Executor Duties

bylromarha

Couldnt read and run - so sorry for your loss.

The next part as the grief starts to kick in as you deal with the estate is another job to do. Take each day, and form, and bill as it comes.

Post any questions you may have on here - many people can help.

Try to give yourself headspace away from sorting it out every now and then.

Know that your mum is never going to change - deal with her a day at a time too.

And know that your dad would be very proud of you dealing with all this stuff - he wouldn't have chosen you as executor if he didn't have full faith in your abilities to fulfill his wishes.

All the best.

AE-January2013

I'm sorry not to have read this sooner - not been around as I'm not in a great place myself.

But I wanted to say so so sorry to hear of your loss, and subsequent family issues.

I'm coming to terms with losing my Dad just before Christmas, and also being the executor too.

I echo what Bylromarha :A has posted - be kind to yourself and take breaks from it. The funeral and cremation are simply the first step. You've done that bit. So well done indeed - the service and music sound lovely.

You will have complete support on here so keep posting any thoughts or questions. There is nothing like the triple whammy of death, family rubbish and executorship to deal with. You have my absolute understanding of that.

I'll say to you, what was said to me - this role of executor is an honour to you, an act of love to someone who was - and still is - central to your life. There is no rush, there are plenty of days, weeks, months ahead to deal with the paperwork side of things.

Take as much time as you need, and be numb, cry, howl (as I still do) as you feel is necessary.

Take care, and big hugs to you xx

SlimmingSusan

There is something I need to ask, but probably belongs on the benefits board, am not ok, so hope the questions will be directed in the right direction.

I was on carers allowance till dad went into the nursing home where he died. I duly informed as requested. I then went onto Esa with depresson and anxiety- genuine. I saw dad going downhill, could not cope with mum. After dad died thought was having a heart attack at 6.30 in morning. Turned out to be a panic attack. Ambulance has been round here 4 times over last month as had suicidal tendencies. No excuse, just the truth. I have my ESA medical on Tuesday. Letter arrived on day of funeral.

Mum is on AA, having eye operation on 13th June, then her second knee replacement on 20th (last one was 18 years ago).

I pushed my mother behind my dad in church, Mother is difficult- it is obvious that she could not have been caring like she thinks she was. I'm in counselling for that, am under mental health services. What do I do re ESA medical, descriptors printed off but I am a coper.

GP has said she willl support me to end of the earth.

Mojisola

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

I was on carers allowance till dad went into the nursing home where he died.

Mum is on AA, having eye operation on 13th June, then her second knee replacement on 20th (last one was 18 years ago).

Do you care for your mother now? If so, you could claim CA for looking after her and forget about ESA.

SlimmingSusan

Mojisola wrote: »

Do you care for your mother now? If so, you could claim CA for looking after her and forget about ESA.

Yes, am there all the time, way more than the 35 hours, even thinking of going to stay with her for a while. Problem is, Mum is in denial, would she have to sign to allow me to claim CA for her?

Have just been onto NHS direct yet again as my anxiety is horrendous.

Mojisola

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

Yes, am there all the time, way more than the 35 hours, even thinking of going to stay with her for a while. Problem is, Mum is in denial, would she have to sign to allow me to claim CA for her?

Have just been onto NHS direct yet again as my anxiety is horrendous.

Yes, you can see the form here - https://www.dwp.gov.uk/advisers/claimforms/ds700sp_print.pdf

Is there anyone else who could have a word with your mother about the amount of time you are spending caring for her and that she needs to sign the form for you?

If your mother is now living on her own, your claim for CA might affect the amount she receives.

As you are a "coper", you should get someone else to help you fill in the forms so that they can ask you objective questions about how you manage day to day. "Copers" tend to under-rate their needs and problems.

SlimmingSusan

Thanks Mojisola.

Mum does not receive pension credits or anything like that. She has lots of savings, and everything of Dad's is going to her ( really must get the will viewed and take the first steps on that). She has also, already, informed the pension service of dad's death, and will be getting widow's pension, as well as her civil service one.

She just seems to think I can live on fresh air. The 71 a week ESA has largely been used towards diesel running her around here there and everywhere, Just cannot face dwp at the moment, let alone talking to mum about it. She just isn't interested in my welfare at all :-(

Mojisola

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

Mum does not receive pension credits or anything like that. She has lots of savings, and everything of Dad's is going to her ( really must get the will viewed and take the first steps on that). She has also, already, informed the pension service of dad's death, and will be getting widow's pension, as well as her civil service one.

She just seems to think I can live on fresh air. The 71 a week ESA has largely been used towards diesel running her around here there and everywhere, Just cannot face dwp at the moment, let alone talking to mum about it. She just isn't interested in my welfare at all :-(

In that case, I think you've got to go into self-preservation mode and step back from all the caring. She's got plenty of resources to employ carers for what help she needs.

If you carry on as you are, you're going to end up too ill to help her and then she will have to buy in care.

There will be people who can help and support you on the Benefits board or the Marriage, Relationships & Families board who don't look at this one so put a post on one of those about these problems. You're going to need help to get past these problems - knowing that there's a group of people rooting for you can give you the strength to carry on.

SlimmingSusan

Once again thank you Mojisola.

I really do appreciate the support I've had on here since dad died 2 weeks ago, I don't think I'd have got through without it as am totally alone in this, my kids are grieving in their own way, but they are now back at work, getting on with their lives, and I'm sat here in a mess.My ex husband has even abandoned me, though he never left me alone for the 6 years since we separated.

I've spent my whole life looking after the others. Staying at home to bring up our kids, whilst he bulit his career, then my parents, and I really feel lost now.

I have been offered a place at the local university in september, and will be over 50 if I actually make it there and graduate. I applied after deciding that mum's manipulation had to stop. I went to grammar school then they did not want me to leave home and go on to uni back in the 80's. She wasn't happy after I plucked up the courage to tell her about it a week ago.

I need to get well by september, or will have to defer a year. So should I just face the ESA medical do you think?

If I post on the other boards, how do I post a link to this thread to save me explaining it all again?

Mojisola

Copy post 24 off here and then use it as the opening post in a new thread - I think the Marriages board would be best because you do need the support that the usual contributors will give you.

If you open the thread, I'll post a link back to here for others to read.