Executor Duties

SlimmingSusan

My father passed away on Wednesday after a long dementia battle, so I have not been aware of his wishes until the undertaker asked a question to my mother this morning - who are the executors of the estate and do they object to the arrangements you are making.

My mother spluttered and said that I, their only child, and my ex husband are executors. I hadn't even thought about it.

I know that everything will go to mum- as it should, but I really want to carry out my dad's wishes as my last act to him.

My mother has told me exactly what will happen at the funeral, has been controlling and nasty to me during his illness, and I am determined I will do this.

I can't think straight, do not want to do anything for a while, the funeral is a week today. I was under the impression he wanted to be buried, but mum decided that 'she could not leave him in a hole and walk away' so he's being cremated.

Should I be doing anything now? Mum said she has taken most money from their joint accounts, but I know there are shares and other things solely in has name.

I want the family to realise that dad trusted me enough to do this, and have just been talking to the undertaker and told that executors have more say than next of kin, but if I haven't seen a will, what do I do? If it come out that his funeral wishes are in his will, but I've just let her decide differently, it will screw me up forever.

mountainofdebt

tbh I always thought that the executor dealt with carrying out the wishes as per the will and didn't have a veto when it came to the funeral - I always thought that was the next of kin's role.

Perhaps a diplomatic chat with your mum is on order?

SlimmingSusan

yes, am sort of thinking in circles, and there seems no point rocking the family boat.

I just want to do it right, and after all, she has to live with it also and I want her to be ok with this massive occurence.

Just stuck in the middle trying to do the right thing, and nobody to talk to.

pattycake

My late parents' wills stated that they wished to buried. This requirement should be stated in the will so should not be overruled by your mother if his desire was for burial.

Have you had sight of the will? Is your ex-husband willing to undertake the duty of executor? He is within his rights to relinquish the role.

SlimmingSusan

Thanks Pattycake. Just rang solicitor who is the 'family' one, and I know him, and he's going to access the will, and just let me know if there is anything specific.

Just spoke to ex, who is as shocked as me, and he's being ok about it, will look into the relinquishing thing- the solicitor did mention that.

Only bothered about the funeral thing at the moment and was panicking as bank holiday weekend.

RAS

SlimmingSusan

Am a bit surprised but I think the Fd may be getting at the following.

1. It is the responsibility of the person who instructs the FD to pay for the funeral. Often the next of kin.

2. However, the priority debt paid from the estate before all others is the cost of the funeral.

So the FD wanted to know if their bill was going to be covered by the estate or whether mother is going to be paying, in which case he needs evidence that she can afford it.

pattycake

Good luck Susan. I lost my dad at the end of last year so I know how traumatic things can be. Luckily, my brother and I who were joint executors and only beneficiaries get on very well and settled the funeral arrangements and the will without any conflict.

We did the probate ourselves and at a cost of less than £150. When my mother passed away four years ago, a solicitor did the job. It took over a year and cost over £2K. This time we resolved to give it a go ourselves and did the whole thing in a matter of weeks. It was a fairly simple matter though as there were just the two of us to benefit. There was a house and cash in the bank. Nothing too complicated.

getmore4less

Get a hold of/look at the will ASAP.

There may be other stuff in there that needs attention promptly.

You will likely need a few certified copies of the death certificate , these should have been got when the death was registered but can be got from the registrar office if needed.

In the mean time research the two main forms and the notes that go with them, PA1 and IHT205 these will give you an idea of what will need doing.
http://search2.hmrc.gov.uk/kb5/hmrc/forms/ihtforms.page

Loads of on-line help that bullet point the steps.
google what to do when someone dies
a lot of usefull HMRC links
http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/bereavement/

SlimmingSusan

getmore4less wrote: »

Get a hold of/look at the will ASAP.

There may be other stuff in there that needs attention promptly.

Do I have the right to do this- I did ring the solicitor just to ask that he access the will asap (Tues) just to make sure there is nothing in there about the funeral- everything else can be left.

My mother signed the form with the undertaker at the same time as telling me I am an executor.

If there is something in the will, then, can that be overidden?(SP)

I hope to goodness not (nothing in the will)

Have been to the 'family meeting' tonight

It's really upset me

Love you dad

I do not want this responsibility, but again I do, as my dad was the most unassuming lovely man

As for the death certificates, mum and my son went yesterday. Mother blocks me out all the time, did during dad's illness, was talking over me at the family get together to arrange for my ex husband to do the tribute. All I've got is the fact he took me mushrooming in local countryside at dawn- no wonder I'm under mental health services as dad's illness progressed

SlimmingSusan

RAS wrote: »

SlimmingSusan

Am a bit surprised but I think the Fd may be getting at the following.

1. It is the responsibility of the person who instructs the FD to pay for the funeral. Often the next of kin.

2. However, the priority debt paid from the estate before all others is the cost of the funeral.

So the FD wanted to know if their bill was going to be covered by the estate or whether mother is going to be paying, in which case he needs evidence that she can afford it.

RAS- no- see what you are getting at, there is no problem paying for funeral whatsoever.

When the UT asked the question, I knew that, they have money. He left, and mum turned round to me in front of my son and his partner these words 'you may be executor, but you are not getting anything'

I always knew this anyway, never crossed my mind, as respected my parents marriage, and to me it is just given that things pass to the last surviving spouse, especially after 59 years of marriage.

Dad would have been 80 the week before fathers day

dzug1

If you are executor you have to have the will - the original not a copy. You can't do your job without it.

If people are trying to prevent you having even a copy then walk away from the job. Leave it to the solicitor making it clear his fees will come from the estate - not you.


You don't have to be executor if you don't want to be