feel upset for my daughter again

Spendless

I dated my first love from age 16. I met him the week I left yr 11 and we were together till I was 21, when he dumped me for 'some space' I *think*, I really can't remember now. Within a month I was to discover he'd dumped me in order to date the girl from his wages department, whose name he'd been dropping into conversation quite a lot! I was heartbroken, I'd thought we'd marry, it took me a long time to get over it, but what eventually did was finding someone I fancied more.

I'm unsure what ages we are talking about but by what you've put, she dated him when she was 14/15 broke up when they were 15/16 and now she's 17/18? Maybe this is why the friend thinks she shouldn't take into account that your daughter has said she'll be upset as she thinks a relationship that started in the mid-teen years isn't significant enough for her to put the friendship with your daughter before a potential relationship with him?

iwb100

It's life. She will be heartbroken many times and in turn break many hearts over the coming years. Something virtually everyone has to go through and find a way of coping with.

Important lesson. But hardly going to matter in the coming years.

Tish_P

Poor her. The pain will pass eventually, but it doesn't half suck in the meantime. (Captain Awkward's blog is really helpful about dealing with breakups - send her a link to captainawkward.com )

Does she need to meet a new set of friends? It's awful to have to hang around in the same circles as one's ex. Physical distance really helps create emotional distance. If moving away, to uni or for a new job or whatever, isn't on the horizon then maybe she could meet a new crowd through a new hobby or sport?

tia86

The boyfriend from my teenage years married one of my closest school friends last year - when I broke up with him my mum had even said she thought he was getting friendly with my friend! We all drifted apart after leaving 6th form anyway so it has no effect on me - people move on, perhaps its best if your daughter sees him with someone else to know he is unattainable.

barbarawright

Presumably in a year or two's time she'll either be working or at university and will make a completely new set of friends?

meritaten

While I sympathise with your daughter - to still be mooning after a guy 2 years on is just silly. in the meantime he has been out there dating and now he fancies her best friend - IMHO she has had a lucky escape - he sounds as if he has the potential to become a real womaniser. to use his ex to get close to her best friend is callous in the extreme! She is well rid and should give other, nicer guys a chance!

I think if it were my daughter susieanne the conversation would run very much on the lines of the above - I would hate having him for a son-in-law - how could I trust him?

System

Poor girl. If he had loved her he would never have let go of her in the first place. One day, with a bit of maturity on her side hopefully she'll realize this.

Meantime, her confidence must be rock bottem.

zaksmum

Breaks your heart when your kids get hurt, doesn't it?

My girl had been with her boyfriend 7 years, since she was a teenager, when she married him.

She lost their first much wanted baby then a week later found out he'd been playing away and had got the other - also married - woman pregnant, within months of their wedding.

She was beyond gutted.

But now she's happy with a lovely guy and a darling little boy so I just thank God she found out what a scumbag her husband was before there were any children.

If a man treats her so badly you most definitely do not want him to be the father of your grandkids!

JodyBPM

Once they are old enough to have boy/girl friends, they are old enough to look after themselves and make their own decisions, surely?

Concentrate on making sure your daughter feels loved, and is confident and self assured, and she can deal with the rest herself. Its a hard place to be for her, but its a rite of passage to becoming a fully fledged grown up.

Seriously, unless there are other issues, stop fretting about your (young) adult child's relationship woes.

mrcow

bluenoseam wrote: »

God bless the man rules - they make situations like this completely impossible for anyone who follows them!

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

OP - you should get her a copy of the book and it should become her new favourite read.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-New-Rules-generation-bestselling/dp/0749957247/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367054365&sr=8-1&keywords=the+rules

She needs to be concentrating on that Mr. Right who is out there, not the mountain of Mr. Wrongs who she'll undoubtedly meet along the way.