how to meet someone new?? In my 30s and starting afresh!!

meds12_2

Need advice from all the second timers out there!!!

I am single, and 33, and work full-time, management in secondary school - takes up most my time and then my 2 children take up the rest!

I really don't want to be alone forever, I've been on a couple of dates arranged through friends but am just not interested - too boring and too young...I am the type of person who takes aaaaagggesssss to like someone - don't go for classically good-looking, but over many months I can grow to love someone for their idiosyncracies! All my friends are female, and my hobby is going to the gym (don't talk to people there). People at work are a no-go as I do like to follow the maxim of never dipping your nib in the office ink! I have heard awful things about dating websites so really I am asking how did you meet your current partner!

Person_one

I wouldn't dismiss dating websites. They're all different, and the key is usually to find the one that best reflects you and what you want. Maybe Guardian Soulmates would be a good one for you?

If your hobby is exercise, what about finding a more social way to do it? A running club, a sports team etc.

pawsies

Just because you had *heard* awful things about dating websites it doesn't make them bad!

Your other options have been eliminated so unless you decide to approach people on the street or join more groups I don't think you will realistically find someone to your liking soon.

Maybe you should go to a wedding and see if the bride can find someone for you

Tupperware_Queen

well, after I was left by my husband it took some time before I even considered myself ready to move on.

As it happened, I was just enjoying being single for the first time ever as a grown up (I met my ex when I was 16) and I had no intention of looking for love. At that time I had drastically reduced my facebook friend circle to a very limited number, one day I just happened upon a funny comment made in response to a friends post, and made a funny reply.
A few days later I saw the same friend of a friend making another comment, and again, replied...after a little while he asked to be fb friends, and that is where the story began. We met a few months later, and have been together ever since :smileyhea

I know that doesn't really answer your question, but I suppose the moral of my particular tale is don't go looking for it - just be yourself, enjoy doing what you do, and then you will meet someone who has similar interests and so you will have genuine things in common

meds12_2

Hey thanks for your advice and well done on your fb relationship - I am rarely on there, and tbh I never really post statuses as I assume that people will not be interested in the rubbish that I would write! So I don't post any! I think my problem is, that I am not interested in one night stands (I, like most the female of the species, do not have any trouble when out on this!) but I'd like to meet people who fit quite a narrow criteria I guess!
1. Older than me
2. have kids already and are separated/divorced
3. solvent/ish
4. laid back / funny
5. Not petty!!!

fluffnutter

I think you should try dating websites, but go for one that's themed around stuff you feel comfortable with. What paper do you read? Most of them have a dating section and at least you'll have something in common: if all else fails you can discuss the previous day's letters page.

Tupperware_Queen

Ah, in that case you have an easy job, have a look at what local attractions there are, children's farm, zoo, outdoor adventure park etc etc, camp out in the cafe of said attraction on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, and wait to spot an attractive, older gentleman out for his access day with his kids

I'm not being flippant, really this is where you will find these guys, trust me. I know, because I am in the unusual position for mums of only having access at weekends, and so when I take my kids out I see loads of them :rotfl: they are usually struggling with controlling excitable kids having fed them a load of sugar and fizzy pop that their mums never allow them to have :eek:

fluffnutter

meds12 wrote: »

Hey thanks for your advice and well done on your fb relationship - I am rarely on there, and tbh I never really post statuses as I assume that people will not be interested in the rubbish that I would write! So I don't post any! I think my problem is, that I am not interested in one night stands (I, like most the female of the species, do not have any trouble when out on this!) but I'd like to meet people who fit quite a narrow criteria I guess!
1. Older than me
2. have kids already and are separated/divorced
3. solvent/ish
4. laid back / funny
5. Not petty!!!

I don't think your criteria are too narrow. Basically you're after someone who's not an arse and who can appreciate the challenges of dating when you already have kids. I wouldn't worry about the age thing though. Would you turn him down if he were born on the same day as you? Sorry! You're not older than me! Next!

meds12_2

Tupperware_Queen wrote: »

Ah, in that case you have an easy job, have a look at what local attractions there are, children's farm, zoo, outdoor adventure park etc etc, camp out in the cafe of said attraction on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, and wait to spot an attractive, older gentleman out for his access day with his kids

I'm not being flippant, really this is where you will find these guys, trust me. I know, because I am in the unusual position for mums of only having access at weekends, and so when I take my kids out I see loads of them :rotfl: they are usually struggling with controlling excitable kids having fed them a load of sugar and fizzy pop that their mums never allow them to have :eek:

LOL this is brilliant advice!!! I was at Hatton Farm recently and there were definite weekend Dad's there!! I even offered one my umbrella (our wonderful British rain lol!)

meds12_2

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't think your criteria are too narrow. Basically you're after someone who's not an arse and who can appreciate the challenges of dating when you already have kids. I wouldn't worry about the age thing though. Would you turn him down if he were born on the same day as you? Sorry! You're not older than me! Next!

not if he looked more weathered than me!!! Seriously if he were a little younger and pretty worldly and mature I'd accept that. My last date was 2 years younger than me, had retired at 30, had a helicopter etc, but on the absolute downside he was pretty petty! So it had to be a no

Tupperware_Queen

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't think your criteria are too narrow. Basically you're after someone who's not an arse and who can appreciate the challenges of dating when you already have kids. I wouldn't worry about the age thing though. Would you turn him down if he were born on the same day as you? Sorry! You're not older than me! Next!

that's a good point FN, my new man is 3 years younger than me...does that make me a cougar?? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: