Worried about girlfriend

daisiegg

Is this an online relationship?

TeamLowe

Personally unless she lived alone in the middle of nowhere I'd take comfort in the fact that you're the only one worried and you've not had her next of kin saying they don't know where she is. So they must know where she is, ergo she's fine x

OptimusNemesis

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Oh Lord, I really hate it when I don't want to talk to someone and they pull the 'OH MY GOD I WAS SO WORRIED I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU'RE SAFE SO I STALKED YOU' thing.

In case you were thinking of doing it, just on my experience here, anything over three messages on the phone (being as charitable as possible here) is too much. TBH, more than one is annoying enough.

As is any email, call to relatives, visit to the house or anything other than just leaving me the hell alone whilst I get over it.




And if you tried calling the police, well - there's annoyed and then there's absolutely freaking furious.



Seriously, when I'm annoyed with somebody, I do not want them to harass me constantly, it just makes me even less likely to want to deal with them nicely - I have made the angry call after thirty messages in four hours 'What's the emergency then?' and got a lame 'well, I was worried because you didn't answer me'. And I have also answered the 'where are you? where are you? where are you? where are you?' stream of calls with 'I'm dead in a ditch'.

Well, when I was ill a while back I texted her and then fell asleep. I then woke up to 4 voicemails and a series of texts that she'd sent saying she was really worried about me. I also had an accident at work late last year and she phoned me several times then because she was worried about me. I never thought of it as stalkerish or annoying, I thought it was nice that she cared about me.

ognum wrote: »

I agree that if this is unusual behaviour I would be worried too.

If you have her address and can you google to find someone who lives nearby or as someone else suggests I think you could call the NI police and ask that they check.

This of course may be over the top, and it may be that she needs some space, has lost her phone or is just teaching you a lesson.

Try to find someone who will check on her somehow!

I've sent messages to her sister and brothers but not heard anything back yet. Calling the Police would be an absolute last resort as I would imagine at least one of them would be able to tell me something. I'm hoping the fact they haven't replied yet means they're all out somewhere, in which case she's ok.

daisiegg wrote: »

Is this an online relationship?

No - we see eachother quite often. We recently talked about the possibility of me moving there.

- G

thehappybutterfly

I'm in agreement with Jojo here. I've got my share of depressed friends and relatives (indeed I'm one of them) and I think you're over-reacting here. As long as you've told her that you're worried about her and would like her to let you know she's alright, the ball's firmly in her court and there's nothing else for you to do. Leave her be - for the love of god, stop texting, messaging and phoning her and definitely do not contact the neighbours, friends or police. Unless of course you want to be thought of as suffocating. And a little bit weird.

Tropez

Are you both quite young?

Anyway, leave her be. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. She's in mourning and constant messages, panicking and messaging all and sundry on Facebook and everything else may seem like the actions of the considerate boyfriend to you, but may well to her seem like the actions of a pest.

A lot of your threads about your relationship with this woman come across as the type of drama one expects from a teenage relationship. Your actions portray a rather deep insecurity and the fact that you panic over a day without contact is quite strange. You also really need to work on your communication skills if she got the impression that you were dumping her if you hadn't even said that.

You say that it is unusual for her to not be in contact but I recall from your previous threads at times when she was stressed in the past she stopped contact with you for several days, leaving you to at one point consider splitting up with her for someone else. Quite clearly, this is not abnormal behaviour on her part but in fact very consistent with her previous behaviour at times when she has been upset in the past.

meritaten

There is a difference between grief and depression. OP said she was down because of grief.
It isn't just OP who hasn't heard from her - apparently she hasn't posted on effbook either.
if her friends haven't heard from her for 24 hours either - then he could ask the police to ascertain that she is ok. if friends or neighbours cant help. so what if she is ok and the cops knock at the door?
and if she has 'done something stupid'? - wouldn't it be better to risk annoying someone than finding them dead?

Tupperware_Queen

Tropez wrote: »

Your actions portray a rather deep insecurity and the fact that you panic over a day without contact is quite strange.

To be fair to the OP, it depends on their usual pattern of contact.

My partner lives 150 miles away, we are in contact numerous times throughout each and every day, a combination of phone, text and FB. We both work shifts, which mean we are out and about at various hours of the day and night, we always let each other know when we are leaving work and when we arrive home. When we are at work contact is less, but unless really busy is still several times during the working day.

OP, if you have left messages etc and you know she will get them, then try to keep calm and wait for her to respond. Grief affects people in different ways, and she probably just needs some space to get her head straight. I'm sure you will hear from her in good time, bear in mind that she knows she is safe, and that you are at the end of the phone when she needs you, and probably has not the faintest idea that you are getting yourself so worked up.

