How did you deal with this?

a_bit_stuck

About 300 miles.

balletshoes

Your home town will always be a part of you no matter where in the world you settle:).

a_bit_stuck

I use annual leave from work to visit, it's too much of a travel to do very frequently and the cost would be too much too, for instance I can't really pop over just for a weekend. I think it would be bad for me to keep going back often too, it wouldn't make me feel any better about not being there.

I know I'm being a bit daft. I never disliked where I was from the way some people do. I think I had this vague idea that I'd work away for a bit then use the fact I was already employed to get a job back there. Only it didn't work out like that. Maybe what's happened has happened for a reason, i.e. I've got OH, I've been places and done things that otherwise I might not have.

SavingPennies_2

Yes I did the same thing, moved away with the intention of going back but then settled into a job, met someone (who would never leave as he grew up here), bought a house...10+ years Im still here. The feeling of wondering if I should go back has never gone away, especially as most of the people I grew up with are still there and can just pop to thier parents etc. Im not sure what the answer is but the what I think about is that I have a lot of good things here and I am probably imagining the life I would have if I moved back through rose tinted spectacles. I can certainly sympathise though....:o

OrkneyStar

I live 300 miles away from where I grew up (and on an island so any trip home involves a boat or a plane as well as a long drive). Sometimes I miss the old place, but more often I miss my family, especially my niece and nephew. That said we have a better way of life here, and so the plusses out-weigh the minuses. Is your partner closed to the idea of re-locating?

victory

a_bit_stuck wrote: »

I use annual leave from work to visit, it's too much of a travel to do very frequently and the cost would be too much too, for instance I can't really pop over just for a weekend. I think it would be bad for me to keep going back often too, it wouldn't make me feel any better about not being there.

I know I'm being a bit daft. I never disliked where I was from the way some people do. I think I had this vague idea that I'd work away for a bit then use the fact I was already employed to get a job back there. Only it didn't work out like that. Maybe what's happened has happened for a reason, i.e. I've got OH, I've been places and done things that otherwise I might not have.

The trick is not to let it interfer too much with your day to day living 300 miles away from where you left your heart, you don't want it to be like it feels like your body is in one place but your heart and mind is in another.

You can fantasize and day dream but you moved for a reason, you have your OH , you have a great life, people change, move, get married, have kids, nothing ever stays the same, your happiness does not lie in just one place, open your heart to where you are, who you are with and the beautiful day you are having and the hankering will wain and look forward to your next visit:D

purple_runner

I completely understand, I've left my parents in tears because I didn't want to go! For about a year I really really really wanted to go back to my home town. My OH and I stayed in our uni town after graduating and once all our friends had finished their courses and it was just us, I got really homesick.

It does get better though... as some has said, open your heart up to where you are now. Go exploring, get to feel more comfortable in your new home town. Find a 'regular' pub/bar/cafe. I even joined meetup and went out a couple of times to meet random new people. Didn't make any new friends out of it but it was a good experience. I've also started a part-time course back at the uni so have tied myself here for another 2 years... Then in the future who knows where we'll end up!?

I bearly recognise my home town anymore and my friends who stayed have their other friends so I'm not really missing out on their outings, they don't see each other unless I organise it! If you went back it wouldn't be the same and for no real practical reasons, it would be a bad idea.

Bazey

I recently had an urge to move back home, following the break up of my relationship (7yrs) death of my dog (17 yrs) and the health of my dad(who lives 200 miles away) deteriorated.

I was convincing myself that I needed to be back in dorset, I was missing my family and friends and was certain that they needed me.

I decided after a few weeks to stick it out in London and agreed a 6 month tenancy on my flat to see if my feelings would change. I still miss my dog, I'm still hopelessly single, but I love where I live and I love my job. If it all gets too much I can jump on a train and go visit family and friends at the weekend.

I still have a huge desire to move back home, but I know that it can wait for now.

Goldiegirl

a_bit_stuck wrote: »

I too feel that I am part of the place I'm from, and that it's part of me, in a way that I don't get with this place. I also would like to move back there when I retire, well I say this now but that's a long long way off so when that time comes I might not want to anymore.

I do understand about feeling part of a place.

I moved to Kent from Essex when I got married 32 years ago. My husband is from London, so neither us had any previous ties with Kent. The main reason was to give my husband an easier commute to work, in an area where we could afford the houses.

My life is here now, and I have very few relatives in Essex now, so I wouldn't ever move back.

However, I still acknowledge that Essex is part of me, and that feeling has increased since I worked on my family history. On my mum's side. going back to the 1600's, my family has been in Essex. On my dad's side, the link is Berkshire and Wiltshire, but the sense of belonging is not so strong as I never lived there. But there's still that sense of identification as those Berkshre people shared my surname.

I'm happy to be living where I am, but I'm also happy to think of my roots. I've been collecting a small amount of postcards to remind me of those roots both Essex and Berkshire, so I can enjoy looking at the past, but can get on with living the life I've made in Kent.

Enjoy your past, but live in the now, and enjoy what your new area has to offer.

marisco_2

When I divorced seven years ago I moved away from the area where I had spent the previous 10 years of my life. Too many memories to stay. It was painful leaving behind many friends and a sense of wellbeing and familiarity. We all made the effort to stay in touch which helped enormously though.

For about a year after, I felt very unsettled and wasn't at all sure I had made the right move. It has taken a long time to be happy where I am now. Over time I have built up new friendships and now have very strong bonds with the new people who have come into my life. I have made the effort to get out and explore the local area and now have loads of places to visit nearby that I enjoy spending time at. Being by the sea affords me a totally different lifestyle than I had previously. I have also been lucky enough to land a job that I love and that gives me the quality of life I have worked years for. It is a totally new life and I wouldn't go back now.

If you are really unhappy where you are, I think you need to be honest with your partner and discuss it with him. In a good relationship you should be able to talk through anything with each other and be prepared to compromise and work through issues and upsets. It should not come down to only one person being happy. I am sure your partner would not want you feeling so unsettled. Hope you can work it out