leaving children on their own?

zagfles

Interesting thread on netmums, seems social services were quite happy with a 9 year old home alone here:

http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advice-support-40/single-parents-support-45/594798-letter-social-services.html

In fact I find it more worrying how leniently real neglect is treated, for instance parents going on holiday abroad leaving their young children alone!

FBaby

poet123 wrote: »

Nice save;) and the reason we do need clarification, because if anyone really would even consider that a possibility or if there could be those for whom "needs must" then imo it is imperative that we do have legal constraints in place.

Oh dear, you didn't get the irony did you! The point of the smile was to clarify that a 4 year old would never have the maturity to be left alone, therefore it was all theoretical. It never crossed my mind to leave my children alone at 4, even as a busy single mum in emergency situation. I really don't get this attachment you seem to have for a number!

It is getting annoying this fixation you have to want to pass me as a neglectful parent. What can't you accept that my children are more mature than yours?

My DD was left alone every single day from the age of 12 and 8 months from 7:15 in the morning. She got up on her own at 7:30 and left for school at 8:15. She texted me every morning to tell me she was on her way. Not ONCE in 18 months has she been late. She has 100% attendance. I told her tutor the first time I met with her, and her response was that it was very impressive how responsible she was, and she wished other pupils were more like her because so many still acted like 5 yo. And indeed, I would never have considered this arrangement if it didn't suit my daughter. She says she loves it once we go and she has the house for herself.

I wouldn't have any issue at all if SS were to come and talk to my kids. I am 100% confident that they would be satisfied that I had considered all circumstances. Once again, many people could have contacted them, neighbours, teachers, their own dad who I am separated from, childcare providers, club leaders... yet none have because they could see themselves that they were safe.

I have thick skin, so not bothered by your allegations, but it is still annoying to be considered a neglectful mum when my life is and always has been devoted to my children, but then you don't know us, which is fair enough, I'm sure if you met us, you would change your mind

emsywoo123

FBaby wrote: »

What can't you accept that my children are more mature than yours?

)

Let's hope they are because you're not really displaying any great maturity here! :rotfl:

FBaby I appreciate you are proud of your children by my God it's constant..... How amazing they are, how everyone thinks they are the best...... Et etc.

You're either deluded or in for a massive shock when they are older!

raq

my oldest is 13 in august and then 9 this month, I have NEVER left them on their own at this age.

My 6 year old is another story altogether

FBaby

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Let's hope they are because you're not really displaying any great maturity here! :rotfl:

FBaby I appreciate you are proud of your children by my God it's constant..... How amazing they are, how everyone thinks they are the best...... Et etc.

You're either deluded or in for a massive shock when they are older!

And such a patronising post isn't showing immaturity? I am proud of my kids indeed, shouldn't all parents? I would be proud of them regardless of their maturity level as long as they always tried their best. I certainly wouldn't feel any different if they were unable to stay on their own until a later age.

Do you have to be deluded to be proud of your children? Or should I just be quiet and pretend that I am not to please those who have issues with it? Or would you feel better if I also went on saying that my boy is showing some attitude with me at the moment (not at school thank god) and that I am sorting this out asap. Would you feel better if I said that he is rubbish at football and that my daughter messiness is driving me up the wall?

emsywoo123

FBaby wrote: »

And such a patronising post isn't showing immaturity? I am proud of my kids indeed, shouldn't all parents? I would be proud of them regardless of their maturity level as long as they always tried their best. I certainly wouldn't feel any different if they were unable to stay on their own until a later age.

Do you have to be deluded to be proud of your children? Or should I just be quiet and pretend that I am not to please those who have issues with it? Or would you feel better if I also went on saying that my boy is showing some attitude with me at the moment (not at school thank god) and that I am sorting this out asap. Would you feel better if I said that he is rubbish at football and that my daughter messiness is driving me up the wall?

Calm yourself.

Your posts smack of boasting that your children are perfect and IMHO make you sound deluded.

MrsE_2

FBaby wrote: »

By the way, suddenly remembered, I was reading a famous five book a few months back to my son, and it started with the mum giving the kids a pack lunch because they were going to spend the entire day exploring the surrounding without coming home until later in the evening.... All the things that could have happened, falling off rocks, getting eaten by a whale, a !!!!!phile lurking around waiting to jump on them. How dare Enyd Blyton suggesting such a dangerous thing, and being a role model at that

I used to love Enid Blyton books, but to be fair no children had their freedom. Didn't they go off camping together as young teens?

