Advice needed please-would you speak out?

kezzygirl

sulkisu wrote: »

To be honest, I wouldn't have been 'mentioning' something so personal and private to guests at a children's birthday party.

Once you make your personal business everybody else's business, you can't be surprised that someone has (rightly or wrongly) expressed an opinion.

Pmsl...yes, guests that were ALL family- fil,mil, sil n her partner.that is it.

thorsoak

If you don't want adverse comments to be made about personal business -either expressed directly to you or commented on between others - then keep it to yourselves - that's always been my belief!

maman

kezzygirl wrote: »

Because she should have the guts to say it to my face instead of when I leave the conversation. I don't know why I am letting her rile me....

kezzygirl wrote: »

I was explaining about the time I have with the kids in case somebody asked,but yes I accept it perhaps came across as defensive. I have more time with the kids now,as a student, than I did working ft. I do feel guilty for not being at home with the children, though.

I think you've answered your own question! She's found (deliberately or otherwise) how to push your buttons. If I were you I'd ignore her comments and not dignify them with a response. When I read your post I assumed that she was providing the childcare but now I know she isn't then it's none of her business. She may also be a bit jealous. Some people don't like to see anyone 'bettering themselves' as it makes them feel inferior.

What I think you need to do is be certain of how your DH feels. Has he ever moaned to MIL about the situation? If he's unhappy would he prefer to get a job and use paid childcare? Does this make financial sense? Has the university got crèche facilities?

Personally I wouldn't feel guilty at all. You're pursuing a career. If it was your DH that was doing a second degree would anyone feel sorry for you doing the childcare? As an earlier poster said the world has changed, stop feeling guilty.

Ironically there was an article in today's paper about how common 'househusbands' are becoming. Apparently it's because the girls (who are known to achieve better in education) are now getting to working age and earning better salaries so it makes financial sense for families.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22707433

Maybe they get 'comments' from MILs too!

kezzygirl

thorsoak wrote: »

If you don't want adverse comments to be made about personal business -either expressed directly to you or commented on between others - then keep it to yourselves - that's always been my belief!

I don't understand where I have said that I do not like adverse comments? I have barely replied to any of the comments,I just do not want to be made out like I have wanted to start an arguement/divulge info to a host of strangers at my nephews party?because it wasn't like that.

coolcait

kezzygirl wrote: »

I don't understand where I have said that I do not like adverse comments? I have barely replied to any of the comments,I just do not want to be made out like I have wanted to start an arguement/divulge info to a host of strangers at my nephews party?because it wasn't like that.

I think you have completely misunderstood the point that thorsoak is making.

Your entire thread is based on the fact that you are upset about an adverse comment about your personal business. Your MIL made that comment.

You and your husband left the door wide open for her to make that comment, because you weren't keeping your personal business - you want another baby, but he's had the snip - to yourselves.

No one has suggested that you were divulging personal information in front of strangers.

You talked about personal issues in front of family; family made an adverse comment about your personal issues; you were so fizzing mad that you started a thread about it all.

I agree with the point thorsoak has been making. Keep your personal business personal.

That will limit the ammunition your MIL can use to get at you.

Mojoworking

I read this that you CAN still have kids and OH can't - that should shut everyone up eh!

In the context that it would give MIL something to think about and OH could've said a bit more than "...had the snip" and "really"