Worried about girlfriend

DKLS

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

The good news is that she's ok. She has turned her phone off as she's angry at me apparently. At least she's alright though.

- G

I can smell the pan of bunnies from here :eek:, take some advice from someone who has been there, RUN for the hills, and do not get involved in her batshit mental mind games.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

The good news is that she's ok. She has turned her phone off as she's angry at me apparently. At least she's alright though.

- G

Right. So now leave her alone. If she wants to communicate with you, she will. You've forced her to get in touch when she didn't want to. That won't be helping things. Put the phone and computer down and do not contact her or anyone else about her again.

piglet74

Do you feel your "online" row has justified her response at all?

If not, then I agree with DKLS, (there's an element of it on both sides tho)

Person_one

I think the response to the OP has been a bit harsh, to be honest.

When you live a flight away, it is a bit thoughtless to just go 'off the grid' completely without warning when you know it will cause someone to worry about you. How hard is it to text 'I don't want to talk to you for a while so I'm turning my phone off, I'll be back in touch when I'm good and ready'?

Tupperware_Queen

Glad to hear she is ok. Hopefully you can resolve your misunderstanding, take care OP

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

I think the response to the OP has been a bit harsh, to be honest.

When you live a flight away, it is a bit thoughtless to just go 'off the grid' completely without warning when you know it will cause someone to worry about you. How hard is it to text 'I don't want to talk to you for a while so I'm turning my phone off, I'll be back in touch when I'm good and ready'?

Because sometimes what would come out is 'get the **** out of my face and leave me alone, I've got other things to think about other than you' plus a whole lot more.

It's the principle of not saying anything if you can't say anything nice.

And, to be honest 'I'm very cross with you' sounds a bit like 'I'm going into the garden to eat some worms'. It will also inevitably spark off a flurry of messages wanting to know why and how and just spiral into pretty much hurling the phobe across the room in frustration when they could just want to not be hassled every hour.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Because sometimes what would come out is 'get the **** out of my face and leave me alone, I've got other things to think about other than you' plus a whole lot more.

It's the principle of not saying anything if you can't say anything nice.

And, to be honest 'I'm very cross with you' sounds a bit like 'I'm going into the garden to eat some worms'. It will also inevitably spark off a flurry of messages wanting to know why and how and just spiral into pretty much hurling the phobe across the room in frustration when they could just want to not be hassled every hour.

Why? If I said I was going to turn my phone off I would then turn my phone off, meaning no hassle!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

Why? If I said I was going to turn my phone off I would then turn my phone off, meaning no hassle!

Experience tells me that there would be huge quantities if texts sent on the offchance it was switched on, voicemails, fb messages, emails, messages to friends/relatives trying to get them onside and involved, landline calls, more messages, etc.

And what if you still want to have messages and calls from friends and family? Having to switch off means you aren't allowed to carry on with the rest of life.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Experience tells me that there would be huge quantities if texts sent on the offchance it was switched on, voicemails, fb messages, emails, messages to friends/relatives trying to get them onside and involved, landline calls, more messages, etc.

And what if you still want to have messages and calls from friends and family? Having to switch off means you aren't allowed to carry on with the rest of life.

Well then personally I'd just dump that particular boyfriend!

I still think its a bit thoughtless to just drop off the face of the earth when the person who will worry is across a sea and helpless.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

Well then personally I'd just dump that particular boyfriend!

Which is how someone sending constant messages, contacting others, thinking about, for example, driving down and breaking into the house, etc, etc, creates their own feared outcome.

Far easier if the other person just doesn't send the great bundle of messages in the first place - they aren't as likely to get dumped as a result.