Bettering myself is better for my ex!

Plongeur

When I separated from my ex, some 13 years ago, I was on a substantially lower wage than I am now.

While I don't begrudge a single penny I pay towards my son's upbringing, in working hard, long hours and bettering myself and moving up the career ladder, I now pay more in maintenance than most working families earn in a month.

Surely there should be some sort of cap on maintenance payments? There should be a point at which payments are deemed excessive for the upbringing of one child?

Fair enough if my earnings when we separated were what they are now, as there would be a standard of living to be maintained, but to basically take so much money from me that it's beyond the sensible belief that the money is purely being used to support my son, is wrong?

And before anyone says I'm being greedy in wanting to keep my money, I'm not. I make sure that my son never wants or needs for anything, and providing money for him is not an issue. The issue is that the money is being used to promote my ex's lifestyle, and that of her current family.

FBaby

I'm a pwc and I totally agree with you. I do believe there is a cap though, not sure how much it is, maybe you haven't reached it yet.

I do agree that up to a certain level, especially when the pwc is either on a very good salary too, or claiming single benefits (and don't have to declare the maintenance received), the pwc is clearly living off that maintenance and it is not right at all.

How old is you child? When the frustration get to you, just think of the shock she will have when your child doesn't qualify any longer and you will be able to support her directly if you still so wish.

kevin137

Which is sadly a fact of the CSA, but the best you can hope for is that it comes to an end, which it most definitely will.

And then where will you ex be, no lifestyle, no money and racking up debt...

But you can live in the knowledge that you did what you should, provided for your child. And she will have to live with the knowledge that while that money was provided to look after him, it is SHE that will be missing it...

shop-to-drop

Have you looked at putting more into your pension?

Plongeur

FBaby wrote: »

How old is you child? When the frustration get to you, just think of the shock she will have when your child doesn't qualify any longer and you will be able to support her directly if you still so wish.

He's 14. Got a few years to go yet, as I'm hoping he'll stay on to further education.

terryw

kevin137 wrote: »

But you can live in the knowledge that you did what you should, provided for your child. ..

Well said Kevin. And that Plongeur is the whole crux of the matter.
You can hold your head up high as you have not joined the massed ranks of the dead-beat dads.

Plongeur

shop-to-drop wrote: »

Have you looked at putting more into your pension?

I have, yes, but given the current financial climate I'm loath to do it. I've got a good few years to go until I'll be in a position to take any advantage of it, and who knows what could happen by then?

shop-to-drop

Plongeur wrote: »

I have, yes, but given the current financial climate I'm loath to do it. I've got a good few years to go until I'll be in a position to take any advantage of it, and who knows what could happen by then?

Might be worth the gamble if you are a 40% taxpayer and are paying 15% of the remainder in maintenance.

runninglea

how does the pension work? Do they take it off before they calculate the amount?

shop-to-drop

I think maintenance is a percentage of net pay.

Not an expert though so please double check this.

Plongeur

runninglea wrote: »

how does the pension work? Do they take it off before they calculate the amount?

I believe any payments made into a pension scheme are subtracted from your gross earnings before tax is calculated.