Advice needed please-would you speak out?

kezzygirl

Hi all, thanks for reading.

I am probably being over-sensitive with this, but here goes:
At the weekend myself, dh and the kids went to our nephews(on dh's side) birthday party.

Whilst there, the topic of conversation turned to children and I mentioned about how I would love a third child, but as dh has had a vasectomy there will be no more babies from us. I then went into the kitchen and dh said 'Yeah, she would love another baby, glad I have had the snip, saves arguments haha!'

Now, dh told me Monday that mil retorted 'Yeah well it's alright but it's not her that has to look after them'
Dh replied with 'really???' and she then shut up.

Now, I really want to text mil and ask her !!!!!! she thinks she is playing at bad mouthing me,but dh has told me not to-and so I am obeying his wishes but feel really frustrated that I am supposed to keep my mouth shut.

I commenced maternity leave in 2006,my daughter was born in March 06.In the Sept 06 I started a degree and graduated in sept 09, having been pregnant throughout my final year with ds,who was born in April 09.

I started working full time in April 2010,after doing agency work in a mh care home for 6mths.My husband stopped working in April 2010 to care for our children, and I have just started another degree in sept 2012.

I have worked hard for our future and always make sure I get quality time with the kids-I bathe them, read to them, bake with them at weekends,make sure dd's homework is done.I do the best I can in the time that I have in a day. So to have mil say this has really riled me.

How would you feel?

meritaten

so your OH is the main carer?
is your MIL the traditional type? you know, mum stays home cares for the kids and Dad brings home the paypacket?
feel sorry for her - she is out of touch with todays world (and I say that as a nearly 60 yr old). to her, its odd that you are the wage earner. I am sure that in her world things were very different. Let it go hun. but, try to explain to her gently that as you are the one with degree you can earn the money to maintain your lifestyle.
I would be having words with OH though - why on earth did he tell you this? does he secretly think the same as his mum?

and you are so defensive about having time with the kids - are you sure this arrangement is working out?

Muscle750

My mil tried to tell us when we were bringing up our children now we have two grandchildren and she tries to tell them how it was in "their day" all ours have grown up and in good jobs however her other daughter and sons kids have not stayed the right side of the law and the annoying thing is she won't say anything to their parents I even said to her once "trouble with you is Mxxx bends over and stick yer sun glasses on"
That certainly "livened things up"
I would keep quiet and take it on the chin you don't want your kids to grow up in a family feud

paulineb_2

Id say nothing and just get on with living my life the way it suited me.

kezzygirl

Thanks for the reply,

She is not his mum,but yes she did stay home to look after 'her' children(dh and his two siblings are not hers and took the opportunity at a very young age to move out due to her mistreatment of them). She had two kids with dh's dad-we were at his 'stepsisters' son's party.(they all class each other a full brothers/sisters,hence the 'stepsister').

Tbh I think it was just a malicious dig at me, which is what winds me up.
Dh and I always have a convo when we leave his dad's regarding what she has said/what his dad has said. I asked why he didn't tell me so I could confront her, he said because he knew I would go off on one.

kezzygirl

I was explaining about the time I have with the kids in case somebody asked,but yes I accept it perhaps came across as defensive. I have more time with the kids now,as a student, than I did working ft. I do feel guilty for not being at home with the children, though.

Mojisola

kezzygirl wrote: »

we were at his 'stepsisters' son's party.

I asked why he didn't tell me so I could confront her, he said because he knew I would go off on one.

Good for him - why would you want to wreck a child's birthday party by having a row with her?

Her opinions don't matter - you can live your life in your own way. Why are you letting her rile you?

phill99

If you are going to say something then do exactly that. Texting is a cowards way out. If you want to say it, then have the guts to do so.

krustylouise

Anything like that that was said about me I'd have to speak to her as otherwise I'd feel resentment towards her whenever I spoke to her or was in her company. You can say something without it becoming an argument.

kezzygirl

I won't see her for a while and so texting is the operative method of communication. The minute dh calls the house, she answers and asks 'dya want your dad?' and then shouts dh's father so a telephone call won't work

meritaten

kezzy - why on earth would this womans' opinions matter to you? she isn't central to your life. Hun - I bet she would love the fact that its wound you up so much you posted on here.
If your OH is happy with the arrangement and the kids are happy - her opinions are meaningless! she said it to wind OH and you up and succeeded!

now if you really want to wind her up - don't mention it! she will be expecting an explosion and will get ..............nothing.