*Sneaky child* How to cope?

divadee

awww hun hugs for you

i have to admit that little miss divadee has only ever taken sweets, choccies etc... she has never taken money or called mobiles she has only just worked out how to use the phone

i think she knows now that she has puched her luck, when you have calmed down i would go and talk to her and find out why she is stealing things from you.

the food seems a common problem going from the replies you have had, and taking stuff they shouldnt to school (little miss divadee does this all the time) but stealing money from you i think is a big problem. Try and find out if she is rebelling from you in some way.

lottylouj

my dd has taken my money, she will regulary go in to my purse or in to my penny pot ( my car savings) she will take from her friends at school she was caught in the staff room once going through bags and coats.

i know how you feel, and how hard it is to stay calm, ive now brought myself an inflateable punch bag which i use in the evenings!!!!

i dont really know what else to say as everyones lives are different, and there children.

loads of hugs and understanding from me though.

newmum1

Could she be being bullied at school?? Or just simply be craving your attention??

Little_Miss_Magic

Hi whilst i totally sympathise with you all, and forgive me if i am reading between the lines, but have you asked you child/children why they are doing these things like stealing money or food??

Actually sat down and said "Right Mary i found a rotten apple core in your sock drawer today, why didn't you ask me if you could have an apple" or "Right Joe money has been taken from my purse/piggy bank, if you needed money for school why didn't you just ask me?"

The children to me obviously feel like they can't speak or ask their parents for these things, thats why they are resorting to stealing?

RibAd

I think really what Little Miss Magic said is the best thing... ask them why they are doing this....
When I was around that age, i did similar sneaky things like raid the piggy bank of coppers, sneak a few extra sweets, etc etc...
I have found that my nephews have been going through the same phase whenever they visit my parent's house. They would wander in, go straight to the cupboard/fridge and pick out whatever even if they didnt' want it or know what it was. That was particulary embarassing for my sister who was at her wits end trying to stop the behaviour. Trouble is is that they're very determined kids... when my younger nephew was only 4, my sister had moved something to a very high up place.... she was putting something away in the next room and my newphew had managed to pull out a chair and pull out drawers and climb ontop of the furniture to what he wanted.

But with the situation happening at my parent's house, my parents actually took control and told them off while explaining that "Granny's" is not their house, so they cant just take whatever, whenever. I've found really that it's a great game to get caught - attracts attention, even if it's negative, esp when competitive for attention - and really it's a "crime" of opportunity.

CharleneUK

I don't think it's attention, but that's just my opinion, I think she just wants something and will do what she can to have it, but maybe I'm simplifying the situation?

I doubt she is being bullied at school. That's one thing Tesh is vocal about. If she's had any upset at school at all, I'm the first to know.

I've asked her before why she does it, and she say's it's because she knows I'd say no if she asked. I then explained that if I said no, then it was no, not 'oh well, I'll take it behind her back anyway' Bleh, I'll have the chat with her. Was thinking I might take her out, away from her sisters and hubby, just me and her and really try to get through to her, and also explain exactly what will happen if she does anything similar again.

Lavender13

With our children we specify an amount they can have when the item is bought( lollies,choccie biscuits,cakes etc). For example if we bought a packet of 12 biscuits,I would say, " Four of us like these biscuits,so 12 divided by 4 is 3 biscuits.So everyone can have 3 each."So the amount would be divided amongst the number of people who liked them equally.
This sets down specific guidelines re amount, but allows flexibility re when they are eaten. This seemed to work well for us.
Oh if someone wants to, they can give their share to someone else:D

Savvy_Sue

Charlene, one of the things to ask is how she would feel if one of her sisters did something similar to her - you say she's taken your shoes or bags, well, even if you don't fancy a Barbie Pink rucksack (or whatever), have one of hers in return!

But be prepared for her not being able to answer the 'how would you feel?' question: my eldest when much younger was forever breaking Lego models his brothers had made, and became completely inarticulate when asked how he'd feel! So I told him: he'd be furiously upset and angry, and that was how his brothers felt too, so he must not do it! I lost count of how many times I had that conversation with him ...

As for the "You'd only say no", perhaps you could consider whether she needs surprising from time to time ... I think mine expect me to say "yes", but these days it's "yes, IF you've done all your coursework / the washing up I asked you to do / whatever". The only day I don't have to nag DS3 about washing up is the day he wants a lift to cricket ...

An example: a colleague's child sometimes comes to the office for a short while after school because Mum can't get away to pick them up. We often say things like "There's a donut needs eating, would you like it?" (Mum knows we do this, btw, and they're at an age where they're ALWAYS hungry!)

The other day they said "No, I'm not allowed." I casually asked Mum what crime had been committed, and she said it was something like apple cores and sweet papers in the bedroom, when they weren't allowed to take food upstairs. She thought that banning all treats between meals was an appropriate punishment. But because she was pleased that they had refused our treats, even though she wasn't there to enforce it, she reduced the length of the punishment. I'm sure if the child HADN'T refused our treats, the length of punishment would have been doubled! :rotfl:

conradmum

I used to be like this as a child and if you'd asked me why I probably couldn't have told you, or just said I wanted it and I knew you'd say no, just like your daughter. But I realise now that I was very unhappy as a child and taking these things was a way of feeling happy just for a little bit of time. It also seemed to me that everyone else had more than me - more clothes, more money, more nice things. This was actually true - we were pretty poor.
However, I think the thing I craved the most was expressions of affection from my parents, and that if I'd had that I probably wouldn't have stolen anything. As it was I felt I was disliked and a burden to them, and these feelings made me want to take things that would make me feel happier, which would cause more negative reactions, and so the cycle went round. If I didn't take anything for a while I was mostly ignored, so that didn't make me any happier.
Not trying to say this is what's happening with your daughter, but it might be something to consider.

lellie

Both me and my sister did this as a child.. we used to raid mum's "dinner money" pot because she only gave us a £1 which wasn't really enough to get a decent lunch. We told her this and she still wouldn't up it.. so I ended up just taking a bit extra anyway and she didn't notice.. We would sometimes end up spending our money in the tuck shop rather than buying dinner too.. so we were a bit sneaky - it's kinda normal though.

My sister was much worse though - she took stuff from the school stock cupboards all the time - she was a teachers pet so was often asked to do things for the teacher - but would use this time to steal notebooks and things!! I found her out though and she did stop in the end..