Need To Stop Being So Negative

[Deleted User]

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FBaby

I'm sorry so sorry you are feeling so low and that you are actually anticipating posters to be accusatory when I think everyone will agree that what you need is a big huge hug.

If you are facing suicidal thoughts, the only thing you need to focus on right now is to get clinical help. When you reach a level of depression where suicidal thoughts start taking over, you are struggling because you feel totally overwhelmed. The only way to battle that feeling that leaves you despairing is to tackle one thing at a time starting with what is most important. In your case, it is to make sure that you are safe. Please go and see your doctor again and explain the urgency to see someone asap.

In the meantime, trust that no situation can be worse than it is now. It is scary because it involves a change and change is always scary, but once you adjust to that change, you will realise how much better you are because you will start taking control of your life once again and that alone will make you feel better.

Don't worry about not making friends. Focus on yourself, your family and get support from the few you have. You will make new friends when you are capable of giving as much as receiving. At the moment, you need all your attention and support.

Please please don't beat yourself up and take responsibility for all the wrongs around you. Your self esteem is at its lowest and make you see everything negatively. I bet your children would say you are an amazing mum who always put them first. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself you will be ok. In the meantime you can come here for support.

seven-day-weekend

Your children love you and in no way have you let them down, on the contrary, you have remained strong for their sake. That is what they will remember.

Get yourself off to the Doctors. If s/he prescribes anti-depressants, take them. They can help you to feel better until you get better. Ask for some counselling too - that often helps greatly.

Lara44

Huge hugs Deannatrois. All those things that you have been coping with and dealing with have taken their toll. It's okay (especially for parents) to need support and help. Your children love you and they want the best for you, they will understand that you are going through a hard time during this separation. Contact the Samaritans now, to talk this over with a friendly listener. As FBaby says urgently see your Doctor too. You sound low. So much love for your kids shines through in your post, you are a good person and of course worth helping. Reach out for specialist help, and be kind to yourself.

iammumtoone

So sorry to read of your situation some of the points you raise made me think I was reading about myself a while ago. Especially the suicidal thoughts and thinking children will be better off without you. I think you know deep down like I did that they will not be better off without you and your love for your children will help you get better.

My abusive ex left I thought it would be the answer to all my problems, things got worse for me for a while as whilst he was horrible to me at least it was someone else in the house and I wasn't totally alone (I didn't count a then difficult 4 year old as company). However once I got used to the fact I would be able to cope and survive on my own and it was the best thing for me and my son to be out of that situation, I started to feel better and am now getting to the stage when I am actually hopeful I can enjoy life again.

Are you taking anti- ds? If not you need to see your doctor ASAP. You need to make sure you take them everyday and don't expect them to work straight away, they take time and the longer you take the better you will feel.

I lost contact with all my friends apart for one, I know how it feels not to want to speak to anyone and hear how great their lives are when yours just seems so crap.

You will get better, trust me I know from experience. Sending big hugs and I wish you all the best.

EDIT: if you don't feel you can speak to the doctor just print out your above post and hand it to them. It is hard going for the first time but it does get easier and that first step is the worse.

valk_scot

The eve of any big lifechanging step is always incredibly stressful and frightening,even if it is going to be a change for the better. You WILL cope, it's normal to feel self doubts, even the most outwardly confident person has these wobbly moments, belive me. But you've been through so much already and coped, you'll cope with this too.


However, coping ability in stressful situations doesn't come free, it does affect people and it's obviously affecting you. Suicidal thoughts are a huge warning flag of depression, you need to get down to your GP for a talk asap. Yes he'll probably offer you anti-depressants as a first step, do consider them as they're really very good for tiding you over to a point wher you can think more clearly.

I think you do need someone to talk to as well though and in the absence of a willing friend then counselling would seem like a very good idea. Tell your GP you really don't have any support of this type at home or in your circle, it will make him make more of an effort to find you something.

Negative spirals, suicidal thoughts, extreme self doubt, struggling to cope are all classic signs of depression btw. It's absolutely screaming off the page. I've been there too, so will many people reading this. It's very common and nothing to be ashamed of, just go and get the help you need, okay?

