So overwhelmed, please help.

mboro

Just a weekly update folks.
My son is still with me

His dad posted on face book yesterday and I quote "I miss my best friend, I can't sleep and the dog is depressed" my son read this and said that his dad only had himself to blame....he needs to change his ways before he will speak to him.
My sons father then tried to call him yesterday but my son didn't pick up....he says he is not ready to speak to him. He says he is waiting for the penny to drop with his dad. Judging by the pictures on facebook he is still out drinking and making a prat of himself. My son does not want anything to do with him just yet, he doesnt want to be with his dad but sooner or later he does want contact, but when he feels ready and not before.

I will not stop contact, regardless of how many times his dad stopped my son from seeing me....... BUT I will not have his dad trying to blackmail/sweet talk his son going back to live with him. It's very hard to see my son go through this, but his dad was not doing him any good and my son is more than aware of this.

My son and I had a long chat about what my he wants for the future, and its all going in the right direction. He has a good head on his young shoulders. I have to go with my heart and trust that what my son says is what he intends to do. I am over the moon to be able to have my son with me once more and that I can give him a better life than the one he was living.

I stopped the DD for csa going to his dad, and rang the csa to let them know that my son had moved back with me.....the csa called me today saying they have tried to contact his dad but can't get a reply, they are sending a letter out asap.

If they can't get contact with him, then I have to give proof that my son is back with me and that proof will be a child benefit letter. I will get on to that on Monday.

So looks like I have a busy week of from filling ahead, and will do most of it online.

I still feel that there is something I am not doing....
here is what I have done and will be doing so far, please add anything I may have missd.

I have registered my son with my DR's and Dentist, I will be applying for Child Benefit this week, My Dad will be contacting the council asking for a house swap or what ever they do these days. We will be speaking to his college tutor once he goes back to inform her of the situation.

Also do you think I should inform his dad via text that he needs to cancel any benefits he may be claiming for his son? Or shall I just go ahead and claim what I should??

I have also decided to ask the CSA to get payment from his dad, now I don't believe his dad works and I think he is living of his wifes earnings and claiming what ever benefits he can. Will the CSA still pursue payment?

Thankyou for your advice.x

whitewing

The college will have a counselling service - may be worth your son having a chat with them to help sort his thoughts out with someone neutral.

Please don't worry about whether your son will go back to his dad when you are planning on changing your life. Make these steps with a glad heart anyway.

mboro

Thank you Whitewing, I will see what my son thinks about having a chat with someone.

And yes I feel much happier about making these plans now.

Savvy_Sue

I'd go ahead and put in your claim for child benefit, as soon as that's received they will stop your ex's claim. You could tell him you're going to do that, if he cancels the claim before yours goes in it may be resolved faster, but if it's only going to cause aggro for your son then just go for it.

Molly41

Have you also checked your eligibility for Child Tax Credit as well as Child Benefit? You can claim this alongside Child Benefit.

Good Luck for the future x

mboro

Hi all, thanks for the input.

My son told me last night that he has been talking to the college counsellor for the past 6 months. I am devestated and furious that his Dad has put him in this position.

I am so relieved that my Son has woken up and decided to move back with me and my Dad after 7/8 years of "being there" for his Dad.
It's time for me to be there for my son, tbh I always was but my son seemed to think he had to look after his Dad.

mboro

Oh exciting times and another update.

This morning I have been a busy bee......contacted

http://www.turn2us.org.uk/informatio...e_a_claim.aspx

had a nice chat to them about the situation. They gave me phone numbers of who to claim from.

So I have phoned the CB office and applications are being sent out to me.

I am going to wait before I claim any Tax Credits, they left me with much debt that I have paid off to them when my son was younger...once bitten twice shy and all that. It was because I got paid weekly and my wages were never the same from week to week.

I will update you shortly thanks for all the advice from everyone....you peeps are a real help.x

Maysie

mboro on tax credit forms we always overestimate what my husband will earn that way they are unlikely to overpay us. Means when they check what he earn't and ask for this years projected we often get a few hundred as we have been underpaid in the previous tax year.

Savvy_Sue

mb, I'm glad your son has been getting some help and support, that feeling of needing to 'be there' for someone with addictions is not uncommon, but the reality is that the addict needs to face their problems, and until they do that no amount of support will help.

Your son might find Al-Ateen helpful.

mboro

Yeah, I did wonder if I should over estimate my earnings, it would seem the smart thing to do here too, thanks.

Its just going to worse for his dad, admiting his got a problem or not....he relyed on claiming for my son as an income....he has no job and wont get one, and has no qualifications. His wife is the main earner...poor thing. Very glad it's her and not me that married him.