Cannot afford child maintenance - Please help

nickdj

Good afternoon,

I am wondering if anyone can offer me any good advice.

I've been separated from my ex wife for nearly two years. Originally the arrangement was that I had my two girls every weekend (Friday to Monday), then it was changed to 3 in 4 weekends about a year ago. This has been fine and I love spending time with my children. Money is tight (as in turning off heating and electric during the week tight!) and I've had budget food to a bare minimum. Unfortunately the girls don't get lavish meals but I scrape by as I'm sure any parent would.

Today she has demanded that I only have them every other weekend . The reason for this being that she now works whilst they are at school and says she doesn't get "quality time". She also knows she'll get more maintenance. It has however left me in a situation where I'm going to be living in almost poverish conditions if the maintenance payments increase.

Unfortunately the ex is not an amicable person and I don't know what to do. I know the increase is only £40 per month, however, I budget £10-£15 a week to feed myself.
Can anyone offer any advice on how I get myself out of this rut?

Thanks in advance.

Nick

ttc39

Hi nick, I didn't want to read n run but I have no experience of this at all.

I'm sure someone will come and post shortly with some good advice

pink_princess

Can you use less petrol maybe?

Maybe put an soa up on the dfw board for advice on how to reduce your other costs by £40 a month.

Also visit the up your income board.

Good luck op, there will be a way.

sweaty_betty

I think your problem will be that every other weekend will be considered reasonable - access is supposed to be about the child(ren)'s right to see a parent rather than vice versa, so a 50:50 weekend split is fairly usual.

Have you considered proposing that you have them 1-2 times during the week in "exchange" for less time at weekends? That might help and isn't an unusual request/arrangement under the circumstances.

The only other thing I can think of is for you to make sure you're paying the right amount - I believe that child maintenance is 15% of your income for one child, or 20% for two, but I'm sure someone will be along to correct me if this isn't correct

Taadaa

Is there a contact order in place? As your children are used to a certain arrangement for some time you can argue to maintain the status quo.

nickdj

Thank you everyone for your help.

I've looked at my finances hundreds of times trying to work out how to save that little bit extra. I moved closer to work but it still costs me about £20 a week for fuel and it's too far to cycle. I even drive like an old woman trying to save fuel (laughs) and I don't go anywhere unless I have to.

I agree that 50:50 is fair in regards to the weekends and although having an extra weekend off seems nice at first the girls have already voiced that they would miss me. I still work full time so having them during the week probably isn't going to make much difference.

There isn't any contact order in place but they are used to seeing their dad every weekend. This will obviously make a big difference to them. I've also got the divorce going through and I doubt I will be able to pay for my share of the proceedings.

If the ex would agree to the payments remaining the same I would be a little happier but the suggestion would cause an argument.

Anyone got any good ideas how I should approach this or what I could do on this extra weekend off to make £40? (laughs) I doubt the CSA are going to be of any use with or without a full breakdown of my expenses. I also have a debt I pay about £40 a month (interest) for but I'm only paying the interest not clearing the balance. I've had them for several years.

Thanks again for listening to my sob story :-)

conradmum

nickdj wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your help.

I've looked at my finances hundreds of times trying to work out how to save that little bit extra. I moved closer to work but it still costs me about £20 a week for fuel and it's too far to cycle. I even drive like an old woman trying to save fuel (laughs) and I don't go anywhere unless I have to.

I agree that 50:50 is fair in regards to the weekends and although having an extra weekend off seems nice at first the girls have already voiced that they would miss me. I still work full time so having them during the week probably isn't going to make much difference.

There isn't any contact order in place but they are used to seeing their dad every weekend. This will obviously make a big difference to them. I've also got the divorce going through and I doubt I will be able to pay for my share of the proceedings.

If the ex would agree to the payments remaining the same I would be a little happier but the suggestion would cause an argument.

Anyone got any good ideas how I should approach this or what I could do on this extra weekend off to make £40? (laughs) I doubt the CSA are going to be of any use with or without a full breakdown of my expenses. I also have a debt I pay about £40 a month (interest) for but I'm only paying the interest not clearing the balance. I've had them for several years.

Thanks again for listening to my sob story :-)

Try posting a Statement of Accounts on the Debtfreewannabe board. Lots of people there have experience of budgeting and might also be able to throw some light on the child maintenance issue too.

mgdavid

it is unreasonable of you to consider just giving in to her 'demands'. She already has them 280 days a year to your 85, and you must not let yourself be browbeaten into going along with different arrangements because something has changed in her life. She needs to learn to negotiate and compromise with you. How old are the children BTW? All arrangements are supposed to be in the best interests of the children, not one parent or another. If the children are old enough to express a rational view then this must be taken into account. Are you definitely using the CSA calculation for maintenance? 20% for 2 children, with a reduction for the number of nights in your care.
Edit, just re-read - how is she losing quality time with them by working "when they are at school"?

FBaby

So in essence, you will have to pay £20 per weekend you now have them. That's 4 meals + breakfast, going out, a washing round for their clothes. It might not come to exactly £20 per week-end, but you should be able to make savings, especially from your food shopping from the fact you won't them during these weekends, maybe £15 saved? That makes a difference of £10 a month. Surely you can cut down by that much?

Carl31

On the csa website is a calculator that allows you to enter your details and find out how much they would expect from you if they were involved. Use that to find out how much you should pay

marisco_2

nickdj wrote: »

I also have a debt I pay about £40 a month (interest) for but I'm only paying the interest not clearing the balance. I've had them for several years.

Is there any way you could transfer this debt onto a 0% credit card deal. There are some great options out there at the moment. I had to clear some debt that had built up due to house and car maintenance. Barclaycard are doing a deal that gives you 25 months at 0% for balance transfers and 0% for 6 months on purchases. At least then any payment made would be going toward clearing the debt and could be lower than £40

I dont know your financial circumstances but have you looked into any benefits you may be entitled to?

Have you got things like utilities set up on a regular direct debit payment system. This can enable you to get good deals and be eligible for certain discounts. Having duel fuel with the same company often works out cheaper.

How regularly do you compare prices on what you are paying for your phone, TV, broadband, insurances etc? Are things like your pc, TV etc left on standby? You can save alot by being a bit OCD and turning things off when you are not using them. I have to live to a sensible budget and at first it seemed OTT to be so careful but it does make a huge difference to my bills, win win.