So overwhelmed, please help.

marisco_2

mboro wrote: »

His dad posted on face book yesterday and I quote "I miss my best friend, I can't sleep and the dog is depressed" my son read this and said that his dad only had himself to blame....he needs to change his ways before he will speak to him.

My sons father then tried to call him yesterday but my son didn't pick up....he says he is not ready to speak to him. He says he is waiting for the penny to drop with his dad.

My son and I had a long chat about what my he wants for the future, and its all going in the right direction. He has a good head on his young shoulders.

I am glad to hear that things are going well now your son has moved back in with you. It comes across that he is wise beyond his years, probably much to do with you being a stable and positive influence in his life OP. He has undoubtedly coped with issues that a young man should not be exposed to, or be left to deal with whilst living with his dad.

I hope that his dad will in time, quite possibly alot of the time going by how you describe him, see the error of his ways. Then he can start to rebuild his relationship with your son and be the dad to him that he deserves to have.

With regards to the benefits claims, it is up to your ex to cancel any that he is no longer entitled to, due to your son living with you now. You could give him a gentle reminder but I doubt he will take much notice. He is an adult so leave him to sort himself out. Focus all your attention on starting this new phase of life with your son and meeting his and your own needs

mboro

Thank you Marisco for your kind words. It's great having my son back, I do feel for him with regards to his relatioship with his dad, but like you say his dad should have been the adult, not the other way around.

My son is in a much better place, with the love, care and support he needs.

marisco_2

mboro my cousins had similar experiences when they were growing up. Maybe this says alot about their strength of character but like your son they saw the situation for what it was. They were wise enough to get out of it and not feel responsibility for others actions.

I am proud of the lives they have since gone on to make for themselves. There is a worry that young people, who are living in environments that are negative, will go on to repeat what they live. Vicious circles that never get addressed if you like. A good few though have the common sense and resiliience to go on and lead positive lives.

I greatly admire people who can do that and the stable family members who are around for them when they need them.

daska

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I'd go ahead and put in your claim for child benefit, as soon as that's received they will stop your ex's claim. You could tell him you're going to do that, if he cancels the claim before yours goes in it may be resolved faster, but if it's only going to cause aggro for your son then just go for it.

Unfortunately the CB claim won't stop as soon as a new application is made, they will contact him first to confirm where the child is living and give him the option of choosing whether he wants to continue to receive it for a few weeks! It actually took me several attempts to cancel the CB when DS2 moved to live with his dad!

Best of luck OP, hope all continues to go well.

mboro

I have another update.......

My son has just finished a phone call to his dad, telling him that he has made his mind up and that he is staying with me.......his dad then tried the whole sweet talk thing promising he has changed and he got the kick up the back side that was needed and that he promises to be a better dad.

My son said that he has heard this all before and that he has made his mind up and is staying with me for good:T:j

In a way I feel for his dad, but when I think of what he has put my son through, it turns to anger and I want that man to suffer.

In time I am sure they will patch things up, after all his dad will always be his dad........ but not now, his dad is way to angry for that.

I am very proud of what my son has done, it takes alot to stand up to his dad, I have been there and done that and it's not pretty. I am just glad that my son was only at the end of the phone.

Savvy_Sue

daska wrote: »

Unfortunately the CB claim won't stop as soon as a new application is made, they will contact him first to confirm where the child is living and give him the option of choosing whether he wants to continue to receive it for a few weeks! It actually took me several attempts to cancel the CB when DS2 moved to live with his dad!

Whoops, sorry for the misinformation then. I suppose that makes sense, if they just stopped the claim (as I thought) before checking with the now-non-resident parent, you could make a lot of mischief for a previous partner, if you were so minded ...

mboro

Another update.

My son had a face to face talk yesterday with his dad and his dad has accepted but does not like the fact that our son is moving in with me on a permanent basis.

I am the happiest Mum on the planet, it's great having my son move back in with me. He has been through alot of mental pain via his dad. My son has decided to continue meeting with his consellor on a weekly basis and I fully support him in with this.

It has been an emotional 2/3 weeks, I have been worried out of my mind for my son, but my son has shown great courage in standing up to his Dad, something I could never do when I was with him many years ago.

I have applied for the Benefits suggested, and have been told they can be backdated from the 2nd April. So thats good news, we will be better off by around £70.

My son's college tutor has been a great help to him, sorting out any extra funding for transport costs etc. I have a meeting with her on Thursday to keep her in the loop.


So now I just sit back and enjoy having my son around. Thanks for all the support and info you have given me.

marisco_2

You have a son to be proud of there mboro. I wish you all the best.