Just dont know what to do

universalady_2

Poor poor thing, I don't have alot to say, just that it's good thats she's expressing her thoughts and feelings, and she should be encouraged to carry on doing this in any way. I didn't, I bottled everything up and eventually I just broke down, it's a much longer road to recovery

VJsmum

Winstons wish have been amazing for my niece and nephew after their dad's death. Particularly the now 11 year old niece who had got all sorts of things mixed up in her head.

Her dad committed suicide and she got the idea that he'd been murdered - WW helped her to realise what had happened and helped SIL to know what to do and say.

rebeccatom

There are some really good books on helping children through the grieving process. and also ones for children to read themselves. Maybe Macmillan or cruse could recommend one for you.

ognum

CRUSE have specialist children's teams, Definately try them

valk_scot

You sound a lovely and concerned step parent so I expect you don't need me to tell you this, but keep talking. Kids start up conversations at the oddest times, like driving to a sports club or whatever and you really just have to be ready to go with them talking, however inconvenient it may be or (unfortunately) no matter how bad a day you've had yourself. And when they change the subject, accept that they've had enough talking and don't push anything. Of course it's also very difficult when a childs gets emotional and cries, there's no way you can make it better after all and you end up crying yourself in sympathy let alone your own grief but this is okay, it's better to get these things out than bottle them up.

Kids like to hang onto odd things belonging to a deceased person too, just go with it whatever they are. As to the texts, how about letters, or a journal? Just somewhere she can feel she's still got a line of contact, even though it's one way. She can leave letters or notes at the cemetery after all, or small things like flowers or a toy.

It's so early though, everyone says the first year is the worst because it's the first Christmas without Mum, the first birthday, the first summer holiday etc. Add to that the kids have also had to move homes (and possibly schools? Moved away from friends?) and it all gets so ghastly, what's left to hang onto except her sibling and surviving parent? And then there's the rest of the family being unsettled on all sorts of levels...well, you have my sympathy, it's such a lot for you all to handle.

Yes, more councilling might be useful. But cuddles, talking and time are going to be even more important long term. For all of you. Just don't try to bottle anything up, no matter if it seems the easier option at the time. It's normal for there to be a lot of tears and anger and grief.

quietheart

There have been some lovely suggestions here.
I would encourage her to write to her mum. Could you say that she is unable to write back but she will be watching over her and can read the letters?
My husband's mum died when he was 7 and he nobody spoke about her so he is still too embarrassed to bring the subject of her up. She needs to know how she feels is normal and it seems writing is a good outlet for her it's just managing the frustration of not getting a reply.
Poor girl. At least she's got you.

Acc72

Just to add to the other comments.

Based on my own experience - my sister was the same age when our dad died and I was a couple of years older - I would really look into all types of support available for you all, including counselling.

Unfortunately, we did not (this was a few years ago now) and we never really recovered as we should (even to this day), either individually or as a familly.

Best wishes to you all.

bigbumsmallhips

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply, ALL your comments are very much appreciated and i will be taking a lot of them on board. I now realise that I am not alone on this. I will definately look into the websites you have suggested.

Everything is just really hard at the minute and I feel like I am sinking trying to keep everything and everyone together but as a family we will get through it with lots of cuddles and talking.

Thanks again x

Lunar_Eclipse

Gosh this is so heartbreaking.

There has been some excellent advice given and as much as I believe in talking things through, if the child doesn't want to (currently) or isn't able to, please don't overdo the encouragement. Some people are incredibly private and ultimately, she needs to process her grief herself in ways that suit her. Some outside help and loving support at home is obviously highly desirable and you're doing a brilliant job (it must be hard for you all.)

I just wanted to say that some children won't feel comfortable in much discussion, for a myriad of reasons which is ok. She does need an outlet though and I think the letter writing is a good one, amongst others. In terms of her desire for her mother to watch over her, has she spoken to a vicar (or similar) about it? Most children, even non-religious ones, believe in Heaven to some degree at this age andit could offer some comfort/explanation. Just another thought.

All the best. I really feel for you all.

Saturnalia

Maybe get her a nice notebook and pens, so she can write to and write about her mum, and all her notes are kept in one place she can read again if she wants to.