OptimusNemesis

Tropez wrote: »

Are you both quite young?

Anyway, leave her be. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. She's in mourning and constant messages, panicking and messaging all and sundry on Facebook and everything else may seem like the actions of the considerate boyfriend to you, but may well to her seem like the actions of a pest.

A lot of your threads about your relationship with this woman come across as the type of drama one expects from a teenage relationship. Your actions portray a rather deep insecurity and the fact that you panic over a day without contact is quite strange. You also really need to work on your communication skills if she got the impression that you were dumping her if you hadn't even said that.

I'm not panicking over a day without contact - I'm worried because of the circumstances. No offence but you don't know her and you don't know her history. We sorted out a lot of things with regards to our relationship - yes I was silly about some stuff but so was she and it turned out we are very similar; once we talked things over we sorted it out.

As for communication - the problem was that she was already very depressed and mistook something I wanted to talk to her about as me dumping her. She wasn't in a very good state of mind. I hope that it is something like she just doesn't want to speak. Mind you if it has been done to 'punish' me, I may want to rethink the relationship but I'll see what's what before I think any further on those lines.

- G

Tropez

Tupperware_Queen wrote: »

To be fair to the OP, it depends on their usual pattern of contact.

My partner lives 150 miles away, we are in contact numerous times throughout each and every day, a combination of phone, text and FB. We both work shifts, which mean we are out and about at various hours of the day and night, we always let each other know when we are leaving work and when we arrive home. When we are at work contact is less, but unless really busy is still several times during the working day.

Of course, but I don't see this as anything abnormal based on the OP's previous posts.

My partner has been in New Zealand for a year. We have, for the most part, kept to speaking to each other twice a day through Skype.

On one occasion, my partner was not on Skype for two consecutive days. She also didn't send me any text messages, emails or try and contact me on a phone. It was unusual but I left her a message on the second day with the usual "guess you're busy, missing you, let me know when we can talk again" stuff and eventually got a reply apologising for being "crap" as she put it but she'd had a rough few days and didn't want to talk.

But in the OPs case, and as I say, based on his previous threads, any time his girlfriend isn't in contact for a bit he panics. He panicked when she was busy sorting out her move, panicked when she was down about something before, considered finishing the relationship to date someone else because she hadn't been in touch for a few days. Regardless of their conversation patterns, there is a pattern of the OP wildly overreacting whenever his girlfriend goes quiet for a bit.

It is very possible right now if she is grieving she doesn't want to talk to anyone. After I watched my father die I didn't speak to anyone for a week because I didn't want to and although it would be the caring thing to do, no doubt, a bunch of concerned messages from anyone would have not gone down well. Humans have a habit of wrapping themselves up in themselves after the death of a loved one as grief is quite often a very personal, internal thing.

OptimusNemesis

Tupperware_Queen wrote: »

To be fair to the OP, it depends on their usual pattern of contact.

My partner lives 150 miles away, we are in contact numerous times throughout each and every day, a combination of phone, text and FB. We both work shifts, which mean we are out and about at various hours of the day and night, we always let each other know when we are leaving work and when we arrive home. When we are at work contact is less, but unless really busy is still several times during the working day.

OP, if you have left messages etc and you know she will get them, then try to keep calm and wait for her to respond. Grief affects people in different ways, and she probably just needs some space to get her head straight. I'm sure you will hear from her in good time, bear in mind that she knows she is safe, and that you are at the end of the phone when she needs you, and probably has not the faintest idea that you are getting yourself so worked up.

Yes, that's similar to us. We usually text multiple times all day (it's not uncommon for us to flatten the batteries on our phones by mid afternoon). I backed off from texting her when her gran died to give her space as I know what it's like from losing my Dad just 4 years ago, so we were just texting maybe a handful of times a day.

It is highly unusual for her to just turn her phone off. If I've annoyed her, she usually says so but she chats to other friends and regularly posts on Facebook. I hope that it is a case of she just wants space and that I will hear from her tomorrow or soon.

The only messages I left her were this morning when I told her she'd got things wrong and that I didn't want to break up or anything. I've left a couple to ask her to let me know she's ok and that's it. I don't feel like I've hammered her with messages and I've certainly done no more than she did for me when I had an accident and when I was ill.

The only additional thing I have done is I ordered some flowers earlier to be sent to her to apologise for being a numpty and upsetting her, not because I'm worried about her but because I messed up.

- G