I think my friends are trying to convince me I'm going mad when I'm not!

Dinosaur_Train

I have two friends that I always see at the same time. We have nights out or meet for coffee. One of them is quite a dominant character, and like a lot of attention and to be in control of everything all the time. However I can put up with this in reasonable doses, and I like the other friend a lot, and we do generally have a good time when we meet up, so I've tolerated it up until now.

About a month ago, I disagreed with the dominant friend over something very minor when we met up. It wasn't an argument, more a difference of opinion (she likes people to agree with her). She got very annoyed that I didn't agree with her and started being unpleasant to me on the night out, so in the end I went home as she was speaking to me badly and I wasn't prepared to put up with that. I then reflected on things and decided I wasn't prepared to put up with being spoken to like that, and decided to cool things with her a little.

About a week after this she started sending me text messages saying she was very concerned about me as I don't seem myself and seem very depressed, and she wanted to be honest with me as she didn't want me to lose friends. She was quite forceful with me in her messages and seemed insistent "You ARE depressed, you just don't know it and need a friend to spell it out"

I am definitely not depressed in any way at all. I'm happy with my DH and children. I have no problems with any other friends and apart from cutting this friend out I have no issues in any other friendships.

I was annoyed at this friend but I let it go, and then the following week I heard from the other friend (who I normally get on well with). She phoned me and said that she and the other friend had been speaking, and they are both very worried with me, and they just want the old me back, and she too wouldn't take "I am not depressed" for an answer, and again she kept saying I might lose friends because of it. I felt really taken aback my the call. Like I said, I have no problems anywhere else in my life. I am still the same as I have always been. Possibly the only change in me is I dared to disagree with this other friend whereas I am probably more likely someone to smile and nod to keep the peace.

I've heard a couple of times since from the other friend saying again that she's worried about me and my depression, and I have replied both times by text that I am not depressed. I think the first friend, who can be quite manipulative at times, is putting seeds of doubt into this other friend's head and convincing here there are problems where there are none.

I feel like they are trying to convince me that I'm going mad. I know it's not a big thing but it's really bugging me. They are trying to make me doubt myself.

Bob_the_Saver

Life's too short, get new friends.

LittleBoots

Being depressed isn't 'going mad'
Ask them why they think this, ask them face to face, not thru txt/fb etc.
It's not uncommon for people to notice changes in others before they notice it themselves (it happened to me)

pigpen

Being depressed does not mean you are mad!!!

As far as the friends go .. tell them to sod off and if they don't wish to remain friends with you because you disagreed with bossy friend so be it.. life is too short to worry about what gossipy friends think of you.. and you don't want to be friends with children anyway.

You could try 'I am not depressed, though I am now angry.
You two have pee'd me off so I suggest you grow up or I am moving on with my life and leaving you two behind. I do not wish to discuss this with either of you again, if you cannot cope with being wrong that is not my problem'

Dinosaur_Train

By going mad I meant that they are trying to make me doubt myself and make out that I know my own mind. I realise depression isn't going mad.

I can categorically say I am not depressed. I have a large social circle of friends and no one else has said anything, and I am fine. I truly believe it's because I spoke up to this friend and refused to take her rubbish.

Toto

I would seriously tell her to sod off, honestly what on earth gives her the right to make a clinical assessment and diagnose a mental illness?

You really do need to part company I think. You may lose the friend you do like but that's just how life is sometimes.

scaredy_cat

you can do without toxic friends and that sounds what these two are.

just block their numbers in your phone.

coolcait

Friends might notice signs of depression before you do.

But real friends wouldn't threaten you with 'losing friends' if you don't agree that you're depressed :eek:

So, losing them would hardly be 'losing friends'.

It does look as if the only change in your behaviour recently has been that you grew a pair, stood up to the 'dominant' friend, and then decided that you wanted less of her toxic influence in your life.

Seems like a good pattern of behaviour to keep up...

LittleBoots

Dinosaur_Train wrote: »

By going mad I meant that they are trying to make me doubt myself and make out that I know my own mind. I realise depression isn't going mad.

I can categorically say I am not depressed. I have a large social circle of friends and no one else has said anything, and I am fine. I truly believe it's because I spoke up to this friend and refused to take her rubbish.

In that case....with friends like those...

Dinosaur_Train

You've all said exactly what I'm thinking I'm going to do. I think I shall just stop meeting up with the pair of them. They can meet up and discuss my supposed depression to their heart's content then! :-D

Saturnalia

You've changed. For your betterment and their detriment, and they can't hack it and are being rude to try to make you doubt yourself and go back to not asserting yourself.

I agree with your post above.