Struggling with Dad after his stroke- long post!

vanessav

What a hellish situation for you all to be in. You will soon have to concentrate on birth and your newborn and you may have to let your parents' situation go into crisis. In the meantime, your GP needs to make sure that your Dad is known to his local Elderly Psychiatric Service as he needs to be assessed. If your Dad is having thoughts upon which he is getting fixated, then he will get distressed. He may keep forgetting the last time he got upset and so is stuck in a cycle. This is awful for everyone around him (and him). There are medications for this which can ease these circular thought patterns but they need to be given by a psychiatrist. You could write to your Dad's GP giving examples of what is happening.
But if you are going to have a decent birth and time with a new baby, you will just have to step back.
I really feel for you.

CH27

What an awful situation for you all.

Could your dad write down what he wants to say on a notepad to save him getting frustrated at trying to speak?

MrsDrink

((hugs))
Another organisation that may be able to offer some help and have groups is headway.
xx

And I know this will sound totally politically incorrect, but after my FIL had a brain injury (not the same I know) that caused three bleeds on the brain on his frontal lobe he was like a child with autism. Very self centred, very fixated, very irrational. He is getting better (10 months on) but there are moments of it every now and then.

heartbreak_star

MrsDrink - I actually think that's a really good way to put it. I remember my dad getting like that too.

HBS x

System

And I know this will sound totally politically incorrect, but after my FIL had a brain injury (not the same I know) that caused three bleeds on the brain on his frontal lobe he was like a child with autism. Very self centred, very fixated, very irrational. He is getting better (10 months on) but there are moments of it every now and then.

That sounds like my husband after his last stroke. He's had three (or is it 4?) since 1997. The earlier strokes left him with physical problems to overcome but the last one affected him mentally and he's been hell to live with. If he doesnt get his own way he thows a strop, then blames everyone else for winding him up.

heartbreak_star

*hugs* to you Judi.

HBS x

Mojisola

Judi wrote: »

That sounds like my husband after his last stroke. He's had three (or is it 4?) since 1997. The earlier strokes left him with physical problems to overcome but the last one affected him mentally and he's been hell to live with. If he doesnt get his own way he thows a strop, then blames everyone else for winding him up.

The personality changes can be very hard to cope with. With dementia, the person fades away in front of you but, with a stroke, the changes can happen within hours. Heart breaking.

When I used to visit an elderly relative in a stroke rehab ward, one of the patient's wife was frequently in tears - her gentle, quiet husband had turned overnight into a foul mouthed, aggressive pain-in-the-backside.

System

Mojisola wrote: »

When I used to visit an elderly relative in a stroke rehab ward, one of the patient's wife was frequently in tears - her gentle, quiet husband had turned overnight into a foul mouthed, aggressive pain-in-the-backside.

Things i used to find endearing i now find annoying. He wasnt keen on me having friends before but he'd chase anyone off who comes anywhere near me now.

Our kids love their Dad but hardly visit when he's at home. He actually blames one of them for causing one of his strokes. The fact was instead of just putting his foot down with her he blew a fuse and ranted and raved for hours. Well until, he started getting numbness down the one side. I dont think she'll ever forgive him for that.

Our family say they dont know how i put up with him and to be honest neither do i.

heartbreak_star

How are things going OP?

In fact, how are things going for any of you who are struggling?

HBS x

Giraffodill

Hi HBS,

Thanks for your message

I've calmed down a little bit now, and apparently so has my Dad, although I haven't seen or spoken to him since last Wednesday. He seems to be trying to keep his distance at the moment- even though he has been in the area he hasn't called in, and he hasn't spoken to me on the phone at all (we usually speak at least a couple of times a day). It's made me feel a little bit lonely, as I normally do have lots of contact with him and my Mum and I don't really have any friends in the area which feels much worse now I'm off work, but I'm just trying to give him the space he needs to realise that I am only trying to help him, and I'm sure the time apart has probably done my stress levels some good!