Real-life MMD: Should we forgo a hol because our disabled friend can't go?

Former_MSE_Debs

Money Moral Dilemma: Should we forgo a hol because our disabled friend can't go?

One of our friends is disabled and for the most part, it’s of no consequence. However, going on holiday is both difficult and more expensive for everyone involved when she comes (accommodation has to have wheelchair access, adapted cars, etc). While we've been happy to pay out extra in the past so she can come, an offer’s come up that me and some other friends would like to take up, but would be impossible for her to come on. Should we go and risk her feeling left out or wait until next year when we have enough for a holiday we can all go on?

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Note: Please remember that these are real-life Money Moral Dilemmas and while we want you to have your say, please remember to be nice when you respond.


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Smurfette80

If she was a real friend she would understand and not have a problem. When you have to pay for these extras it makes going on holiday harder and you shouldn't feel bad about taking a good deal when it comes up and you could arrange something for when you get back

System

As with most of these 'dilemmas' the answer is simple - ask your friend what she thinks.

drewstew

rosyq wrote: »

As with most of these 'dilemmas' the answer is simple - ask your friend what she thinks.

Exactly! Close the forum.

florere

I think it would be kinder for you not to go. It does surprise me that a disabled person has to pay more, perhaps it's time to take the issue up with your MP. If you ask her what she thinks I expect she will say it's OK to go without her, she won't want to spoil your fun, Can't you all take your holidays together and arrange some local days out.

BNT

Talk to her, not us.

If you go and she gets upset, it will cut no ice if you tell her you checked it out with an online forum first.

rinabean

What do you mean "risk her feeling left out"? You would be leaving her out, that's a fact. If you want to know how she'd feel about you leaving her out, ask her. This isn't about the chance of rain or something, this isn't totally random, this is about your actions having consequences. I hope she hasn't read this. I would be so insulted.

affordmylife

if you are a group of friends then you are a group of friends you don't dismiss one because of a disability.

think for a moment if it were you. how would you feel???

then make a decision x

lazer

Tell her about it and give her a choice - say for 4 of you the holiday would cost £1000 (£250) each but if she came along due to the different accommodation needs etc it will instead cost £1600, and you can all only afford £250 - therefore if she wants to come it will cost her £600.

I am assuming you friends gets DLA - this money is to pay for the extra cost associated with disability, so maybe she would be happy to pay the full extra cost.

It is a different scenario if you are all getting a benefit from it - ie: the accommodation is much nicer etc, then the additional cost should be spilt

TheMeash

Oh my God!!! Speak to her, I can't believe you are considering leaving her out - how would you feel. Don't you imagine she already feels left out enough just being different.

Why do we still live in a world where it's socially acceptable to discriminate against people in this way. The fact that you have asked this question shows she is being discriminated against..........

vpeake

lazer wrote: »

Tell her about it and give her a choice - say for 4 of you the holiday would cost £1000 (£250) each but if she came along due to the different accommodation needs etc it will instead cost £1600, and you can all only afford £250 - therefore if she wants to come it will cost her £600.

I am assuming you friends gets DLA - this money is to pay for the extra cost associated with disability, so maybe she would be happy to pay the full extra cost.

It is a different scenario if you are all getting a benefit from it - ie: the accommodation is much nicer etc, then the additional cost should be spilt

I think this answer is best, it's not discriminatory but practical. Her friends want her to come with them but the price is an issue, the issue is her disability and the costs that are associated with that. They are not saying that they don't want her to go on holiday with them, im sure they'd choose to go on holiday with her versus not, but that they just don't want to have to pay for someones extra costs. Is it not unfair for them to miss out on something else such as mortgage payments, days out with their families etc because they've had put money towards her disability costs (which in all honesty that is what her disability benefit is supposed to cover)?

They do need to speak to her and explain this however, not explaining what the issue is to her is unfair and it doesn't help that a precedent has been set by them paying the extra in the past.