Some days I feel enormously broody...

Molly41

40 is not "old" to be a dad.

motherofstudents

I don't think it's unusual to feel like you do. Could you give yourself a timescale eg don't get pregnant in the next 12 months and that way the pressure might be off you and you will be able to make a decision. You have plenty of time left and as above, 40 is not old to be a dad. It's hard to know how you will feel being a parent when you have never been one.

Red_Elle

I don't think you necessarily do know when the time is right. DH and I went back and forth for ages before deciding to go for it. I'm 36 and 8 months pregnant now and he's 33. We got pregnant the first month of trying, so there was no going back!

Despite all my research I can say categorically that pregnancy is nothing like I expected it to be and that aspect of it didn't even come into our decision making process.

becca0417

I feel like this and I've been ttc for over a year. I love kids (I'm a teacher!) but I still have thoughts of well maybe I'd find it difficult & am I actually ready to give up my independence.

I think for some people there might not be a right time but I knew for us it was when we started saying when we have kids, when we have a baby etc.

ETA that you do also need to take into account fertility issues. I never ever expected it to take us this long to conceive or to need help. But we do & I don't know how I would deal with that if I'd waited until we were 100% 'ready'.

kloana

Great responses, thanks.

I'm not concerned about my age (yet). I'm a little concerned about OH's. I don't want children now now now (if I do at all), but every year puts OH closer to 'certifiably old dad' category. That said, he already is a dad, so he's under no illusions (other than perhaps the illusion that it'd be as 'easy' as when he was 22 :rotfl:).

I've also been on the pill for 5 years solid. And 8 years in total (on it at 18, off it at 21, back on it at 23). Last time I came off the pill, it took 18 months for my first non-pill period to arrive. Not sure exactly how that tallied with my actual fertility (if at all - and I'm aware that you can conceive straight away), but realistically speaking, it'd likely be a good few months, or longer, before I was properly fertile. Assuming of course that I'm fertile at all, or that OH still is

I'm off the pill now (nowt to do with TTC - as I'm not!!), and have been for 3 months. Not even the remotest sign of aunt flo or her associated signs and symptoms (and no, I'm definitely not 'with child').

Noctu

No advice but I will be following this thread with interest - I'm 27, DH is 33, and having similar thoughts but more on the 'no' side for me.

anderson8

Meant to say I'm also 28, had ds at 25 and I'm expecting another in July.
Hubby is 46 and is so much more energetic with ds than most other dads I know my age.everyone is different

Kynthia

Many of us don't know when it's right. I've reached the age where we need to decide one way or another so after careful discussion we've decided to go for it. I just can't imagine being 50 or 60 and childless even though I'm terrified about the early years. I'm know that it will involve big sacrifices and drastically change our lives, and i'm worried that I'll miss our current lives and that I'm too selfish to be a great mum. However I know I will really love our child and I'm more mature and sensible then many I know who then became good parents.

It's taking a while to happen though. Maybe you could try a different contraceptive method until you've decided for sure, such as the coil or IUS or ask your nurse?

stiltwalker

I was 31 when DD was born and 33 with DS, DH was 42 and 44 respectively. I never ever wanted kids until I got together with DH at 30 and then overnight changed my mind completely. We started trying straight away thinking it may well take a while to fall then within 3 months, bang! DH is probably a similar age to your OH (or will be by the time you are ready), this is first time fatherhood for him but TBH he is probably a better, more hands on father now than he would have been when younger. He is also more confident, more together and a better role model to our kids as they grow, so don't knock the older dad.

One other thing to consider is that both our kids have disabilities (genetic, so absolutely nothing to do with age in our case) but the chances do rise ever so slightly with older parents - Again to be fair I think we are actually better able to deal with this because of our ages and life experiences. This will also go for any other challenges parenting throws at us - we may not quite have the stamina of our younger selves (can't imagine pulling an all nighter by choice these days - lol) but we have more patience, more experiences to draw on and more resources, both financial and inner.

I didn't have living grandparents growing up and yes when I thought about it I did miss them a little, however your potential kids would have your parents in this role. DH's very elderly parents who are more of a concern than a help are probably more of a point to factor in than absent grandparents (trying to word this very delicately as I am actually very fond of them).

Hope this is food for thought. Whatever you decided may you be happy with it! X

ETA: Kynthia - I was secretly dreading the very early years as I am not a baby person - envisioning my self surviving until they started to respond and actually 'do stuff'. I was looking forward to the toddler years and sticking and crayoning and playing in sandpits etc and onwards. However I mightily surprised myself by finding my tiny babies the most fascinating things in the world! - Still can't be wotsitted with anyone elses tiny babies though and will happily wait for 'doing stuff' with them rather than clamouring for cuddles with small smelly people!

claire16c

It can take a while for periods to come back after the pill but I don't think 18 months is normal! So if its been 3 again this time and still nothing I would go to the dr to get it checked out in case you have pcos or something like that, that might also help you to decide. For example my friend was having problems with her periods, but wasnt planning on ttc for another year. But it turned out after a drs visit and follow up scan she has a problem with her uterus so is now starting to try earlier.
Sorry I don't mean to alarm you but I'd be worried if it was taking that long!