feel upset for my daughter again

susieanne

She was dating this lad for over a year her first love she was so in love then out the blue he said he just wanted to be just friends she was heart broken . They never did stay friends because 2 weeks after finishing with her he was seeing someone else . That was all 2 years ago but although my daughter is very pretty and gets asked out all the time shes been pining over her first love for 2 years .
Shes had it rough all through high school with friendship issues girls can be so horrible sometimes , ive always said its because other girls are jelious because my daughter is very pretty but shes got a lovely set of friends now and shes been happy .

The problem is my daughters first love has started to message her again because he is now single so she has been over the moon that they could get back together . Turns out hes been messaging my daughter because he wants to get with her best mate . I know my daughter told her friend that it would really upset her if she got with her ex but it seems that her best mate really likes this lad a lot and its looking like they will get together .
I really feel for my daughter and I cant get involved but this lad is just messing with peoples feelings . My daughter has had that many upsets with friends I also don't want her falling out with her bestmate over a lad .
any advice welcome

pigpen

She needs to tell him she is not going to help him bed her friend that is just creepy. As her mum you can give her that advice. Better still borrow her phone and text him yourself .. I've done stuff like that with my daughters consent.

If this was a proper friend she wouldn't be interested anyway.. who would want to date their friends ex? yukky!

thunderbird

How old is she? (sorry, can't work out if she is still at school or an adult)

Claree__x

I was devistated when I broke up with my "first love", now a girl I know has a baby to him (not together though). I must admit it has put a bit of distance between us as friends, I feel like I can't really be there for her as that part of her life is a bit awkward.

Your daughter's friend really needs to have a think about what's most important.

As an aside, OP, got over my devistation & I'm now married with a baby on the way 5 years later.

j.e.j.

I'm getting the impression they're about sixth form age? Don't know why! It sounds like they're still at school/college anyway, so not easy for the daughter to just cut all ties with this boy.

When is the best friend going to realise he's just going to use her and go on to the next girl after that. Looking at his track record so far I'd recommend the friend didn't touch him with a bargepole!

susieanne

Thankyou everyone my daughter left high school last year she goes to college full time and still hangs out with same set of girls & boys from high school , most of them go to the same college .

As my daughters says she doesn't even matter if her ex is seeing someone but she cant handle seeing him most days with her best friend it must be tough for her cause she still really loves him .
I thought she would maybe meet a boy at college but she doesn't seem interested in anyone else

Gra76

The only way she will learn is from her own experiences and mistakes. When it all goes pear shaped be a shoulder to cry on but don't get involved too much.

jackieblack

susieanne wrote: »

My daughter has had that many upsets with friends I also don't want her falling out with her bestmate over a lad .
any advice welcome

Susieanne, I know exactly how you're feeling. Being the mum of a teenage daughter is so hard :silenced:

TBH this is in the hands of the bestmate, if she's willing to lose your daughter's friendship then more fool her and she's not much of a best friend!
Doesn't she remember how this lad treated your daughter? Why would she be foolish enough to even give him the time of day?:wall:

barbiedoll

When I was a lovestruck teenager, mooning over some boy who didn't want me, my best friend said what is probably one of the wisest things that I have ever heard.

She told me that you "can't force someone to love you".

The object of your daughter's affection simply doesn't love her, he doesn't want her and he probably never will. She needs to face up to that fact and yes, it will hurt (does anything hurt more than unrequited love?) and yes, she will feel humiliated and upset when her so-called friend hooks up with him. But ultimately, she can either waste the next few years, waiting for him to change his mind or she can get back out there, and start having fun. OP, you need to make it clear to her that she WILL recover from this and she WILL look back one day and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Gosh, who'd want be a teenager again?

bluenoseam

God bless the man rules - they make situations like this completely impossible for anyone who follows them!

But in all seriousness, I'd question the "friend" as it seems very low that her friend would go there, but at the same time it's also been 2 years! I'm afraid though that it's something that you can't really do much about, you can't help who you love, you just need to hope that somewhere there's a Prince Charming who'll change her mind on this chancer.

coinxoperated

Aww young love! I bumped into my 'first love' a few weeks back. With his fiancee and two children, pushing a buggy. She was expecting the 3rd, looked like she had been run through a mud pit and he is so fat now! Neither of them work and he smelt of booze. I walked away thinking 'lucky escape!!'