Some days I feel enormously broody...

Kynthia

stiltwalker wrote: »

ETA: Kynthia - I was secretly dreading the very early years as I am not a baby person - envisioning my self surviving until they started to respond and actually 'do stuff'. I was looking forward to the toddler years and sticking and crayoning and playing in sandpits etc and onwards. However I mightily surprised myself by finding my tiny babies the most fascinating things in the world! - Still can't be wotsitted with anyone elses tiny babies though and will happily wait for 'doing stuff' with them rather than clamouring for cuddles with small smelly people!

Thanks for the comments above. I actually think i'll prefer the baby time to toddler time. I'm really hopeful that I'll also have the adult relationship with my children that I have with my mum now. With having a small child, I can't stand the thought of having to constantly entertain them, play mind numbingly simple games and do 'arts & crafts' things. I'm not creative or patient and not into children that much, and I like my own time. However I do think I will change when it's my own child and my husband is fantastic with small children, is very patient and keen to reduce his hours at work to take on the bulk of the caring. I think I see the downsides to being a parent more than the upside because only the child's actual parents truly see the upside.

Person_one

mrcow wrote: »

Well it's not a decision for you on your own.

Actually, I think it sort of is.

Its such an important decision with such potential consequences that its not one where compromise is really an option. Nobody should have children if they don't completely, definitely, 100% want them no matter how much their partner might.

OP, I'm your age and while I love my nieces and nephews and my friends' children the thought of being completely responsible for an actual human life from birth is still just as terrifying a thought as it was when I was 16. Its incredibly hard work, pretty relentless for many many years and it never really stops. Its a heck of a lot to commit to if you're at all ambiguous.

BritAbroad

kloana wrote: »

...and then, within minutes, I think "oh hell no!".

No to the pain and changes in my body, no to the nappies/sick/sleepless nights, no to the (possible) career disruptions, no to the financial constraints, etc.

I know that the above probably sounds like an immature and uninformed assessment of the complete picture of motherhood/parenthood (and to some extent, it is).

Actually, I don't think the 'nos' you've listed sound immature or uninformed. I think they're a realistic, though probably incomplete, list of the downsides of parenthood. And that's important. Far too many people have children without properly considering the negatives as well as the positives. Unfortunately, too many people have them with the expectation that others will feed, house and clothe them.

The concerns you've listed are totally valid, and are amongst the reasons I've chosen not to have kids. I'm now in my mid-30s and and am comfortable with that decision. As someone else said, no one should ever feel obliged to have children because a partner wants it or if they don't feel ready. It's perfectly okay to choose not to have children if you want.

neverdespairgirl

I agree with other posters on this thread - it's fine not to have children, and we are very lucky in that we have a choice, for so long, women didn't.

I never envisaged children as a big part of my future, and was much more career-orientated - OH and I moved in together when I was 20, and he was 19, and I'm now 35. WE're both barristers, which is a fairly absorbing career path.

We have a son, who will be 8 next month. He wasn't intended, but was determined to be born (-:

I've never been the sort of woman to coo over random infants in prams, etc - and toddlers can be very frustrating. For me, though, my own son was completely different. Again, not all women feel like this, but I certainly did.

For me, staying at home didn't feel right, and apart from a fairly short maternity leave, I didn't. I love my son dearly, and can't imagine life without him.

OH and I are now talking about trying for number 2 next year - I'll be 36 then, so if we want to do it (which we both have decided we do) it wouldn't be a bad idea to get cracking.

I didn't find pregnancy much fun, but it's a very short time out of your life, really, so I wouldn't make a decision based on that alone.

embob74

I can't really comment on whether to have children when you're older as I had 2 when I was very young but I do have experience of very irregular cycles.
I fell pregnant naturally with my son after years of rarely having a period. In fact I thought I was going through the menopause!
So irregular periods don't necessarily mean you will struggle to conceive.

My doctor was never bothered about the lack of periods but did do some blood tests for hormone levels. The MW I saw when pregnant DID think it was an issue that needed investigating but I have never pursued it. I found the old cliche of just letting it happen worked well for us as we tried for a year without result and when we decided wit wasn't going to happen and we should live our lives accordingly that's when it happened!

Moggins_2

I think a lot of your reasons not to have children are only short term things that are quickly over with. The pain for instance though hell at the time (I had my son last year) is soon forgotten I can barely remember it now! I had a very easy pregnancy no morning sickness and hardly put on any weight the only issue I had was he hardly ever kicked so I had to be monitored a lot. I'm not at all a baby person and still only really like my own or those in the family. I don't go to baby groups at all. I'm lighter now than I was before I got pregnant and body is no different other than a few stretch marks and my pelvic floor! They aren't in nappies forever either and not all babies are sicky. Just wanted to reassure you that a lot of your concerns are only in the short term. I was 21 at the time and it took me 8 months to conceive which was longer than I expected

lazer

I am the opposuite of a lot of you on here - I have always wanted Children and coud never imagine my future without them.

But - I am now married, relatively financially stable etc and in a position where If we wanted children we could start trying.

But now the idea of them scares me, there as another human being completely dependant on you for feed them, clothing them, making decisions about schools etc - it's terrifying!

I am 30 years old, husband 31, so we need to decide sometime!

janninew

lazer wrote: »

I am the opposuite of a lot of you on here - I have always wanted Children and coud never imagine my future without them.

But - I am now married, relatively financially stable etc and in a position where If we wanted children we could start trying.

But now the idea of them scares me, there as another human being completely dependant on you for feed them, clothing them, making decisions about schools etc - it's terrifying!

I am 30 years old, husband 31, so we need to decide sometime!

I think feeling like you do is very normal and shows that you would make an excellent parent! I felt exactly the same, settled, married, good jobs, own home, savings etc and we talked about children a lot but was always to scared to take the plunge! One of my work colleagues had a baby and brought her in and after a cuddle I just decided to go for it! Told my husband, came off the pill that day and a month later was pregnant! I was terrified and had all the same feelings you're having, I think most women are scared when they see that line on the pregnancy test! These feelings do lessen though as your pregnancy progress and being a parent is bloomin hard work, but so worth it!

Claree__x

lazer wrote: »

I am the opposuite of a lot of you on here - I have always wanted Children and coud never imagine my future without them.

But - I am now married, relatively financially stable etc and in a position where If we wanted children we could start trying.

But now the idea of them scares me, there as another human being completely dependant on you for feed them, clothing them, making decisions about schools etc - it's terrifying!

I am 30 years old, husband 31, so we need to decide sometime!

I'm like you, always wanted kids, couldn't imagine not having kids. I'm now 6 months pregnant and have the exact same fears that you list above - it's natural. You never know how you'll cope until you have to cope. I trust that we'll be great parents and I have an amazing support network to help.

Gotta tell myself that anyway or I'd be a wreck most days :rotfl: