Existing, not living (DFW)

RAS

ceebeeby wrote: »

Yes - employee one since aged 18

So he could go for a share of your pension as well?

As I see it the longer you let this situation go on the worse your bargaining power becomes.

If you divorce now, you have one dependent child so he has to pay CSA and you would have some protection for the house until the younger child leaves secondary education.

You cannot access capital from the house overseas.

You have a pension fund, but so does he.

You would probably get more than half the marital assets.

Once the younger child finishes schooling, it will be much easier for him to claim half of the marital assets including half the house, half the capital in the overseas house and half of the joint pension fund.

I strongly advise that you arrange a meeting with a good divorce lawyer in the next week.

ceebeeby

RAS wrote: »

so he has to pay CSA

Does he? If he wants to contribute towards school trips then fine, but I'm not looking for anything from him unless he wants to pay.

Can I just get him to sign something? I don't have money for lawyers?

ceebeeby

RAS wrote: »

So he could go for a share of your pension as well?

Technically yes, but his will be worth more than mine, so I can't see the merits of him doing that.

Thegirl

Have a look on Wikivorce for some free advice, it's a wealth of information. They also have a divorce helpline that offers free advice.
Concerning what he might renegade on, you would be amazed at what some people will resort to. Did you honestly think he would ever be talking to you and treating you the way he is now? Divorces start at 50/50% of all assets. The sooner you can get that to be official the better.

RAS

The starting point for the division of assets of the marriage is 50:50.

That includes the house, the overseas house and both pensions. Whilst you still have a dependent child at home you can argue for a higher percentage. Or you can formally agree a higher percentage in exchange for not claiming CSA etcetra. Remember that unless you can afford to take on the mortgage on your own salary, his name will remain on the deeds and he will inherit it is you die unless you sort something out legally.

Check things in wikidivorce but do talk to a good lawayer as well; we have seen some complete and utter nightmares on several forums because people did not get legal advice.

ceebeeby

Thanks Ras,
The plan is to sell the marital home, using the equity, pay off any joint debts. After all this is clear, we would then have responsibility for our own living arrangements (whether divorced or separated).

My personal plan is to rent for a couple of years as this will make DD's future school choices much more flexible.

Following your advice, the areas of challenge appear to be the x2 pensions (is this just from the date of our marriage - or whole of life?) and the division of monies used to buy the x 2 houses (money inherited during our marriage)?

I'm willing to 'sacrifice' in return any claim on his pension and any child support.

Do you think if I ask him to sign something waiving a claim along those lines that will suffice?

RAS

Hi

Forgot to add that the assets of the marriage include joint debts and any sole debts run up the family (so if you have been using the credit cards to pay for stuff for the children that would be added into the pot).

I cannot advise you on what document you would need signing; not least as Scottish law is very very different and something that would work in England could be useless north of the border.

ceebeeby

Okay, thanks again Ras - that's all certainly food for thought.

Monkeyballs

Hi Cebeeby,

I cant really offer any help or suggestions re. finance but I just wanted to pass on my best wishes and hope you can work things out az quickly and painlessly as possible.

What I can do is to echo some of the comments already made, you are worth looking at, haircuts, clothes etc! Ok, money is an issue but you need to remain positive about your self worth which has nothing to do with debts...

All the best, MB x

ceebeeby

Thanks to everyone - here's my finance update:
(have updated already on the 'life' thread)

TV - agreed to review and phone them to reduce bill, even if it means reducing the package.

House Contents - Will do some searching for other companies with a view to reducing. Will go through Quidco, if better solution found.

Me, have found a local college that does hair-cuts (cut and blow-dry) for £6, so have booked me and DD in for next week (will do a week of eat out of the cupboard to find the money). Also, we're going to have a "diy" pamper session.

The next big thing that needs to happen, is I need to find £1000 to pay upfront to put the house on the market. I can't borrow from anyone, so will need to be a missed payment somewhere. Can anyone recommend the 'best' company to miss payments from?