FBaby

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Calm yourself.

Your posts smack of boasting that your children are perfect and IMHO make you sound deluded.

My posts smack of the need to defend myself against assumptions about my kids and to show that my decisions are not irresponsible. I found myself having to justify that my boy wasn't forced to stay alone, that if he showed an interest for what was considered here adult concerns, he must be a worried and anxious kid, that he couldn't possibly at 9 be mature enough to act in an potential emergency....

So of course I counteracted by showing the positives about my kids and why the above is not accurate in their case.

Some posters are stubborn in their views, and no matter how much you try to justify why their stand might not apply to everyone, they stick to their position.

If you want to believe that I am deluded, that is your choice, I couldn't care less as it means nothing compared to what I hear from people who DO know my children well. I personally would never dare accuse someone I don't know of being deluded but that's another example of how differently people interpret and react to a situation.

poet123

FBaby wrote: »

Oh dear, you didn't get the irony did you! The point of the smile was to clarify that a 4 year old would never have the maturity to be left alone, therefore it was all theoretical. It never crossed my mind to leave my children alone at 4, even as a busy single mum in emergency situation. I really don't get this attachment you seem to have for a number!

So there is a number below which you would not leave a child? That is at odds with the theory you have been expounding on here and the charge of my fixation with an arbitrary number. My nomimal age for leaving a child alone would be around 12/13 in line with accepted RSPCC guidelines. Yours is much lower, as I said we will have to agree to disagree.

FBaby wrote: »

It is getting annoying this fixation you have to want to pass me as a neglectful parent. What can't you accept that my children are more mature than yours?

What a ridiculous comment. My children weren't left on the basis of maturity or otherwise but on the basis of my judgement that for me as a parent that was the optimum age. They may have been perfectly capable of being left, but I didn't have the need, or rather I structured my life and work so that it wouldn't be necessary. My eldest children are a Teacher and two Lawyers now, and the youngest is aiming for Medicine so thanks for your concern but their maturity has never really been an issue for me.

FBaby wrote: »

My DD was left alone every single day from the age of 12 and 8 months from 7:15 in the morning. She got up on her own at 7:30 and left for school at 8:15. She texted me every morning to tell me she was on her way. Not ONCE in 18 months has she been late. She has 100% attendance. I told her tutor the first time I met with her, and her response was that it was very impressive how responsible she was, and she wished other pupils were more like her because so many still acted like 5 yo. And indeed, I would never have considered this arrangement if it didn't suit my daughter. She says she loves it once we go and she has the house for herself.

That is an acceptable age to me, nine would not be.

I

FBaby wrote: »

wouldn't have any issue at all if SS were to come and talk to my kids. I am 100% confident that they would be satisfied that I had considered all circumstances. Once again, many people could have contacted them, neighbours, teachers, their own dad who I am separated from, childcare providers, club leaders... yet none have because they could see themselves that they were safe.

It only takes one incident to upset the applecart.

FBaby wrote: »

I have thick skin, so not bothered by your allegations, but it is still annoying to be considered a neglectful mum when my life is and always has been devoted to my children, but then you don't know us, which is fair enough, I'm sure if you met us, you would change your mind

I think the lady doth protest too much. I am making no allegations, they are merely comments. I quite clearly said we would have to agree to disagree. Your children, your call. I have my opinion, you have yours, thankfully, we are both entitled to parent as we see fit.

zagfles

FBaby wrote: »

My posts smack of the need to defend myself against assumptions about my kids and to show that my decisions are not irresponsible. I found myself having to justify that my boy wasn't forced to stay alone, that if he showed an interest for what was considered here adult concerns, he must be a worried and anxious kid, that he couldn't possibly at 9 be mature enough to act in an potential emergency....

So of course I counteracted by showing the positives about my kids and why the above is not accurate in their case.

Some posters are stubborn in their views, and no matter how much you try to justify why their stand might not apply to everyone, they stick to their position.

If you want to believe that I am deluded, that is your choice, I couldn't care less as it means nothing compared to what I hear from people who DO know my children well. I personally would never dare accuse someone I don't know of being deluded but that's another example of how differently people interpret and react to a situation.

I used to know a woman who always thought she knew what was best for other peoples' kids, was always sitting in judgement on what other parents did. We wouldn't have dared tell her we left our kids alone at 9, she'd have probably reported us to social services!

Guess what? Her daughter got pregnant at 14!!! :eek: