Relationship Advice

sk240

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mumonashoestring

Have you talked to her about this? Does she know how unhappy the situation is making you?

If she's unhappy with some aspect of herself and she's trying to reinvent herself as a 20-something to try and put it right then she needs to give a bit more thought to the impact her choices are having on the person she made a lifetime commitment to.

marisco_2

Have you tried to sit down and have a very frank and open discussion with your wife about your justifiable concerns over your relationship? That really needs to be your starting point. I would very much hope hope that when you did this, she would respect you and value what you share together enough to want to discuss problems, share her viewpoint on it all and then be willing to work with you to resolve the issues between you.

Strong couples accept that in their relationship there are going to need to be elements of compromise. That doesn't mean either one should be limited by what they enjoy doing. Each person should want to take their partners feelings into account and to find a healthy balance of doing things together and seperately. That all comes down to showing respect and treating each other decently.

This should be a fun and exciting time of your life together. Buying your first home, working as a team to put your stamp on it and make it yours. Spending real quality time together and making the most of these first special years of being married. You need to address the problems you have advised us of before you two completely drift apart. Something I am sure you want to avoid at all costs. I hope your wife feels the same way, for your sake.

FBaby

As you've describe it, it doesn't sound good It is healthy for some people to spend time apart, my partner and I do things separately regularly, but we also do a lot together and we always 'ask' if we plan to go out with friends at week-ends in a 'is it ok if I go out with x on Saturday? We will be down the pub for a few hours and won't be late' type of conversation.

If she plans it all without consulting you, just informing you at the last minute, it strikes to me as showing a lack of respect. Does she ever ask about doing things together? Do you ever go out together? Does she tell you that she loves you?

Scrapaholic

Doesn't sound right to me as this should be an exciting time for a couple,new home etc . I think you should talk about the situation but really, why have you not talked about this with her already ? I think communication is vital in a relationship . You shouldn't have to beg her to spend time with you . How do you feel about her ? I really hope you both can improve the situation .

jackomdj

Doesn't sound good. How long has she had these friends? If you have been together since 2001 they would have only been about 10 back then if they are early 20's now!

whitewing

Are you the first in this group of people to settle down? Maybe that will account for some of it. Time may well sort your situation out, even if you do nothing; however, I don't see the point in you remaining unhappy with the situation.

My friend and I were both married. Then he relationship ended, and eventually she started dating again. I did find that made me feel like I was so boring but of course once you start counting your blessings you do make an effort again and be very grateful with what you've got.

lika_86

Do you know that she's with her friends? My first thought was that it sounds like she's having an affair.

marisco_2

lika_86 wrote: »

Do you know that she's with her friends? My first thought was that it sounds like she's having an affair.

I really hope that this isn't the case, though to be completely honest it had crossed my mind too. From what has been disclosed here the OPs wife seems to have decided that she wants to lead the equivalent of a 'single' life whilst being in the safety of her relationship. That shows no regard or concern and total contempt toward the man she married. Not the way to treat the person who should be most special to you.

If our gut reactions are right then that would be awful. To go behind a partners back and betray them by having an affair is a vile act. Bringing a third party into the equation never solves existing problems, it just adds to them and causes such harm.

DUTR

lika_86 wrote: »

Do you know that she's with her friends? My first thought was that it sounds like she's having an affair.

That was my 1st thought too,
OP I'm single and if you are married and getting it less than me, then I'm staying single :cool:

abailey54

Has your wife long been in her thirties? Some women go a bit loopy when they turn 30 for a while

Sounds like you have lots of talking to do, it could just be that she's trying to occupy herself to avoid thinking about things that are on her mind - and if she doesn't want to think about them then she isn't likely to want to talk about them.

But to a certain degree she has a responsibility to look after your feelings and to explain changes in behaviour. That's my opinion anyway.

It's common courtesy to ask before making plans, I wouldn't dream of making plans before saying to hubby 'do you mind if...', of course he never says no but...