*Sneaky child* How to cope?

heather38

is she worried about starting high school? i guess from her age that she will be going this september.
i did this when i was her age and my mum solved it but taking me to the local police station. the police man sat me down for a chat on stealing and lying to my mum and dad and told me what would happen if i carried on doing it, he then showed me the cells. that was enough for me, the thought of having to spend anytime in such a small room scared the bejesus out of me!

RadoJo

I have to say, I was very sneaky at that age, and would horde things just becauseI could rather than necessarily because I even wanted them - in once misappropriated about 200 different sizes of fiter paper from school and kept them all in a box int he cupboard. I had no desire to filter anything, and in the end I just threw them away, but something about getting something independently of anyone else was appealing to me.

pinkshoes

You could've been describing me when i was that age!! I often pinched cigars out my dad's secret stash, and hid them in my lockable treasure chest. I constantly sneaked icepoles out the freezer, ate all the chocolate biscuits even though i was only allowed 1, pinched loose change to buy chocolate at school etc...

why? well firstly i was permanently hungry, very skinny, and ate constantly (growth spurt!!) plus i was very active and lively so burning off energy all the time, and secondly I was BORED because both my parents worked and left me on my own for an hour or so each evening, which i resented, and it probably made me feel a bit insecure, which links into the eating.

Maybe try spending some 1 on 1 time with your daughter, take her out shopping, cinema, doing 'girly' stuff.

Spendless

CharleneUK wrote: »

Also, she is very popular at school, and always has been, her friends call her every single day after school and they are on the phone for quite some time. My sister suggested barring the phone, so I will do that.

This was me at a slightly older age than your daughter, and when the phone bill came in (at £50 for the quarter instead of the usual £35), my mum bought one of the locks you could get (the phone was in the days where you had to put your finger in circle and watch dial go round). When my friends heard, we found a way where you could dial the number by tapping the top instead to the same phone number, eg phone no 4717 tap 4 times, short space, tap 1 time etc.

If this didn't work, I'd save my dinner money, buy a bag of chips instead and use the remainder to ring my mates from the public phone box.

What I'm saying is my mum, would have described me as 'sneaky' if she'd known .

From my point of view if I'd had some sort of boundaries I was allowed, I wouldn't have been up to these things, eg if I'd been allowed to ring friend A twice a week for so long, I'd have accepted these rules.

110frankie

sneaky equals naughty, she's lying to you as well as doing things she has been told not to do.
This means she needs to be punished. So punish her.
Perfectly normal human behaviour, children misbehave, parents punish children, children stop misbehaving because of fear of punishment.

When parents don't understand this the problem then lies with the parent.

crutches

Spendless wrote: »

This was me at a slightly older age than your daughter, and when the phone bill came in (at £50 for the quarter instead of the usual £35), my mum bought one of the locks you could get (the phone was in the days where you had to put your finger in circle and watch dial go round). When my friends heard, we found a way where you could dial the number by tapping the top instead to the same phone number, eg phone no 4717 tap 4 times, short space, tap 1 time etc.

.

rofl we all did that too.!

CharleneUK

LOL, some of those posts really made me chuckle!! I think I feel a bit better about it all now.

I must admit I don't spend as much 1-2-1 time with her, I have two other daughters as well as a part time job, but she is always with one parent or the other, which is something. I think I will have a heart to heart with her tonight. FTR I have punished her. Banned computer for 2 weeks, told her friends not to call for a week, confiscated mobile phone etc.

Not all children stop misbehaving for fear of punishment as I'm sure many many parents will tell you, they just find another way of doing something without being caught! Another normal human behaviour it seems!
I think I need to put things into perspective as well, as I get wound up about things that probably shouldn't matter as much, but like I said, it's the priniciple of it all!

She will be starting high school in September and is very excited as it's the one she wanted (not really my first preference but that's another story!) I will have a talk, just in case there is any underlying issues.

Thanks all, I really appreciate all the posts and am feeling much better now I have a few more ideas on how to address and deal with the situation.

x

bumpybecky

No help, but plenty of sympathy! I've got a sneaky one too :rolleyes: dd1 is 9 (just) she pinches bits of food, money from my purse, takes toys to school and Brownies etc etc.

She does get punished but it doesn't stop her doing it! maybe I should up the punishments as they're not working! rather than banning tv / computer / biscuits or deducting money from her pocket money maybe I should whip her?!

I'm trying to view the behaviour as secretive rather than sneaky....

I don't know why she does it. She won't / can't tell me I just wish she'd stop!

lottylouj

i have a 7 year old who is a sneaky little madam, and i love her dearly but she really annoys me.
she steals from school, others school dinner money, out of pencil cases and packed lunch boxes.(one occassion being an advent choccie!!!) it got so bad at one point the school got the community police involved and threatened to expell her, a bit extreme for 7???
i know it doesnt sound like a lot of stealing but its still hard when the school rings and you trail there to be told what has happened.
she takes from home, i found a rotton apple core in her sock draw once not nice. mostly its sweets, chocolate and other junk food, she climbs the kitchen cupboards to get it!!

i totally sympaphise with you, it is hard work and it presses all the right buttons to wind you up.
my dd problems seem to lead to a severe lack in confidence and a few other difficulties.

i have tried every type of punishment you can and if anyone suggests star charts to me now i scream!!!!
the way i now find the easiest to deal with it, is to sit her down and try to calmly chat about why.

i hope this makes sense.

CharleneUK

Totally does! Thank you!

It just gets better. I ended up on the verge of tears today. I went into my piggy bank which I never do, but couldn't for the life of me find 40p anywhere and knew I only put silvers in this bank, although OH puts pennies in to wind me up (but that's another time and another thread! LOL)

I empty it out, lo and behold, only COPPERS left!!!!!!!! The entire silvers gone, 20's, 50's, 5ps...... Last straw really.

I just said 'Tesh, I'm going to ask you something, and under no circumstances do you lie to me' She admitted it, and told me when she was doing booster classes, pre sats, they have a tuck shop and all her friends were getting sweets and pizzas etc, so she had been taking it over the weeks. At this point, I just had enough and felt like I was going to burst into tears. I just told her that she had absolutely no right to go in MY room and remove MY money, and that I was saving it for something special and now can't have that special something. She began talking, but I just told her I wasn't in the mood to talk about it right now.

When we got home, she handed over £1.20 worth of 5ps. I just had a mini melt down today. I hope she gets the message.