Real-life MMD: Should we forgo a hol because our disabled friend can't go?

h15t0r1an

I think the question here is bigger than you're saying. It's not just about this question, this time. It's about the activities you will involve your disabled friend in, and what about the rest of your relationship, in the future.

If you go without her this time then you will set a precedent you won't be able to go back on. But I sense this question is really about the fact that you want to make a change going forward, not just for this occasion.

As only one poster so far has said above, to me the real question you and your other friends should think about before you speak to your disabled friend, is what form in terms of shareable activities and expenses, not just holidays, do you want your friendship to take in the future. I think it's respectful to first think about this individually and perhaps in the group, and also to talk to her directly. Because I think the real question that needs answering here is much bigger and not just about this holiday.

best of luck

dangermouse53

I would rather you tell me that you have got a different holiday that was not suitable for me this time, than you miss out.I am also disabled, and I would tell you to go,and we could arrange something later in the year.

milvusvestal

The very last thing your friend wants you to do is feel sorry for her. Yes, she's disabled, but that doesn't mean she can't occasionally go on holiday herself and demonstrate her independence.

She might even harbour a little guilt for shackling you and the others from time to time, even though you don't look at her company in that way. As a solution, why don't you go your separate ways this year, but keep in touch daily by telephone or email? That way, she shouldn't feel left out of the loop.

gayleygoo

That's a tough one. If all her friends were going to go on the holiday, it would be leaving her out. If it was just a few of you (I've no idea how many of you normally travel together) then it might feel a bit less so.

If its just a matter of accessibility for the hotel, car and such, then I'd keep looking for a deal that could include her, or keep saving, especially if you can only afford one holiday this year, and going on this one would mean she got no holiday at all. It could be hard for her to hear you all talk about it in the future, knowing that she could have had a fun holiday too, had youse arranged a different one.

However, it depends on the holiday too - is it the likes of an adventure holiday, mountain trekking, scuba diving, once-in-a-lifetme thing etc that just wouldn't cater at all for her needs? She might not be able to do those things herself but perhaps she wouldn't want her friends to miss out on those sorts of things for the rest of their lives?

duchy

Lovetotravel wrote: »

Check with your friend and if she's ok, then go. Surely she wouldn't expect a group of people to stay at home just because of her?

You sound like a good friend, you've made the sacrifice other times and I'm sure she appreciates it. It's not like you're being nasty or selfish, you're entitled to a holiday too. I doubt she'll be delighted but if she's a real friend she shouldn't have an issue.

Just bring her a good present home!!

I'm not so sure any friendship should be built on making sacrifices.

I suspect the OP is quite young as most people grow out of needing a big group of friends to travel with by their mid twenties at latest .
Is it always the same group of people each and every year ?
Does "everyone" want to do this holiday -or just some of the larger group?
Could you <gasp> break with tradition and not everyone go on the "unsuitable holiday -if it is that differant it may not appeal to the whole group anyway. Two holidays -two (smaller) groups.
Just why is this holiday so unsuitable anyway ?

I've made concessions for holidays- stayed in different hotels, gone for one week instead of two -usually because my friends have had a lower budget and the trade off was enjoying their company and wanting to make it work so everyone can be included. If your friendship isn't strong enough to want to find a compromise then maybe you aren't the good friend you think you are.

PasturesNew

It's just a friend... you can't do everything in your life based on your firiend's wants/needs.

If you want to go on that holiday, rather than another one with her (that you'd not enjoy as much) then it's tough t1tty for her really.

Don't be emotionally blackmailed into missing out on something you want to do.

I bet if you lost your job she'd not be saying "Hey - let's none of us go on holiday this year as this one can't afford it". No - she'd be off like a shot with a cheery wave and "maybe next year.... cya"

happyinflorida

Why are you asking this question??? Get off your mobile phone, go and see her and discuss it with her? Why haven't you done that? Some friend you are methinks.

auntie_sal

I see the situation a bit different from some posters. If I was the disabled person I would be glad that I had friends who could accompany me on holiday. I would dearly love a holiday but unfortunately all my friends are in couples and as a single person I am not invited! That does not make me feel less of a friend, I understand it could be difficult. So I am sure if you explain that this holiday is something you really want to do and
if she is really unable to go with you I am sure she will be understanding.

VoucherMan

As with most 'dilemmas' there's not enough information to give a full answer.

The only thing that seems obvious as most people have said - ask your friend.


Take this scenario

petra.thehun wrote: »

And never forget, next year it could be you in a wheelchair. Illness or accidents strike unexpected.

How would you feel if you missed the chance for the holiday of a lifetime? Your dream activity holiday that you've longed for since you were a kid. And how would your friend feel knowing this?


Reading between the lines though it looks like you're just strapped for cash and have found a cheap holiday which doesn't have disabled facilities. In which case I'd go for option B (wait until next year when we have enough for a holiday we can all go on)

I'm sure you could find something equally cheap that you could all enjoy.