Relationships

Mojisola

One of my friends met a lovely man. He told her where he worked and that he did office work. Things progressed very well between them but she hadn't met any of his friends or family and then he asked her for a serious talk. She thought all types of things - he's going to break up with me, he's got a wife and kids, etc. - and got really anxious.

He started out by saying that he hadn't been completely truthful with her - her worst fears! - and then told her that he didn't just work at the company, he owned it and was a very wealthy man. He had been so sick of women being interested in his money rather than him that he'd decided to be economical with the truth when meeting someone new and see if she liked him just for himself.

They've now been married for years and are very happy.

SavingPennies_2

Just to put a spin on this:

If you said your friend was interested in someone but they were were terrible with money, up to thier eyeballs in debt, no income etc, how many people would say run a mile?

so...if its the sole factor then yes they are a gold digger, but if they like your friend anyway and the financial security is a bonus, is it such a big deal?

and no ive never had a rich boyfriend! I just think financial security is anm appeal for a lot of people doesnt necessarily make them a gold digger.

marisco_2

fluffnutter wrote: »

I think it depends on your expectations. Plenty of marriages aren't 'love matches'. Marrying for love alone is rather a 20th century, Western luxury. I think you can make anything work provided you're in it for the same reasons and you respect each other.

Not my cup of tea admittedly, but I wouldn't necessarily condemn those who marry for financial security.

Which goes a long way to explaining why so many marriages sadly end in divorce. In my view people should only commit to marrying someone who they trust implicitly, know inside out and wish to be with 100% for the rest of their lives.

Only having financial security makes someone very poor indeed in my eyes. People who are with someone they have a special connection with, love, value and respect for all manner of reasons, are far richer in life. It might sound corny but they are things no amount of money can buy.

If two people decide to enter into a marriage solely for financial security that is up to them, though I strongy believe they are really selling themselves short. In reality I think in alot of cases only one party may be aware that they are marrying for financial security, leading someone else to be lied to and left living a farce. Lots of people dont trust easily. So when someone has placed their trust in another, it would be cruel to make them regret it by not being upfront and honest, about true feelings and intentions.

geoffky

They would not know....I would hide my wealth for a long time...

fluffnutter

marisco wrote: »

Which goes a long way to explaining why so many marriages sadly end in divorce. In my view people should only commit to marrying someone who they trust implicitly, know inside out and wish to be with 100% for the rest of their lives.

Only having financial security makes someone very poor indeed in my eyes. People who are with someone they have a special connection with, love, value and respect for all manner of reasons, are far richer in life. It might sound corny but they are things no amount of money can buy.

If two people decide to enter into a marriage solely for financial security that is up to them, though I strongy believe they are really selling themselves short. In reality I think in alot of cases only one party may be aware that they are marrying for financial security, leading someone else to be lied to and left living a farce. Lots of people dont trust easily. So when someone has placed their trust in another, it would be cruel to make them regret it by not being upfront and honest, about true feelings and intentions.

I don't disagree with you about trust, or love. I couldn't imagine marrying for any other reason than because I adore my husband. But I don't think the stats add up re. divorce and the reasons why those people got married in the first place.

Societies where people marry for love tend to exhibit higher divorce rates than those who have arranged marriages/marry to create dynasties/marry because it makes financial sense to do so.

However, in this society we marry for love and I think you're right in distrusting the motives of those who marry for other reasons.

C_Mababejive

If someone just saw me as a meal ticket, I'd suss them out quickly and bin them.

But then again...can we honestly say we select potential partners regardless of social and economic factors? i dont think so..

make_me_wise

I wouldn't want to know someone who had more interest in my finances than me.

duckeggblue

I read a comment recently " if you marry for money, don't be surprised if that's all you get", sums it up really.

Thegirl

lika_86 wrote: »

As per Lorelei Lee (played by Marilyn Monroe) in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - "Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?"

Love that quote!

To the original question, do you know that they are only interested in your friend's money? Does your friend know this is the case?

Personally, I would not and have never dated someone for money. I would also not date someone who I knew was only after my money. Because what I want is someone who is interested in me and me in them. What I have acheived is slightly different. I married someone who had nothing and now as we divorce, he has spent half of everything I had and is entitled to half of what is left. Do I think he married me for money? No, nothing is ever that simple. End result is the same though.

I would suggest that no one can truly know someone else's true intentions. But it would very damaging to your self esteem to engage in a relationship with someone whom you firmly believed was just after your cash.