post deleted

Whattodonow

post deleted....

j.e.j.

Whattodonow wrote: »

Without going into details, basically a close family-in-law member has decided to get married abroad, in a very expensive place.

We are also planning our own wedding, but because of the expense of attending the in-laws wedding, we have had to put this back, and also we won't be able to afford another holiday because of attending the wedding.

Other friends and family are also having to save up massively to go.

There is no way out of getting out of going to the wedding. But I'm just wondering why people do this? It's OK if you have a wealthy family and friends but these people don't. I don't know if they realise the financial burden they are putting on everyone with their wedding!

What happens then if someone really does not have the money to go to said wedding abroad? Would they be expected to get into debt in order to attend?

I think hen/stag do's and weddings are getting way out of hand these days. I wouldn't have the cheek to ask people to attend my wedding if it were abroad. In fact I'd get married abroad if I didn't want many family members attending

CH27

Because they are selfish?

I think it is very selfish & inconsiderate to insist on people spending a fortune to attend a wedding abroad.

If I was you OP no way would I put my own wedding back just to go to someone elses.

burnoutbabe

Just one of you go (whoevers family it is) maybe?

Postponing your own wedding to spend money on someone elses seems all wrong.

74jax

A person chooses to get married in a place special to them.

Some choose places assessible to their guests, other consider themselves before their guests.

Its a very personal thing. We choose our venue for US not our guests so understand if people don't want to go for whatever reason.

Kayalana99

If I was to get married aboard I would accept thier and then that although I would invite people...I wouldn't be anyway bothered if they didnt attend due to the expence.

If your dream wedding is abroad then I dont blame them at all! Guilt tripping people into going for whatever reason is another story....

bossymoo

I got married abroad, although not somewhere prohibitively expensive. We wanted a small wedding, with only immediate family as guests.

I suppose, if I want to get married somewhere exclusive, I would accept that not everyone I wanted there would be ale to attend. We changed our first choice as that would have been a trade-off between that location and my brother attending. I'd rather have my brother there.

We're all different, and we all want different things for our special day.

balletshoes

Theres no such thing as "no way to get out of attending the wedding" . Even the bride and groom aren't forced to attend .

If its too expensive, don't go, it really is that simple. Unless it was at a time of year and a resort I'd go to anyway on holiday, I wouldn't sacrifice my family holiday or a big chunk of money that could be used for something else I had planned, on going to a family wedding abroad. It just wouldn't be happening (and I did get married abroad, but it was because I was marrying a non-EU citizen and doing it on the cheap).

burnoutbabe

I mean its fine for people to marry abroad, but then don't invite other people, as its clear then some will feel bad about not going/not being able to afford it as its like saying "I don't value you enough to spend a fortune on your wedding".

marisco_2

A friend of mine decided to marry abroad. Her family, myself and other friends were all invited. Many people could not afford to go. I was gutted to be honest, we have known each other since our early school days, so the thought of missing such a special day in her life upset me.

I could have afforded to go but it would have meant compromising too many other areas of my life to justify it. Many of the invited guests felt the same way and declined the invitation to attend the wedding.

A good few of us had worried about what the reaction would be from the bride and groom. They were fine with it though and accepted that their choice of location for their wedding would impact on who would be able to attend.

A few weeks after they returned from honeymoon they had a blessing in a church over here and held a recpetion for all the guests. It was a really lovely occasion. In the room where the evening recpetion was held they had a huge screen up and photos taken of the official wedding day were projected onto it. So we all got to see how their day had played out.

duchy

Some people get married abroad as a polite way of excluding family -who they are expected to invite but don't really want there ...or to stop family taking over ....or just because they want to.

Other people when they are invited just say No and graciously decline the chance to spend their money and precious holiday time somewhere not of their choosing.