leaving children on their own?

Dunroamin

poet123 wrote: »

You misunderstand me.

I certainly don't say that previous generations were totally wrong. They lived in a different world. They didn't have the choices we have, they didn't have the safety net, and so children were, by necessity, left alone, had to look after siblings, and grow up very fast. That imperative is not there today except in very exceptional circumstances, there is a safety net and we have real choices. Those on this thread have made that choice and have done so not from neceesity but because they choose to do so.

I share your concern about many things to do with the youth of today, but leaving nine year olds home alone will not solve any of them imo.

I think that "home alone" is a very emotive phrase, conjuring up visions of children being left for long periods (even overnight) while their parents go out and enjoy themselves. I don't think that this is really the same situation as children being left for an hour or so, in daylight, while the parent works, or even longer in exceptional circumstances.

Personally, I think that children and teenagers grow up far faster today than they used to and face far greater dangers because of this than they do being left "home alone" in a structured situation.

zagfles

poet123 wrote: »

Perhaps you can tell me why I would play the "my children are more mature than yours" game when mine are grown up?;)

Have we changed games now?

You, on the other hand clearly illustrated your point with a dig at someone via her daughter to suit your agenda.

Ooh, moral judgement now...OK...

Person One and I rarely see eye to eye, but I don't doubt her intent was slightly different from the one you conferred onto her; rather than learning, insert "gloating" which was what you were doing.

Yes, I couldn't find the emotion for gloating. You're really good at this, aren't you?

Not a nice trait, still, however you use your emoticons they are no substitute for words, and your words told your intent very clearly!!

Actually I think you are in fact that woman I was talking about - you're just as judgemental! How's your grandson?

poet123

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think that "home alone" is a very emotive phrase, conjuring up visions of children being left for long periods (even overnight) while their parents go out and enjoy themselves. I don't think that this is really the same situation as children being left for an hour or so, in daylight, while the parent works, or even longer in exceptional circumstances.

Personally, I think that children and teenagers grow up far faster today than they used to and face far greater dangers because of this than they do being left "home alone" in a structured situation.

I wouldn't disagree, but I don't think either is a really a necessity today and when it is actually a considered choice then personally I can't see the justification for it.

As the law stands though it is down to individual parents to make that choice, so it is their prerogative whether others agree with it or not.

poet123

zagfles wrote: »

Have we changed games now?
Ooh, moral judgement now...OK...Yes, I couldn't find the emotion for gloating. You're really good at this, aren't you? Actually I think you are in fact that woman I was talking about - you're just as judgemental! How's your grandson?

Do keep up, it is you who are changing tack not me. The moral judgement for your nastiness was implicit in my previous posts, did you miss it?

I don't have a Grandson, I am not that old! Nor do I have a daughter who became pregnant at 14, so sorry to disappoint.

marie-20

I know that I am late in joining this discussion but I wouldn't have left my 8 yo DD and just turned 10 yo DS home alone for 3 to 4 hours.

I would leave DS for an hour or so (may be upto 2 hours?) without concern - much longer than that I would need there to be an incident outside of my control and even then I would try and find an alternative.

I wouldn't leave them together as they argue all the time and DD is prone to being anxious.

I guess it completely depends on the children but I do think that generally 3 to 4 hours is too long for them to be left completely alone but each parent knows their own children the best and should be able to make their own judgement as, after all, they would have to live with the consequences.

I do think, though, that a lot of parents do wrap their kids up way too much and high school (or even college/uni) will be a huge shock to them! When I went to high school a lot of the kids were from well off backgrounds and the mums were SAHM's who used to drop them off/pick them up and basically do everything for them and when they went off to uni they had no idea how to do basic things like wash their clothes and a fair few went off the rails - unfortunately this was not the minority!

I, on the other hand, was left at home from age 10 or 11 after school til mum got home - I was able to cook a meal from age 8 and used to do the ironing (I actually used to enjoy it!) and managed perfectly fine when I moved out, age 16. In fact looking back I used to meet my friends in town at aged 10 on a Saturday and went shopping or to pics etc.

