£21,000 to pay off -but we will do it this time.

liltdiddylilt

Penny you wrote it in the right place sweetheart. It is ok to feel everything you're feeling. I have been here and got the t-shirt over the last 18 months, and I've been treated the same as you for a very long time.

Lucky is right. There isn't a whole lot we can do other than offer our support over t'interweb. But the support network here is fantastic so lean on us.

There was an article in some unmentionable newspaper saying that Relate get the most calls between now and the end of January. So many people, women especially, feeling put upon after juggling all of the balls at Christmas and having an utterly oblivious other half put money in one hand and watch their kids open presents with amazement on the day without knowing anything that went into the middle part of that sequence. Something to do with that particular set of events and New Year harking a new start that gets divorce lawyers very busy.

So maybe it is a seasonal itch that will settle down over the next month or so into boring and dull but manageable. If so, then maybe look at finding some time for yourself. You may not feel like going out and seeing your friends, but there must be something you could do that would give you some time out and give DH the chance to see what it is like when you disappear for a few hours here and there.

How old are your kiddiwinks? When do you get this fabled time of life after debt, when they are old enough to look after themselves?

Huge hugs to you hun. Think you need to arrange some time out from your family no matter what in the next week. Anything will do, you just need a bit of a break.

If you need anything we are all here... xx

Eager_Elephant

Oh (((PWPS))) - just wanted to let you know that I am here reading your thread.

I am the same, I had a plan to leave my DH but then he got ill so at the moment I am biding my time until my youngest is 18 and then I will reassess.

DH is kind of aware of my plans and mentioned it the other day - I just smiled.

Ellieseven is in the same boat, she has no children at home but has debt which she wants to clear before she leaves her husband.

It's so hard to know what is the right thing to do - my DH bucked up his ideas when I refused to play happy families any longer. There was the day the kids and I went to a boating lake miles away without him, he thought I wouldn't do it but I did and he was gutted! Another time he wouldn't come to my mum's over some argument so I went anyway and instead of telling them he was ill I told them we had an argument.

Could you talk to your DH and explain how you are feeling? If your relationship has been the same for years he might not realise that you are not happy.

As Lilt said, now is that time that cracks appear in relationships as we all have time off and have more time to think. The busiest week for divorce enquiries with solicitors is next week (just after New Year).

Could you write down what you actually want in terms of time to yourself, help with the kids etc and then speak to DH about it?

Whatever you decide and whenever you need to sound off we are all here for you.:grouphug:

debtfreeoneday

I'm sorry to read that things are not good, have you spoken to your DH? Sending you hugs.. x

liltdiddylilt

Wow EE sounds like big hugs required for you and Ellieseven too... You must be exceptionally strong ladies xxx

pennywisepoundstupid

Afternoon ladies and thankyou for replying to my rambling on.

Spoke to DH briefly this morning but to be honest it's like talking to a brick wall and we have gone over it some many times over the past few years that I'm now just numb to what he says to me, he said but I love you, to which I said I love you too, but is that enough, his reply was it should be, I said what about respect, sharing responsibilities and being on an equal footing, he didn't reply to this.
He had to get back to work and I will try to speak to him again later before he goes out to friends party, I havn't told him yet that I'm not going.

I do want to say that I do love him very much and i know he loves me, he has never hit me, yes we have heated arguments and I've been known to throw things, but it has never been nasty, i'm not living in fear or anything, he is a good dad and a good man. He is though incredible thoughtless and selfish at times, I don't know if part of it has come from being an only child and only having himself to think of, maybe I'm partly to blame I do like to take care of everyone, make sure they are fed properly and have everything they need (he calls me a mother hen). He knows the children will be taken care of regardless of what he does and that I will see to the animals, therefore he knows he can go out with his mates at a drop of a hat, whereas I have to check first that he will be around and that he hasn't already got plans, I honestly wish I had the money to book a week away and just go off and tell him to deal with it and juggle what I have juggle day in day out, but sadly that's not going to happen.

pennywisepoundstupid

So back to money.

This month I get paid 2 child benefits, one right at the beginning and one today, I did think about paying it all off debt, but I havn't instead I decided to do a big shop and stock up on cleaning things, huge box of washing powder and lots of meat for the freezer, hopefully this will then reduce my grocery bill over the next few weeks. So I ended up spending £84 in sainsbugs.

I did also buy DS a pair of new chinos in sainsbugs, he has had a growth spurt over Christmas and his trousers are all half mast, thankfully all his jogging bottoms are ok.

I did also buy myself a new skirt that was half price in the sale, it was reduced to £7 and I love it and soo pleased with it, as soon as I saw it I wanted it and they only had one left in my size so it was mean't to be, I also have a pair of heels in the same shade of purple:j, I'm going to wear it tomorrow night with a little black cardi .

Pay day tomorrow, so I'm going to make a budget and work out what needs paying for the month ahead.

liltdiddylilt

Sorry little spam post so I can get to the last page and see you.. stupid phone! Xx

pennywisepoundstupid

Lilt are you not in hospital and supposed to be resting .

liltdiddylilt

Won't let me edit now...

Sounds like you've a clearer head this morning hun and great news on the big shop! Kids grow like weeds don't they!!

I too am a mother hen and Hims mum was one as well so I know how hard it is taking your foot off the pedal. The one time I did as I couldn't move... 6 weeks on Him left me maybe try that on your DH and he might gain some perspective!!

Big hugs to you! Xxxx

liltdiddylilt

And yes I am all good. Doped up for the pain so am ok! Been thinking of you so had to check in...

All ok I promise you think about you! Xx