Depression II

queensway_boy

To everyone big hugs and handshakes ...............................................




.........

gillette147

Hi to westclok, dmg and happysinglemom xxx
........and everyone else.
It's depressing that so many people are depressed!!

Life doesn't feel very real to me. I'm not black dog suicidal but I am really really down. Everything is manjana with me. Jobhunting, sorting out doctors, even having a shave.

Tiff will kill me but I'm off the meds. For 5 days I took a half dose and yesterday and today none. I just feel that my depression is attitude and the way I am....rather than chemical. None of the meds changed my depression. I had 2 unusual for me tearful days at the beginning of my first ADs but then same old me. I know I could try other meds or stronger doses but I suspect that alot of my problems are circumstantial. And my crap attitude to circumstances. Any crap in my life and I'm depressed.

I suspect that enough counselling and soul searching would be the answer but I've had my 6 free ones so it will have to come from my own efforts. I'm not going to be able to flick a switch and be happy......but I think I need to live for a while accepting that these are my cards and I have to play them. I'm not in a good place but I just think the meds are making me big-up the depression instead of down-playing it.

This move will also remove other problems that they are causing. I have low self-esteem because I am on them. It upsets my g/f that I'm on them. I am sure they are dumbing down my sex drive and energy. And it makes me feel it's ok to be on the sick - when the reality is that I will end up penniless if it continues.

NO way do I condone this approach for anyone else. I only talk about it here because there is nowhere else where I can air these thoughts.

My version of self-harming is usually to cut out friends etc. and I have been doing this lately. Hiding from people on msn....resigning from posting in the arms yesterday but at least I emailed someone last night who I have been seeing on msn but avoiding. I need to slowly climb back into contact with people. Being at home is so bad for me. I need interest and stuff happening to make me feel life is worth it. But I put on weight, then my clothes don't fit and so I don't want to go out. Just feel fat and uncomfortable and want to get back home - so I become more and more a recluse. I am in a vicious circle which I somehow must break.

G/f was here weekend and I miss her now. Sister was here too. Had a bit of fun. I used to be good at fun. having fun isn't being happy......but it really helps.

xxxx

Sazbo

Thanks qb, really appreciate it.

Gilly, hang in there. Keep chatting here to us, we're free at the point of use:D

Love,
Saz x

queensway_boy

Sazbo wrote: »

Thanks qb, really appreciate it

Are your legs aching today?:D

Errata

This site

http://www.diy-therapy.com/

seems to be quite comprehensive on diy cbt etc and also has some useful links. HTH

happysinglemum

dmg24 wrote: »

Thanks for your message HSM,

Whilst I was actively attending, I was getting support from the Disability Support Officer, but now he is just not interested. He seems to think that because one tutor sent me some work (one week from the whole term!), that they are supporting me.

My GP is great, but he doesn't even know that I am ill at the moment. I have made appointments but always end up cancelling them, going to the docs means I have to see people!

I've just run out of fight at the moment, have gone into hibernation phase. If only someone would pay my bills in the meantime! x

I've tried the not drinking thing like you are, and it really is a tough one. Could you find things to distract you? I've just taken delivery of a load of books from the library, they keep me entertained when I would otherwise drink or take a sleeping tablet. I also find cross stitch a great distraction, you don't have time to do anything else with your hands.

I don't think you are a failure for drinking, you still manage to bring up your son, who I have no doubt thinks you are fantastic. I don't have children, but I look after my friend's children a lot, and I find time with them so rewarding. Their love is so uncomplicated, why can't it always be that way?! x

Thanks for the support dmg, it means a lot. I'm currently studying, so I suppose the essays should be my distraction, but I really can't motivate myself to do them. I'm just spending hours on mse & msn, as it's easier than having to bother connecting with anyone 'real' (no offence to anyone here, but YKWIM I hope?).

My son is absolutely great, and understands totally when Mummy has a 'sad sam' day. Just lately though, he's had to be more understanding than usual, and that just piles on the guilt, as I'm hardly spending any time with him.

Would it be possible to ring your GP and speak to him on the phone about what's wrong? My GP offers a 'call-back' service, where the GP will ring you after normal surgery is finished. He may even agree to come out on a home visit?

And you could always e-mail Academic Registry at your uni to formally complain about your treatment by them. I know it's hard to deal with anything official when you're feeling like this, but I find e-mail and (sometimes, if I'm feeling strong enough) phoning, is easier than dealing with things and people face to face.

I hope you can get something sorted out - it doesn't seem fair that they should fail you because you're ill.

xx

Let_Robinson_Sing

2 more exams finished. that means 6 exams down 5 left. wooo

gillette147

Hi sandy,
I've seen you about but we don't "know" each other - welcome aboard xx
If you read my posts above you'll see I know what it's like to want to withdraw from the world. But it helps if you don't think of this place in that way.

Good luck to you and son...and hugs to you xxx

queensway_boy

*sandymogs* wrote: »

Hi everyone for the second time today :hello:. I posted here this morning, but I guess I chickened out and deleted my post .

Right here goes...... I have suffered with depression in the past and been on anti-depressants, but have not had them for about 5 years now. I have been feeling very low for some time now, which has gradually got worse during the last nine months or so. I've not been on MSE for about 10 weeks, as my son aged 14 has recently undergone a major operation to have his colon removed, due to suffering with severe ulcerative colitis. He also has autism, so he can be quite a handful to cope with at times. All the he stress has left me with another bout of depression, although I knew this was coming.

When I feel like this, I tend to shut people out and avoid any form of social contact with the outside world and I even avoid having family members calling. I don't have to worry about friends calling, because I don't have any I'm afraid .

I've not yet been to see my GP, as I just can't face going there at the moment. I know I should, but thought I'd start by sharing my problem with others here who understand how I'm feeling.

Thanks qb for the pm, your a darling :A .

Yes you do have friends sandy,everyone in here,i know you meant where you live but in this thread everyones a friend.As for your post:T well done first of all for posting,thing is i'm good at listening,hugging,helping but carp at writing really good advice but your lucky because we have some real good uns in here who are far better than me at putting things into words concerning depression and all other things attached to it,just give them time to see your post and reply to it

happysinglemum

queensway_boy wrote: »

Yes you do have friends sandy,everyone in here,i know you meant where you live but in this thread everyones a friend.As for your post:T well done first of all for posting,thing is i'm good at listening,hugging,helping but carp at writing really good advice but your lucky because we have some real good uns in here who are far better than me at putting things into words concerning depression and all other things attached to it,just give them time to see your post and reply to it

Sometimes qb, it's the little things, like thanking someone for their post, that makes them feel like they're not alone.

Anyway, I've seen some of your posts, and I think you're great! :A

xx