£21,000 to pay off -but we will do it this time.

pennywisepoundstupid

What are you like you daft thing, your the one in hospital and your thinking about me.

I'm fine honestly, laid out on the sofa feeling sick having eaten half a box of Thortons continental chocolates , I'm calling it decluttering.

Eager_Elephant

pennywisepoundstupid wrote: »

Afternoon ladies and thankyou for replying to my rambling on.

Spoke to DH briefly this morning but to be honest it's like talking to a brick wall and we have gone over it some many times over the past few years that I'm now just numb to what he says to me, he said but I love you, to which I said I love you too, but is that enough, his reply was it should be, I said what about respect, sharing responsibilities and being on an equal footing, he didn't reply to this.
He had to get back to work and I will try to speak to him again later before he goes out to friends party, I havn't told him yet that I'm not going.

I do want to say that I do love him very much and i know he loves me, he has never hit me, yes we have heated arguments and I've been known to throw things, but it has never been nasty, i'm not living in fear or anything, he is a good dad and a good man. He is though incredible thoughtless and selfish at times, I don't know if part of it has come from being an only child and only having himself to think of, maybe I'm partly to blame I do like to take care of everyone, make sure they are fed properly and have everything they need (he calls me a mother hen). He knows the children will be taken care of regardless of what he does and that I will see to the animals, therefore he knows he can go out with his mates at a drop of a hat, whereas I have to check first that he will be around and that he hasn't already got plans, I honestly wish I had the money to book a week away and just go off and tell him to deal with it and juggle what I have juggle day in day out, but sadly that's not going to happen.

Hopefully DH will take in what you said and change his ways.


Can you pinpoint what responsibilities you want to share, some men just don't get it and need it explained?


I hope you can speak to him again tonight.


I agree that love is not enough but the things you feel are missing can be worked on whereas if there was no love but all the rest then that is harder to work on.


I too am a Mother Hen and DH knows that I will sort everything - sometimes I wish I had no responsibility.


I know I bang on about it but if it was not for Agnus Castus I may be in prison for murder by now. I find it really keeps my hormones and this my temper in check and makes me much calmer. My children call them happy pills, although they are not a herbal anti-depressant they do help lift my mood a lot.

Eager_Elephant

Forgot to say great bargain on the skirt - I love purple soooo much. I even have a purple car!!!!

pennywisepoundstupid

Hi EE,

DH came in earlier and asked me if I was getting ready to go out, I tld him I wasn't going anywhere, firstly he got cross and I told him he could shout all he wanted but I wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't being bullied into it, he then started with what do I tell people, I said I couldn't care less, tell them the truth that I'm not playing happy families anymore, he then tried to twist things and make me feel bad, but I stood my ground, I didn't get cross or lose my temper, I told him I loved him but wasn't going to put up with being a doormat anymore, we did chat and he admitted that he needs to pay me more attention and treat me less like the housekeeper, we chatted some more adn got some stuff cleared, but I've told him he needs to show me with actions, not just say he will do something. I really want to get back to where we where and DH said he doesn't want us to drift any further apart, I hope we can turn things around.

DH was still trying to persuade me to go out as he was walking out the door but I stood firm, it will do him good to be in charge of the children for afew hours.

EE -I have heard you talk about Agnus castus before, I have taken St johns wort in the past and made a huge difference to my mood, maybe I should try taking it again, it couldn't hurt.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Glad you had a chat, hope it's the first of many and the start of positive changes Xx

pennywisepoundstupid

Thankyou PLMBL.

Polly_Wolly_Doodle

Hugs Penny, I think most of us swing between knowing we have good men that are solid and trustworthy and then we swing to feeling they don't do enough etc etc.
I've thought these things to and what has stopped me from bolting has been the children. I wouldn't want them having the instability of living between two houses and actually it would take so much more organising (and money) to be apart.
Don't get me wrong my DH is fine (most of the time!!) but I do have similar thoughts.
As the others have said it's also the time of year when we are bombarded by images of perfect families and perfect presents etc but it's all just marketing, or other people papering over the cracks in their relationships.
Keep strong and see how things feel in the new year:) xx

pennywisepoundstupid

So it's the last day of 2014 I've not achieved as much as I had wanted in terms of debt busting, but I will remain positive as it is going down slowly.

I've been thinking of what I want to achieve next year and keeping it real, so I have decided I need to give myself a target for each debt, current debt is £18,753,I would like it to be under 15k by the end of 2015 which I think is achievable.
In red i have put what debt is now and in green what I would like it to be by the end of 2015.
Debt is as follows:

Tesco - £7599.65/£5500
Barclaycard -£5679.21/£4400
Halifax -£5474.66/£4500


I have also been looking at how I'm going to do this, I'm now working more hours and have increased my wage by £200 since this time last year, although I do now pay breakfast club which costs me £5 a week, I'm continuing with surveys and ebay, cash payments are paid straight off Mr T CC and survey vouchers are used for grocery shopping, I really must get back into going to aLD! for my weekly shop I have been sing sainsbugs again and although I love the place it is not good for my purse.
I must continue to cook from scratch, use/freeze leftovers and make sure we all take packed lunches to work and school.
Use the airer at night in front of the woodburner, I have been lazy the last few weeks with so much illness in the house and have been using the tumble dryer:(.

I can't think of anything else at the minute, but I do have a good feeling about 2015 and fingers crossed it will be a good year.

pennywisepoundstupid

Polly_Wolly_Doodle wrote: »

Hugs Penny, I think most of us swing between knowing we have good men that are solid and trustworthy and then we swing to feeling they don't do enough etc etc.
I've thought these things to and what has stopped me from bolting has been the children. I wouldn't want them having the instability of living between two houses and actually it would take so much more organising (and money) to be apart.
Don't get me wrong my DH is fine (most of the time!!) but I do have similar thoughts.
As the others have said it's also the time of year when we are bombarded by images of perfect families and perfect presents etc but it's all just marketing, or other people papering over the cracks in their relationships.
Keep strong and see how things feel in the new year:) xx

Thanks PWD, I'm feeling a bit brighter and happier this morning, I know you are right about the whole perfect family thing being shoved down your throat at Christmas, some of what I said to DH must of gone in as he has booked 3 days off work at Feb half term:D, even if we ccan't afford to go away I think I would like to spend one of the days at the Museum of Science and Industry in Manchester, I love it there and we havn't been for a couple of years and it's free :j.

mummytogirls

Morning Pennywise,

Im glad you stuck to your guns with DH and I hope the discussion you had has made him sit up and realise xx