Feeling like a bit of a selfish git...

Tropez

marisco wrote: »

I hope it wont come across as if I am over simplifying things but if your job has such a detrimental effect on you why don't you consider a career change? You come across on here as an intelligent, articulate and capable individual who can think on his feet and hold his own. So what holds you back and keeps you in a working environment you don't enjoy?

Because there's not much else I can do (except for that whole novel thing, I'll totally ace that! ).

I live in a fantastic area where employment opportunities range from working in a takeaway, working in telesales trying to con folk into making PPI claims or working in a couple of rather large warehouses... or I could try and sell used Ford's.

I don't have time to retrain to do anything else and really I'm actually quite lucky to have what I have. Somehow I've basically waltzed through my career thus far and I'm earning more than I could earn in any other local industry and still have plenty of advancement paths. Maybe if/when I move up that ladder a bit more, I can move away from dealing with a lot of the more negative things.

I have to be honest, I'm just one of those guys who doesn't like working. The things I enjoy doing don't translate to good career prospects and so I think I'd always be rather negative towards any job. I envy those people who feel rewarded for doing a job, no matter what it is - for me it's a means to an end.

But hey, partner should be home in about 35 minutes... there's always a bright side.

Person_one

Tropez wrote: »

I think if we're honest, I hate my job and hate the way it makes me feel and effects me. One of the things that makes it worth it to me is that it affords me an income and certain luxuries that when I do get to spend time with my partner in a meaningful way we can make the most of it and with that in mind, I have to make it work with whatever my partner chooses to do.

The bolded is your real problem, that's what you need to solve. You need to try and find something that makes you feel the way your partner feels about her work!

If her latest venture is successful, there might then be some financial wriggle room for you to make a change, you could work in her coffee shop while you re-train.

Nobody should spend their working life wishing the time away if there's any way not to.

balletshoes

Tropez wrote: »

Oh don't worry, I do know that it isn't a particularly nice quality to think that way and for clarification, I'm not particularly fond of myself for that thought crossing my mind.

If she goes ahead with it then I'll find some way to make it continue to work because she deserves her happiness and I know that success makes her happy

And... she is cute when she's excited with her plans.

Tropez I think you'll both be fine, you have always struck me as a very supportive partner . Its good that you are recognising the potential issues that may arise if your partner gets this second business.
I know it might not always be possible, but getting one day or even one evening off together where you can have a date/dinner/go for a walk/cinema etc, even if its not strictly every week, might help to keep you strong as a couple - put it in the work diaries like you do other appointments.

tiger_eyes

You sound very patient! I run my own business too and I'm not sure how my girlfriend deals with it - when I'm not working, I'm thinking about work. Not much fun for a partner to put up with.

Kynthia

I think you sound honest and kind. We all have thoughts but it's our actions that show who we are. Although a little part of you worries that this new venture will mean less time together, you don't really want to hold your partner back and love her as she is. You clearly don't intend to stop her or discourage her so don't worry you aren't selfish. If you do start spending less time together, sit down and discuss what you can do about it and you will both make it work.

Tropez

Person_one wrote: »

The bolded is your real problem, that's what you need to solve. You need to try and find something that makes you feel the way your partner feels about her work!

If her latest venture is successful, there might then be some financial wriggle room for you to make a change, you could work in her coffee shop while you re-train.

Nobody should spend their working life wishing the time away if there's any way not to.

I'm just not the loving work kinda guy. I've had a few different jobs before I landed here and none of them gave me that whole "get up and go" feeling. I think it's due to the fact that the majority of my interests do not lend themselves to gainful employment.

And perhaps in some respects I am being unfair. There are aspects of my work that I do like - I do like the fact that I can help people and can save some people a bit of grief and heartache. I do like the fact that my employers offer me a great deal of flexibility and are very complimentary towards my efforts and my performance; I do feel wanted at the company.

There's just a lot that gets me down but I do think if I can stick through where I am now and come out, get a rung or two further up the ladder then things will change.

balletshoes wrote: »

Tropez I think you'll both be fine, you have always struck me as a very supportive partner . Its good that you are recognising the potential issues that may arise if your partner gets this second business.
I know it might not always be possible, but getting one day or even one evening off together where you can have a date/dinner/go for a walk/cinema etc, even if its not strictly every week, might help to keep you strong as a couple - put it in the work diaries like you do other appointments.

