Envious of others

TheEffect

I'm 22, at university with a year to go, am broke and single. I look around at my close friends, and while few are in the same circumstances as me, others have good jobs, savings, partners, children, have just started to get their first property, engaged, traveling etc and I can't help but feel envious and that I've sort of 'fallen behind' in life.

I know I'm still young, and I'll hopefully be in a better position in a few years time, but I can't seem to shake this feeling, and can't seem to look further than the current circumstances.

To make it all worse, it's raining...

Gigglepig

Perhaps you just need to look a little further - and you will see how lucky you are. Lots of people with health issues, severe financial trouble, not to mention billions abroad who are most likely worse off than you. My advice would be to broaden your perspective... And it is almost summer.

TheEffect

Gigglepig wrote: »

Perhaps you just need to look a little further - and you will see how lucky you are. Lots of people with health issues, severe financial trouble, not to mention billions abroad who are most likely worse off than you. My advice would be to broaden your perspective... And it is almost summer.

Thanks for the reply. You're definitely right. I've had some amazing opportunities and am very lucky.

I think I've just hit a little rough patch in life where all I seem to be able to concentrate on is the negative. I think that, toppled with having no idea of what I actually want to do after university career wise, has made me look at others and ultimately feel envious.

Roll on the summer!

Bazey

Have you thought about "downgrading" your friends? I tend to choose low aspirational, no ambition deadbeats. That way it feels that I'm less of a failure. I also have more friends than them on facebook, not that it's a popularity contest or owt.

Person_one

A few years ago I had the good job, the lovely home and the handsome partner.

Now I'm re-training, I'm broke, single and I live in a crappy one bed flat with a view of a brick wall.

I'm about a million times happier now though, the first scenario wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The people you think are 'ahead' of you might actually be envious of your situation, you never know!

Life isn't a race or a competition. The only finish line is the one we all get to sooner or later.

TheEffect

Bazey wrote: »

Have you thought about "downgrading" your friends? I tend to choose low aspirational, no ambition deadbeats. That way it feels that I'm less of a failure. I also have more friends than them on facebook, not that it's a popularity contest or owt.

Ditching my friends because I'm jealous of them probably isn't the best idea. I'd much rather deal with the jealousy.

Plus I've known most of them since I was 11, so it's hard to get rid of them.

Person_one wrote: »

A few years ago I had the good job, the lovely home and the handsome partner.

Now I'm re-training, I'm broke, single and I live in a crappy one bed flat with a view of a brick wall.

I'm about a million times happier now though, the first scenario wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The people you think are 'ahead' of you might actually be envious of your situation, you never know!

Life isn't a race or a competition. The only finish line is the one we all get to sooner or later.

Thanks for the reply. This gave me food for thought.

Lagoon

TheEffect wrote: »

I think that, toppled with having no idea of what I actually want to do after university career wise, has made me look at others and ultimately feel envious.

I think that this bit speaks volumes. I don't think how you're feeling is necessary general envy at your friends and their circumstances, I think it's more a reflection on you and the fact that you're currently lacking goals.

When you have your own goal - something to put your time into working towards - you stop minding what others are up to. Without a goal you feel like you're at a dead end - it might feel like you're envious of everyone else, but the quickest way to get over that feeling is to stop worrying about what they're doing and to decide what YOU want to do next with your life. A new hobby or interest, saving to go on holiday to somewhere specific, or finding your dream job.

Once you have a goal, you won't feel that you've fallen behind even if you're not settling down and having kids. You shouldn't make it your goal to find someone to be with - you'll get more from working on your own life and your individual goal, and the rest will come in time.

SailorSam

And remember if it's raining all the flowers in the garden will start growing and brighten your world.

TheEffect

Lagoon wrote: »

I think that this bit speaks volumes. I don't think how you're feeling is necessary general envy at your friends and their circumstances, I think it's more a reflection on you and the fact that you're currently lacking goals.

When you have your own goal - something to put your time into working towards - you stop minding what others are up to. Without a goal you feel like you're at a dead end - it might feel like you're envious of everyone else, but the quickest way to get over that feeling is to stop worrying about what they're doing and to decide what YOU want to do next with your life. A new hobby or interest, saving to go on holiday to somewhere specific, or finding your dream job.

Once you have a goal, you won't feel that you've fallen behind even if you're not settling down and having kids. You shouldn't make it your goal to find someone to be with - you'll get more from working on your own life and your individual goal, and the rest will come in time.

Great post, thanks. I had aspirations to become a teacher (I worked in a school for a year before going to university), but recently I've been questioning whether that's still a route I want to go down. I think that's the moment I started looking at others and feeling envious.

lika_86

I sometimes feel like I'm getting left behind by my friends who all seem to have got married and bought houses all very young.

I'm very nearly 27 and have just qualified in my dream career, I'm not married (nor have any plans to be for a good few years) and nowhere near being able to afford my own house (London prices, grrr). But, I have these things in front of me. Some of my friends have them all behind them now and to me, it's kind of sad to think that before the age of 30 that they have already got engaged, got married, bought a house and new car and had children. What else is left to look forward to that's a big life event?

I blame Facebook for life envy. Start combatting it by posting pictures of the amazing things you do in life, they don't have to be big things, sometimes it's all the little life skills you have that impress people and that people wish they had. Life is what you make it (and how you dress it up!).

Joons

You are only 22 and you are at university so will have a degree soon, not too shabby. We all feel envious at some point in our lifes, it's human nature. You're reassessing your situation and looking around to see what others have, or are doing, that's good, perhaps their achievements are making you think more about what else you can achieve. Don't be too envious of a mortgage at 22, you've still time to climb that ladder, same for marriage and kids, plenty time for that, concentrate on your University life and getting that great job at the end of it, you'll soon catch up and probably overtake others.