Am I overreacting or am I justified?

coolcait

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I would recommend you read 'why men don't talk and women can't read maps'.

Yes we can!

Explains it all really

I wasn't overly impressed by that book, or the others in the same 'series', tbh.

That may be because my brain seems to be 'wired' to think like a man in many scenarios (Please don't ever give me "I feel for you, hon" -please give me a solution! :rotfl:)

I also don't think that you really need a book to figure out that there's something wrong with this scenario:

- Jim is under a lot of stress at work
- Jim's OH says that she will support Jim through this
- Jim tells a work colleague that he is stressed
- Jim's OH storms out of the house, stays away for 2 hours, comes back 'still annoyed', logs onto the PC to 'talk' to other people, then announces her intention of going to bed

Maybe that's why "Men don't talk"!

marleyboy

I am the kind of guy who leaves work problems at work. I would be more irritated if my Mrs kept nagging me to discuss issues at work (that she could not do anything about). I choose not to bring my stress home from work and would not want any work related stress to overspill into the family home.

I would be more than annoyed to think my Mrs is not only snooping on my text messages as if it was some given right, but then going off the handle about it because I mentioned to a work colleague that work was stressing me out.

Everybody stresses out over work related issues now and again, most tend to prefer to leave their uniform behind when they go home (meaning they prefer not to mix work and play), choosing to deal with it when they return.

I would not want my OH making me feel any worse by forcing me to discuss a work related issue with her, particularly whilst I am effectively away from work. I would not want her to push and push for more information on what I would regard as a work problem, particularly if the most she could do is say "Oh dear". I would not be impressed if, as a result of me saying "Oh its nothing, just stressful work issues I dont want to talk about" she was to storm off in a sulk for two hours.

If there is a problem at home or in the relationship, we discuss them. Else we just say what a good or bad day we each had at work that day and wash them away with a snuggle on the sofa.

CATS

coolcait wrote: »

I wasn't overly impressed by that book, or the others in the same 'series', tbh.

That may be because my brain seems to be 'wired' to think like a man in many scenarios (Please don't ever give me "I feel for you, hon" -please give me a solution! :rotfl:)

I also don't think that you really need a book to figure out that there's something wrong with this scenario:

- Jim is under a lot of stress at work
- Jim's OH says that she will support Jim through this
- Jim tells a work colleague that he is stressed
- Jim's OH storms out of the house, stays away for 2 hours, comes back 'still annoyed', logs onto the PC to 'talk' to other people, then announces her intention of going to bed

Maybe that's why "Men don't talk"!

We have been discussing this for a week or so, what annoys me is that during this week he has acted like it doesn't bother him, now all of a sudden he's stressed. By the way he had gone to bed when I got back and am watching tv. I guess I did get unjustifiably upset so like I said I will let him get on with it

Pixiechic

CATS wrote: »

We have been discussing this for a week or so, what annoys me is that during this week he has acted like it doesn't bother him, now all of a sudden he's stressed. By the way he had gone to bed when I got back and am watching tv. I guess I did get unjustifiably upset so like I said I will let him get on with it

You don't need to 'let him get on with it' but I would suggest that you consider changing your approach, if you really do want to be supportive.

paulineb_2

CATS wrote: »

We have been discussing this for a week or so, what annoys me is that during this week he has acted like it doesn't bother him, now all of a sudden he's stressed. By the way he had gone to bed when I got back and am watching tv. I guess I did get unjustifiably upset so like I said I will let him get on with it

Stress can sneak up on people, you cant actually tell from day to day how you are going to feel.

Its not the nicest thing to suffer from.

balletshoes

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

I don't see it that way, she's more bothered that he isnt coming to her with his problems whatever they were.
My husband wouldnt tell me half the things bothering him, but I'd tell him everything! I think its just the way different people see being a partnership x

i see that - and i think this is a good indication that a couple don't have to "be on the same page" to still be able to support each other. I could tell my OH when something at work is stressing me out, and I do on the very rare occasion its affecting the way I'm reacting to my nearest and dearest at home. But he can't fix it, I'm basically telling him so that he knows why I'm being a cranky cowbag.

Talking it through with colleagues is far more likely to be constructive to me.

Alleycat

CATS wrote: »

We have been discussing this for a week or so, what annoys me is that during this week he has acted like it doesn't bother him, now all of a sudden he's stressed. By the way he had gone to bed when I got back and am watching tv. I guess I did get unjustifiably upset so like I said I will let him get on with it

As I said in my earlier post, the word stressed doesn't have to be that serious. I know I'm not privy to exactly what he has had to deal with at work but it may well be that he has been dealing with things fine but in reply to a colleague he has said he is feeling stressed as there has been a particular incident or just that in general things were a bit busy/someone has narked him off etc that day. It really may not be as big a deal as you seem to be suggesting.

meritaten

CATS wrote: »

Well he didn't open up to me, had he told me he was stressed we would have talked about it, he chose to tell someone else. I left because I got really angry and didnt want to shout or say something nasty. Well if he doesn't want to talk to me about it then I will just leave him to it I guess moving forward

my initial reaction to this was to think 'grow up'! but, on reflection I think you care too much. and your anger is with OH for not opening up to you,but to someone else, so your anger is due to jealousy. which is childish. I would take a good hard look at yourself and exactly why you are the one storming out in anger and your OH is the one with work issues.

Richard53

Men can compartmentalise their lives much more easily than women can. I tend to keep work problems at work, not because I don't want to discuss things with my OH, but because it belongs outside the house, and I would prefer my home to be the place I go to escape the stress, not wallow in it. I have said 'no problem' to my OH many times when it strictly wan't true, just because a bit of quiet time away from it all was what I really needed. Chewing it all over with your home partner just brings it all inside the 'refuge'.

If he comes in stressed, get him a beer, give him a hug, and if he wants to talk, let him. Don't take his one 'quiet space' away.

Frith

If a partner of mine got so angry he drove off for 2 hours, I'd be really worried. It most certainly wouldn't make me want to open up to them.

How do you know what he wrote in the text?