(((((hugs)))). You'll make it though. For your kids at first, then for all of you.

harrys_nan

Hi,
Not much more to say but I wanted to send you some (((((hugs ))))).
Come on here and talk as much as you want to, you will get lots of support.
Please go and see your doctor, there is help out there for you. You have some brilliant advice so far on here, your not alone, pleanty of friends on here

FatVonD

I don't have any useful advice to give but you mustn't beat yourself up over the past, you can't change that but you CAN change your future.

Get yourself to your GP, we all have a limit to how much stress we can cope with and you may have just reached yours. You need some short-term help to get you through the next few months until some of your problems are sorted out and there's no shame in accepting it.

Sorry to sound mercenary but I believe that being diagnosed as depressed will increase your benefits slightly and stop you being pressured to find work just yet (in the spirit of 'if life gives you lemons, make lemonade'!).

marisco_2

deannatrois wrote: »

I'm very isolated. And I make myself isolated. I just don't seem to make friends or keep them. Yeah I can see someone typing in here.., are u suprised no one wants to know you, you are a mess..,and they're totally right.

I dread reading the replies to this thread.., I know I probably sound sorry for myself or whining.., but I wanted to write it down anyway.

OP has anyone ever been there for you and shown compassion, empathy or given you love and support? The above statements suggest to me that this is unlikely to be the case. The thought of others being willing to listen or wanting to help you seem like an alien concept to you. Not something you feel able to even hope for.

Reading between the lines I get the impression that you have never known stability or normality when it comes to relationships and how they should be. If I have got that wrong then I apologise wholeheartedly. It is just that your self worth, self esteem and confidence appear to be at rock bottom and have played a part in why you have stayed in an abusive relationship for so long. It is almost as if this is the only type of life you have ever expected for yourself.

You are clearly under an unbearable amount of strain coping with a child with special needs, being in a relationship that you are acutely aware effects yours and your childrens wellbeing and are feeling increasingly isolated. It is of small wonder that all these issues are impacting your health negatively. It is also extremely concerning that you feel depressed to the point of being suicidal.

You mention how wonderful your children are. Please see that this is down to you and the mum you have been to them. You can see that some of your choices over the years have not been wise and you wish you had done things differently. We all look back and think along those lines to differing degrees. What is important now is how you move forward. Please seek urgent help for how you are feeling. At your lowest moments it may not be possible for you to be totally aware of how you come across, risking your upset and fragile state being very worrying for your children to witness. I dont know how old they all are but even children of a very young age are far more perceptive and intuitive than many adults give them credit for. There is nothing worse than being fearful of a loved one doing themselves harm, I know I have been there. Dont put them through that.

It is good that you have gotten yourself onto a waiting list for psychiatric help, however that could take a long time to come to fruition. I would suggest contacting your gp, explaining exactly how bad you are feeling and asking for help and support as soon as you can. Years ago I found the Samaritans a very useful organisation to contact and they helped me immensely through a very dark time in my life. Their phone number is 08457 909090.

mountainofdebt

deannatrois wrote: »

I'm very isolated. And I make myself isolated. I just don't seem to make friends or keep them. Yeah I can see someone typing in here.., are u suprised no one wants to know you, you are a mess..,and they're totally right.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY!

I read the bit I've highlighted and I would say its not a case of you being a mess but perhaps you're giving off the wrong signals - perhaps subconsciously you are saying you don't want to be friends with me as I am unworthy of being your friend.

You are not unworthy!

thehappybutterfly

I echo what others say Deannatrois (are you a Trekkie by any chance?!) - it's time to get yourself to the doctor first thing Monday morning. Tell the Receptionist that you need to see someone urgently if they start umming and awing. That's what I did - I stood there and told them if I didn't get to see someone urgently I was going to kill myself. No drama, I was matter of fact and very calm. They immediately ushered me into the waiting room and I saw a GP in less than 5 minutes. I actually wanted to be sectioned but they refused (thankfully) as I had a young family. I was put on anti-depressants and signed off work for 3 months. Then I looked after myself.

That's your first step. Get yourself well - even speaking to the GP and admitting 'defeat' will make you feel soooo much better. Because someone is listening to you and you'll see that people do care.

Once you start getting a decent night's sleep, because I bet you're not right now, you'll start thinking more clearly and everything won't seem so overwhelming. You've got a lot on your plate and anybody in this situation in tip-top health would be struggling to cope. You just need a bit of help.

Good luck and keep coming on here and posting your thoughts - it's a great sounding board. And free therapy - how MSE is that?!