BTW I am only 28 now so not too many years ago.

So I guess what I am saying is that kids do need some amount of freedom and responsibility to enable them to grow to be confident in their own abilities when the time comes to move out so I am on the middle ground.

I don't overly agree with 3-4 hours but necessity is just that, a 'short' length of time is fine and is something that children should be built up to by starting out by just popping to the corner shop etc from age 9 ish depending upon the individual child - as most childcare ends at the end of junior school when they do go to high school, unless you are lucky enough to be able to change your job or afford to, they are going to be left home alone on a daily basis which will be quite a shock on top of starting at a new school.

zagfles

poet123 wrote: »

Do keep up, it is you who are changing tack not me. The moral judgement for your nastiness was implicit in my previous posts, did you miss it?

I hang my head in shame. Oh, how can I live with myself after your scathing moral judgement? I will edit that post immediately.....Hang on, I got 3 thanks for that post so that makes it 4-2! Ha! Victory is mine! Where's that gloat emotion?

I don't have a Grandson, I am not that old! Nor do I have a daughter who became pregnant at 14, so sorry to disappoint.

Are you real? You're a bot, you have to be!

poet123

zagfles wrote: »

I hang my head in shame. Oh, how can I live with myself after your scathing moral judgement? I will edit that post immediately.....Hang on, I got 3 thanks for that post so that makes it 4-2! Ha! Victory is mine! Where's that gloat emotion?
Are you real? You're a bot, you have to be!

I have no interest in whether you feel shame or not, or whether you can see that it was not a pleasant post, and only those who thanked it can say why.

What I would say is that if you need the thanks to validate your posts it is quite a sad state of affairs.

I am very real, and the knowledge that we disagree is of great comfort to me;)

FBaby

The award went to the one who stayed up the latest

PolishBigSpender

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Ever thought of sticking to a Polish forum? Every time you are on here you just 'have a go'. Why do you bother? Really, get over it. British are not as clever/witty/adept/add your choice as you are. Have a medal. Make yourself a laminated badge. :T:T:T

Honestly, why? It's so repetitive. *yawns.

Ever thought of actually sticking to the topic?

I asked my (Scottish) husband - he was perfectly allowed to stay home alone at this age, he was out whole day riding a bike or playing with his friends in the park at the age of 12. And it wasn't that long ago, he's only 28! Therefore I can see it is not normal even in the UK to have child minders for teenagers!

I was making comments relevant to the OP's questions. You can just answer with "go away, you're a foreigner". How wise!

Lunar_Eclipse

poet123 wrote: »

You really have got your knickers in a twist over this thread.

Much earlier in the thread I said we would have to agree to disagree, but you really don't seem to want to do that. Instead you seek to change minds and seem to want validation for your decision. Why is it that others should change their minds and your view remain the same? I disagree with leaving a child (any child) younger than around 12 home alone except in an emergency, that was my opinion at the outset and it remains so now.

I disagree. Ironically, it seems the basis of your individual decisions are exactly the same, but I suspect you have never encountered a very mature 12 year old. To me it reads like your assumptions and experiences of children at 12 are how FBaby's children were by 9.

FBaby - I am in a similar position to you with kids and their maturity so whilst I agree with you completely, I know many won't. I have a good friend who used to offer my daughter a 'tea or coffee' when she went round at 10 or 11, because she said she chatted to her like an adult, forgetting she was so young. Bizarrely she was only about a year older than her oldest at the time. I don't see it in my children and their closest friends when they're with us, but friends, neighbours, teachers etc all do.

As an aside, from my experience of secondary school so far, I actually think 12/13 isn't an ideal age to start leaving children alone, because some go through an incredibly immature, silly stage at this age. The Head of our local school said kids generally regress in Y8 or 9. My husband has only been shocked at kids party behaviour twice: firstly the boys at my daughter's 6th birthday party (who were rude to adults, used bad language and showed poor table manners) and secondly at DD1's 12th birthday party when he said the girls seemed incredibly immature (giggly, which seems to sum young teens up but is more expected from 4 year olds.)