Am I overreacting or am I justified?

CATS

Hi All,

Thanks for your replies. He's not being bullied at work or anything like that. I do know what is going on, hence why I got upset. Anyway am back now I feel calmer but still a bit annoyed, am going to leave it for tonight, am tired.

balletshoes

CATS wrote: »

Hi All,

Thanks for your replies. He's not being bullied at work or anything like that. I do know what is going on, hence why I got upset. Anyway am back now I feel calmer but still a bit annoyed, am going to leave it for tonight, am tired.

Can you pinpoint why you're annoyed?

mountainofdebt

I would recommend you read 'why men don't talk and women can't read maps'.

Explains it all really

Pixiechic

Your intention of being supportive seems to have ended up with you being angry and leaving the house for two hours and maybe adding to OH's stress.

I doubt he intended to upset you, he was just conversing with a colleague.

CATS

balletshoes wrote: »

Can you pinpoint why you're annoyed?

I guess because all along he's been acting like its not a big deal, like am the one who is worried so I have left it and then he goes and says yeah am stressed, when he hasn't even mentioned it before. I don't know I just feel that if he can't be honest and open with me then how can we be on the same page. It might not make sense at the moment

meritaten

No it doesn't make sense CATS - it seems YOU are more affected by OHs work issues than he is! so Yes you are overreacting.

coolcait

CATS wrote: »

I guess because all along he's been acting like its not a big deal, like am the one who is worried so I have left it and then he goes and says yeah am stressed, when he hasn't even mentioned it before. I don't know I just feel that if he can't be honest and open with me then how can we be on the same page. It might not make sense at the moment

I wonder if he's sitting there thinking:

"I shouldn't have said I was stressed! Look what happens when you're honest and open . Herself goes off for 2 hours, god knows where, and comes back still with the hump . Time to put the brave face back on..."

I do understand why you felt the way you did. But I don't think that the way you reacted was the best way of handling things.

How do you see yourself moving forward from this?

MarilynMonroe_2

meritaten wrote: »

No it doesn't make sense CATS - it seems YOU are more affected by OHs work issues than he is! so Yes you are overreacting.

I don't see it that way, she's more bothered that he isnt coming to her with his problems whatever they were.
My husband wouldnt tell me half the things bothering him, but I'd tell him everything! I think its just the way different people see being a partnership x

CATS

coolcait wrote: »

I wonder if he's sitting there thinking:

"I shouldn't have said I was stressed! Look what happens when you're honest and open . Herself goes off for 2 hours, god knows where, and comes back still with the hump . Time to put the brave face back on..."

I do understand why you felt the way you did. But I don't think that the way you reacted was the best way of handling things.

How do you see yourself moving forward from this?

Well he didn't open up to me, had he told me he was stressed we would have talked about it, he chose to tell someone else. I left because I got really angry and didnt want to shout or say something nasty. Well if he doesn't want to talk to me about it then I will just leave him to it I guess moving forward

Alleycat

I'm going to agree with the other posters, that I think you are over reacting a bit. It is hard when you see your partner struggling at work and know that they are stressed out by it all and all you want to do it try and help them sort it out and feel better. But, it may be that all your partner needs to do is to unload the situation.

Work has been particularly trying for me for the past year or so (redundancies, seriously overworked, trying to cut our pay and increase hours and then colleagues getting really difficult to deal with) and I often vent at my husband. He tries to make suggestions of how to deal with it but to be honest, I don't want that. I just want a bit of a sounding board, someone to unload to who will just listen and sound sympathetic at all the right times! I've also tried being there for my husband when things have been rubbish but again he just wants to let it all out without my (apparently not that helpful!) suggestions.

Also as others have said, it is easier to let off steam with a colleague as they can quite likely be also going through the same emotions and have an immediate link to the situation. Please don't let it make you angry or feel that he can't confide in you. He obviously does as you know what's happening but sometimes we need to deal with things in our own way and having a partner who we can feel safe in ranting to is worth it's weight in gold.

Edited to add: I often use the word stressed but it doesn't necessarily mean anything really serious. Just that today has been a particularly trying day but nothing to worry about in the grand scheme of things. Maybe the use of the word stressed isn't as serious as you are worried it is?