Real-life MMD: Should we forgo a hol because our disabled friend can't go?

tindella

Only you know your friend and how she would react. You would hope she would understand but...

Gizasmum

I think posters may be missing a major point that's not associated with costs. The OP says that it would be 'impossible' for the disabled friend to go on this particular holiday. Why is it impossible? If say the friend can't walk, is it the type of holiday that you need to be able to use your legs, e.g. Rock climbing, white water rafting or skiing? It is perfectly understandable that friends may want to go on different types of holidays even if doesn't suit the entire group, due to them having different interests. Realistically not everyone can be included in absolutely every holiday, outing or whatever all the time, able bodied or not. Life would be very boring if we all liked the same thing. However if it is 'impossible' purely because of costs then I agree with Lazer and Vpeake. Explain to your friend and ask how they feel, that you do want to include them but....... I'm sure then that you will be able to reach a practical solution

vikki_louise

If its a friendship group and you normally all go away together I would say try and find something else.
I'm disabled, if you said the friendship group were thinking of going somewhere again but this time it wasn't suitable for me I would do my best acting and tell you to go, that it doesn't matter, I don't mind etc but be crying on the inside.
I can't speak for every disabled person, I wouldn't be angry at you but I would feel left out, sad and 'different'

anna1976

Which is more important and lasts a lifetime - a holiday or a true friend?

jgriggle

This isn't really a dilemma. If you were a true friend you wouldn't even entertain the idea of going without her.

Others are saying just ask her and see what she says. That's a valid opinion but think about it - if you ask her she's hardly going to tell you not to go. She will almost certainly be deeply hurting on the inside though.

petra.thehun

I too am disabled and go on holiday with my friends. MY friends are true friends. They would never leave me behind. Live in a wheelchair is hard and expensive and DLA is not enough to cover some basic gadgets - special mouse, 98.- etc. Should you ask your friend I'm sure she would tell you to go. But remember, while you are having a good time she's home alone. And never forget, next year it could be you in a wheelchair. Illness or accidents strike unexpected. How would you feel?

becbec1982

I think, echoing what other people have said, discuss it with your friend. However, I think a bit more background information is needed before jumping to opinions that some have put on here - if you ALWAYS go on holiday with this friend - that is how you spend all your holidays, yes it is quite unfair to leave her out. However, if it is something you sometimes or occasionally do, you have no obligation to take her all the time.

Also, on another point, if there is a holiday you have always wanted to go on or dreamed of doing, you should be able to take that opportunity. Sad for your friend who is unable to do it, but you also have to enjoy your life and the opportunities it presents for you without feeling guilty.

Although not quite the same, my mum is on her own and sometimes accompanies us or my sister on breaks, however we also have holidays on our own, as does she as we have different interests everyone is different and should be allowed to be without feeling guilty!

bogwart

A genuine dilemma. But on balance I think you should put yourselves first - who knows what the situation will be like next year?

Many areas of life are closed off to me because of my extremely limited mobility, including foreign holidays, and I am sure your friend appreciates that. It appears you have gone out of your way and incurred extra cost in the past to make life easier for your friend, and I am sure she will understand that there are bound to be occasions where things turn out differently than everyone would prefer.

pennypinchUK

Has anyone spoken to your friend? That's the quickest and easiest way to resolve it. If the subject is approached tactfully your friend may completely understand, especially if a promise is made by everyone else that she'll be able to come on the next holiday. How about a get-together before or after the holiday, with your friend as the central person, so she knows she's important to the group.

3puppies

I FELT COMPELLED TO REPLY TO THIS ONE AND I NEVER DO NORMALLY!!!!!!!!
NO YOU SHOULD GO ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ITS NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR A GOOD FRIEND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED FOR EVEN THINKING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T GO, AND YOUR DISABLED FRIEND IF SHE IS A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU, SHE WOULDN'T QUESTION YOU GOING WITHOUT HER I WOULD TELL HER THOUGH

OK I FEEL BETTER NOW:rotfl: