Paying for fertility treatment (IVF)

memoryoftrees

It's also quite a distance from me :rotfl:

memoryoftrees

Thanks FatVon. It's strange but I have no concerns or worries about somebody getting pregnant from using my eggs if I don't on the first attempt as I would struggle to raise money for a second/third attempt without egg-sharing, so while I am doing my lady a huge favour, she is also doing me a huge favour. I'd also have a "at least one of us got something out of it!" attitude!

FatVonD

You are far more altruistic than me then, OP! I believe I was probably a bit bitter at that point :eek:

Kayalana99

I dont think I could do it for me it would be almost giving a child away although they wouldnt of existed otherwise I think it would be weird knowing thiers a mini me out thier that im never going to meet or have any access to.

Probally not the best place to say this but I can't really understand why you would have IVF if your not using one of your own eggs I would probally go down the adoption route if I couldn't as *to me* its pratically the same thing but without the labour/pregnacy. Obvouisly in this case OP is using her own eggs anyway.

Don't want to offend anyone, havn't been in this situation myself so I guess untill you have you can't know how you feel.

I wish you all the luck in the world if I had a million in the bank I think I'd honestly be sending you a cheque right.

nottslass_2

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Probally not the best place to say this but I can't really understand why you would have IVF if your not using one of your own eggs I would probally go down the adoption route if I couldn't as *to me* its pratically the same thing but without the labour/pregnacy. Obvouisly in this case OP is using her own eggs anyway.

Don't want to offend anyone, havn't been in this situation myself so I guess untill you have you can't know how you feel.
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There are very few babies available for adoption,the average age of of a child being adopted is 3 years 3months and less than 2% of children available for adoption are under the age of 12 months !!

Sorry but it really isn't "practically the same,but without the labour/pregnancy". Obviuosly adoption is the right thing for many people and there are many happy parents whose children "grew in their heart" but meeting ,parenting and bonding with an older child,one with additional need or sibling groups is a whole different ball game

kavics17

My neighbour shopped around with the drugs too. They got a huge list and 70% of them they bought in France where it's much cheaper.

memoryoftrees

"Why don't you just adopt?" is a question that I know is well meant. All the same, I inevitably feel my hackles rising whenever I hear it. That's without intending offence to the poster who asked - I know you mean well, but while I hugely admire people who do adopt, it just isn't for me.

With IVF, I contact the clinic and (assuming I have the funds, which I do) I can get started on my next period. With adoption, I would have years (no, I am really not exaggerating) of meetings and home checks and credit checks and checks on my physical and mental health and interviews with my family, with friends and colleagues, with ex partners. People talk about IVF being invasive and it is, in a physical sense, but it doesn't compare to the huge trawling of every aspect of your life that is done when you want to adopt.

Then there is the added complication that children available for adoption were removed from their birth parents for a reason, and that reason is usually traumatic. Sexual abuse, physical abuse and neglect all can result in a hugely damaged little person who is not grateful at you, his or her adoptive parents, for removing him or her from a traumatic home life but angry at the world at large, or scared and withdrawn, or any number of variables.

As someone has already noted, babies very, very rarely are available for adoption and most people who do want to adopt want as young a child as possible there are huge waiting lists for under 3's, in most places.

Furthermore, if I did want to adopt, that assumes the adoption panel would want me. I am not an "ideal adopter"; I am not married, I do not have family support and would have to work full time following maternity leave. Therefore, the under-3's go to Mr and Mrs Jones while the hard to place children (in other words, the most troubled) would go to people like me, if I was approved at all. I suspect I would not be.

My main reason for never considering adoption is that the child has the right to contact his family as a young adult. I fully understand this and respect it, however, it would break me into a thousand pieces and I couldn't cope, I know I couldn't. Better to be honest about these things from the start.

Sorry to have jumped on my soapbox there a bit but "just adopt" inevitably comes from people who have no idea what adoption entails and interestingly who have never done it. My answer, meant nicely and not aggressively at all (honestly) is that if you genuinely believe what you have posted to me why haven't you tried to adopt rather than have your own babies?

dizziblonde

Any way the mods can move the "oooh just adopt" claptrap sidetrack out of the thread as it's getting sidetracked and the original post asked a perfectly valid and sensible query they deserve to have answered.

I'm actually furious someone with no experience or understanding of what fertility issues can feel like decided to roll on and sidetrack things with it to be honest.

Kayalana99

memoryoftrees wrote: »

Sorry to have jumped on my soapbox there a bit but "just adopt" inevitably comes from people who have no idea what adoption entails and interestingly who have never done it. My answer, meant nicely and not aggressively at all (honestly) is that if you genuinely believe what you have posted to me why haven't you tried to adopt rather than have your own babies?

I didnt mean to offend, but my main point was I couldn't see the point in IVF if you wasn't using your own DNA, as I just feel with someone elses egg the baby would still not 100% be mine which although you get the extra 9 months to carry its still not a part of you and your partner. I would always feel the birth mother was still out thier kind of thing which to me, is basicly the same as adopting but obvouisly more hassle perhaps to go through that route.

The other poster made some excellent points as well, but I do know someone who has gone through the adoption process and have two children (both were babies) but I do have to admit they are 'Mr and Mrs Jones' kind of family so I see what you personally are saying about it and I complety understand that adoption is a really long drawn out process and very intrusive and does indd come with the whole having to tell them thier adopted and social services getting involved alot even if just to check up every year or so.

Honest answar to your question I did bring it up with my partner but at the same time I would feel selfish for adopting a baby (Obvouisly if the child was older I wouldn't feel this at all!) because I do realise thier are alot of woman who can't have kids on this waiting list for baby and I would be pushing them back for no reaon whatsoever in a sense.

I do plan to foster at some point in my life but my OH keeps saying he would fall in love with a child he has to give back...so I am not sure if I can yet to bring him round but we will see as obvouisly we both need to be on board.

I meant nothing aimed at you as my post was regards to the woman you would be egg sharing with, although I can understand why it would annoy.

Obvouisly your welcome to reply but I don't want to spam up your post with a debate about what is right and wrong as you came here for help with IVF and Im afaird this is going to push it way of topic if it carrys on to much xx

Edit: I do hope you see that I wasnt telling the OP to 'just adopt!' I feel like my orignal post has really been mis interpted ><

sulkisu

dizziblonde wrote: »

Any way the mods can move the "oooh just adopt" claptrap sidetrack out of the thread as it's getting sidetracked and the original post asked a perfectly valid and sensible query they deserve to have answered.

I'm actually furious someone with no experience or understanding of what fertility issues can feel like decided to roll on and sidetrack things with it to be honest.

But that is only because they have no understanding of what infertility feels like, so try not to be too hard on them. I think you have to be infertile to really understand it. I suffered for 15 years before having my boys and even though they are still very young, I find it hard to remember how awful being infertile felt.

OP have you considered being treated overseas? Apparently it can be significantly cheaper, even with flights, accommodation etc added.

Otherwise I agree with others about shopping around for drugs, but be careful and whatever you do, do not be tempted to buy them from dodgy internet sites.