediditallgo

Molanole wrote: »

No parent wants to see their child struggle. And it's knowing that which makes the difference between those who are simply taking advantage and those who see it as a shortish term means to an end. There will always be those in this life who take the michael and they unfortunately give everyone else a bad name.

Very true. When I eventually got my first flat, I had nothing except a few bits of furniture, some pots & pans, a tv & some books to move in with. My mum loaned me (without me asking) £1000 to get the essentials, so we went to a second-hand shop to get my cooker & fridge & a house clearance for the rest. I can still remember the cooker was £70 (lasted 14 years), fridge £60 (10 years), carpet £50 (over 15 years) & the dining table & 4 chairs were £40 all in & lasted over 15 years. Mum had a notebook in which she recorded all my repayments - she didn't set how much should be paid back as long as it was at least £5pw & I had to pay something back every week. When I was only had £50 left to repay, she told me to keep it. Many moons later, they live overseas & I refuse to let them pay for telephone calls to me (Mum & I can gab for England, but they're pensioners) & I help out wherever else I can. She told me the other day that she's going to pay for me to visit them for 6 weeks in Jamaica later this year to help my recovery from surgery, as she's so appreciative of everything I've done for them & she knows I'd never be able to afford it.

Contrast that with my younger brother, who'd never help anyone without first helping himself too or instead. He's never helped them with a penny - even if it's something as simple as finding out some info in the UK for them, he'll say they should phone him back for it rather than he phone them. :mad: She flatly refused to have him back when he left home, & wouldn't loan him any money either because he was always borrowing money from people, never even attempted to pay anyone back & she was tired of it. She can spot those who will take the mick a mile off.

elantan

wdiag sounds to me like your mum is a gem one in a million can a get a loan of her and your dad ofcourse

wherediditallgo

Sorry, I'm keeping my lovely mum & my OK dad to myself. You can of course borrow a mental image of them.

wannasavemoney

Personally If you have got good parents then lucky you. I was thrown out at the age of 15 cos my dad's new oh gave him an ultimatum (up until then i had been looking after my dad and two brothers, cooking etc). It was a little upsetting when my dear father chose her and told me to leave! Then his new oh kindly told the authorities that i had ran away from home. I ended up in care and when I finally got out of care a year and a half later to rent my bedsit it cost me £13 per week and i was only earning £25 per week on what was then a youth opportunity scheme! From my point of view, if you are lucky enough to have an understanding parent/s, willing to help you out. Think yourself lucky!!

postingalwaysposting

Oldernotwiser, i dont feel like i am sponging of my mother, guite the opposite in fact, i pay house keeping (more than my brother) i buy most of my food, i put petrol (£10) in the car and i buy a 90 wash washing powder when its on offer in work... sadly where i live and the wage i am presently on i can move out comfortably, if i do i will prob end up in debt

Ytaya

KME91 wrote: »

thank you wherediditallgo. My mum's like that too. Every week she'd be 'clearing out her freezer' and bringing me food parcels. she's a star like that.

:rotfl: When I was living away from home, my mum would bring me food parcels too. "I bought this, but then I remembered I don't like it!" or "They were on BOGOF, you can have the free one." Bless her. Since moving back, she can see for herself that I can cook and care for myself quite competently.