Well we had a short chat about it; my partner was much more interested in catching up on Game of Thrones and has headed to the bath now. She is of the opinion that she can afford to employ someone to take over a proportion of her workload at her current business as an Assistant Manager which would still leave her with more work to do were she to take over at the cafe as well but with greater flexibility in arranging her working hours.

She has said that if and when she takes over the second business she will ensure that she never does any work on a Sunday and will ease into leaving for work a bit later than she does at present, which if I can rearrange my schedule a bit more will allow us to go to bed a bit later and given we're both (clearly) night owls that would allow us to have quality time in each others arms (as she did indeed romantically put it!).

For my part, I suggested that when I have extra days off, I could meet her for lunch, which might work. She's also said that she will look at whether she can arrange at least two consecutive days off per month to coincide with the extra days I accrue from working too much overtime.

maintenanceman

i must admit I haven't read this full thread but get the jist that a female partner wants to push and thrive and take a gamble in a viable business venture. I am constantly amazed about how it always seems to be women who want to push for improvement. whether it be property or business. and the guy/partner is not really interested.this isthe overall impression i get from other threads.
These Guys are so smart. leave it to the women so they take all the responsibility and none of the blame. I wish I had one of those wives.

Pollycat

balletshoes wrote: »

Tropez I think you'll both be fine, you have always struck me as a very supportive partner . Its good that you are recognising the potential issues that may arise if your partner gets this second business.
I know it might not always be possible, but getting one day or even one evening off together where you can have a date/dinner/go for a walk/cinema etc, even if its not strictly every week, might help to keep you strong as a couple - put it in the work diaries like you do other appointments.

I agree 100% with this.

I think your 'selfish' feelings about the impact this might have on your relationship are natural and I'm sure I'd feel the same way in your position but the key thing is that you're not going to try to stop your partner trying this new venture.

Tropez

maintenanceman wrote: »

i must admit I haven't read this full thread but get the jist that a female partner wants to push and thrive and take a gamble in a viable business venture. I am constantly amazed about how it always seems to be women who want to push for improvement. whether it be property or business. and the guy/partner is not really interested.this isthe overall impression i get from other threads.
These Guys are so smart. leave it to the women so they take all the responsibility and none of the blame. I wish I had one of those wives.

I'm not really sure why you're under the impression I am "not interested" nor specifically what you are referring to?

I already have a well paying job with several benefits/perks and significant career advancement opportunities. I'm already the youngest person to take the position I currently hold.

I might not necessarily like the job, but I still have it!

I also have several smaller income streams from investments and shares.

I'm very interested in what my partner chooses to do. The fact that she is clearly more entrepreneurial than me is a part of her personality; she shows passion for her work and her ideas and that is what drives her success.

I don't have that same drive, I'll admit, and I would argue that people starting businesses without that drive is one of the contributing factors to the statistics that show that around a fifth of new businesses fail in Year One and more than half have failed in Year Five.

But the fact I don't have that drive doesn't mean that I'm content to let her do everything while I sit around and do nothing. I decried myself yesterday as lacking ambition, but I think I was being too unfair on myself - I already have the next rung on the ladder at my own employer in my sight, and I will get there. I just don't have the ambition to be my own boss.

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree 100% with this.

I think your 'selfish' feelings about the impact this might have on your relationship are natural and I'm sure I'd feel the same way in your position but the key thing is that you're not going to try to stop your partner trying this new venture.

Thank you, that's kind of you to say.

Yep, not going to stop her. In fact she has in a way made me proud of her because she's spotted a golden opportunity to improve her business portfolio and she showed me all her sums and various diagrams and she's really got some good ideas flowing there.

And since my coworkers treat her as my wife, I've already had it confirmed she can take a security services package at a family member discounted rate which will look good on my next quarterly review!

Tropez

For anyone who might be interested, partner has now finished all the necessary documents and legal stuff and as of about 20 minutes ago she has herself a cafe.

I've taken a few days off next week to help her get up and running, sort out her IT related needs, get our folks in to set up her security etc.