Separated, how much should I provide?

spender

You either want this to end or continue with this back and forth etc. You have a court date set so why start all this again.

Lets_say

Wow, just wow.

Been here since day one but so angry now hence de.lurking.

So Jack, until ex earns in excess of £2k per month you have to pay etc etc.

I'm ashamed to be a nearly 60yr old female who supports herself, and has a reasonably modest lifestyle on a lot less than that. I have dipped in and out of work in the last few years, using agencies.

You have my best wishes Jack.

Shelldean

I've just worked out our household income.

Mum dad three children working and one still in school...not forgetting the mutt.
Including child benefit for the one remaining school child plus a small amount to tax credit, the three working children contribute too, and OH wages I reckon a rough estimate is £2200 a month.
We pay rent and get no help with either that nor the council tax.

So amazed at her request to be supported until she earns approx the same!!!!

ampersand

#2020
Jack, if she needs a 3-bed property, so would you, given same flawed reason is cited.

- para.3 - ridiculous and telling.
How hard did she try to get that job? Hope she asked for i/v feedback.
How much did she want it, apart from the element of ego-buffing it might suggest?
Is this her lowest kudos level for preferred work by type or association?
Further, as she did NOT obtain it, how can solicitor suggest this as a likely example of what she WILL obtain?

para 4.sentence 2
[also para.7, inaccurate terminology 'supporting two children, albeit not minor ones' i.e. at this point, they are no longer, in legal terms, children, and cannot receive any Court-ordered maintenance as 'children.']
'.......will, for the meantime, be maintaining both children...........'

Rubbish, Jack is maintaining them, and her. It's himself he's having to scale down and cut corners for.
-which is immediately corroborated by this phrase 'and your client stops paying child maintenance for him'
-at which magical point 'our client will be solely reliant upon her earned income'. So, what is this work that is clearly lined up and labelled for that point in time? Why can't she start now or show responsibility temping while she waits, thus becoming more employable, by varying, extending, updating her experience?

Jack, your work performance and your health have both provably deteriorated since this began. In early posts you spoke of necessary budgeting, some cutting back, even within that dead-end marriage before you left. Since then, you have been funding legal expenses for both sides, paying ludicrous voluntary sums and incurring heavy increased debt. It could be adjudged, however harshly, that you have been irresponsible in this.

We can go right back to RAS #25
'The difficulty with this is that is gives the wife unlimited time to fail to secure employment.' - and hasn't she played this well?
and themull1, #47
'I think the longer you keep funding your wife's lifestyle, the less urgent she will see the need to find a job,'
gizmo. #73
' I would advise caution when setting figures as you risk being caught in the trap of setting a precedent and keeping her expectations high.'
damon#123
' While you are providing her with this level of income she will never try to get an income of her own.'

Loads more, but all add up to the same thing: 18 months on, no change, except your weighed down indebtedness.

Car comments as noted by others, indicative of more greed.

Then clause 3, [a] and -
-while we want future happiness for you, Jack, apparently no such cut-off point is to be reciprocal. You'd enter the trap known to many 2nd relationships, whether or not re-married, with past and present claims both taking financial input.

[f] How soon could you initiate this?[ignoring cost for the moment] If you failed to pay, she would have to fund an action against you - no more Jack paying for her legal games-playing. We know you wouldn't do this. but poss. redundancy/early retirement has been both urged on this Thread and not ruled out by your own firm's experience.

para7. Should we interpret ex's solicitor seeing ex-earnings of £1k per mth as unlikely? Opinion based on observation and assessment of client? Why isn't solicitor telling her to hawk her c.v. about, hone her skills?

para 8. - hope you have ignored the threat and NOT w/d your more than generous £650 proposal by return. Let her 'consider' away...while you get on and enjoy Sunday with daughter:-)

Thank goodness too for your experienced landlord friend.

justme111

Legal talk is intimidating I must say. When I was reading her solicitor's letter I was half convinced jack indeed has to pay ! Given 20 seconds to think about it though I can point what I see as flaws in their reasoning.
Your ex is not entitled to 3 bed house .
Your ex is not entitled to a house in a particular area.
Where her expense list is reasonable or not should not concern you. It's upvto her what she can fund and decides to do with her money. I do not sue a random person for money ecause my.expenses.are reasonable.and.I have mone to fund them. I would not even start conversation and.bickering on what's reasonable what's not , the very way the question is posed is wrong.
You being better off financially does not mean you have to share the income or feel.guilty for not doing so .
You are entitled to support children as much as he is , their reasoning is flawed in the starting premise that she has to .do it

vroombroom

Jack, no words of wisdom, but I have followed your post from the start and have to say as a female, I am utterly embarrassed at the way your ex has handled this. I wouldn't know what to suggest - other than giving her a larger share of the house sale and that's all!

You have the patience of a saint, but I can see it is wearing thin.

19lottie82

So your ex could be earning 2k a month, living in the home funded by the divorce settlement, and move a new fella into said house, and you'd still have to pay her £1150 a month (for the next six months)? :rotfl:

Also, an assistant librarian? Does she have any experience, paid or otherwise of a similar type role? If not applying for such a job in unrealistic. It may be low paid but There are plenty of graduates with relevant degrees who would be applying for this as a stepping stone towards their fixture career.

I take it she hasn't applyed for any temping jobs yet?

19lottie82

Ps jack PLEASE don't go back on the reduced maintenance. Did you not say before that her trying to get a court order regarding this would be useless as she wouldn't get a date before the final hearing in January, anyway?

Marisco

I think Jack has been a "soft lad" for too long, he needs to put his foot down and say something like "right, I'll pay the mortgage 'till the house is sold, you pay the bills yourself, I'll still give the kids money (mind it wouldn't be 1k a month, you should let them get jobs like other students do to fund their lifestyles!!) When the house is sold, you can have half the equity, then that's your lot"!! If you have to give her the 55k, to make sure your pension is left alone, then do it, to get this parasite off your back!

If she wants a 200k house, then tell her she has to pay for it herself, either through getting a fantastic job, or finding another [STRIKE]mug[/STRIKE] bloke to keep her.

I'm not very clued up on legalities, but what would happen if Jack just said, "sod this, I'm not paying anything other than the mortgage anymore"? I still can't understand why the solicitors are saying he has to pay her maintenance though?

Happier_Me

I have been dipping in and out of your thread for a while now. I haven't been in your situation so can't add much by way of advic but I wanted to say that I am disgusted by the demands being made by your ex. his gives us females a bad name and I can't understand how someone would expect to be 'kept' like this.

What little experience I do have is from a high earning friend who has been through a similar experience.

I would be looking to evidence lower cost 3 bed homes in areas you consider suitable for her together with modest running costs. Her claim for monthly maintenance of £1,150 and a house for £225k is simply ridiculous.

My friend agreed a much lower maintenance figure with similar co habiting rules suggested but this ended after a three year period on the basis that this gave his ex enough time to retrain into a role that could financially support her. Bear in mind that his ex has primary school age children and they share custody.

Good luck