Advice needed please-would you speak out?

thehappybutterfly

She does sound out of touch with modern living.

You have my sympathies. My MIL says thoughtless things like this too and over the years I've learned to let it go. Nowadays, as much as I love my MIL, I avoid talking about my life because her comments do upset me - they're not barbed or anything, just thoughtless.

Just let it go.

kezzygirl

Mojisola wrote: »

Good for him - why would you want to wreck a child's birthday party by having a row with her?

Her opinions don't matter - you can live your life in your own way. Why are you letting her rile you?

Because she should have the guts to say it to my face instead of when I leave the conversation. I don't know why I am letting her rile me....

kezzygirl

I suppose this is years of annoyance built up, tbh. I think this is the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak. I will mention it next time I see her,

balletshoes

why would you want to stoop to her level and confront her? He opinions clearly don't matter to you or your DH. If she wants to have a dig, she's only making herself look foolish.

Let it go - she and her outdated opinions don't matter.

meritaten

kezzygirl wrote: »

Because she should have the guts to say it to my face instead of when I leave the conversation. I don't know why I am letting her rile me....

No Kezzy - after years of dealing with a narcissist MIL - you don't want to do that - when they have been stirring the last thing you want to do is give them confirmation that they hit the mark!
Best practice is to not mention it - and if THEY bring it up, look all innocent and deny all knowledge. Frustrates them no end!
She is playing 'mindgames' with you - only way to deal with that is to simulate smiling ignorance - and believe me it works!

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

No Kezzy - after years of dealing with a narcissist MIL - you don't want to do that - when they have been stirring the last thing you want to do is give them confirmation that they hit the mark!

Best practice is to not mention it - and if THEY bring it up, look all innocent and deny all knowledge. Frustrates them no end!

And if she makes comments to you in future, say something bland like "That's one point of view" and instantly change the subject.

You know you're doing the right thing for your family - she doesn't sound as if she was an impressive parent - her views don't count!

kezzygirl

Thanks all. this has just affirmed how horrible she really is, i won't give her the satisfaction the wicked woman.

Pixiechic

I would just ignore it, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a response.

Also, try not to let her comments get in between you and your DH, it's not worth it.

coolcait

How would I feel?

The logical side of me would recognise that the line about "It's not you that has to look after them" is one which is used on a regular basis when someone who's not the 'primary carer' says "I'd love to have another baby".

The same logical side of me would also recognise that I wasn't the 'primary carer' in the sense of being the one who is with the children during the day when the other parent is at work.

Logic would probably also stretch to recognising that not eveyone is comfortable with the idea of the woman being the main or sole earner in a traditional couple or nuclear family.

On an emotional level, I might be upset that MIL had chosen to pass judgement on me, based on out-moded values. Or, I might just accept it as par for the course for MIL - based on what you have said.

From the context of what you have told us, it sounds as if you have an agreement with your OH that he will pass on MIL's comments - no matter how hurtful. So, it doesn't appear to be a case of her 'loading the gun' with her comments, and then leaving him to fire it.

However, mainly I would feel that my OH had defended me well, without having to do any more than say 'really???' - and making her shut up. :T

If you are happy with your life and your life choices, and the way you and your OH are bringing up your kids; if your kids are happy and well-cared for (and it sounds as if all of those things are true) then ignore MIL's comments and move on.

Ignoring her will probably make the point to her far more effectively than any confrontation!

marisco_2

Your mil appears to have very traditional views on how children should be raised and an inability to convey those with tact. She overlooks the very important contribution you make to providing for your children and being there for them. You sound like a fabulous mum to me, very hands on when time permits all the while setting a fabulous work ethos example to your children. They will learn so much from you that will set them in good stead in the years to come.

Something which clearly has not past your husband by because when she raised this with him he questioned her. Rise above it all and don't let another persons narrow minded, outdated outlook on family life upset you. You know and your husband knows full well how much you do for your family and that is all that matters. I am sorry you feel upset though and hope the responses on this thread will go some way to making you feel a whole lot better about things