leaving children on their own?

zagfles

poet123 wrote: »

It doesn't have to be an either or situation.

Of course it doesn't have to be, but in general kids, or even adults, who are obesesed with the superficial are generally rubbish with the practical, and vv.

Nearly all kids worry about stuff, be it monsters, fashion, weight, friends, bullies, burglars, or practical stuff. My kids are obsessive about seat belts, they will not let me start reversing in a car park or drive at 2 mph unless they have their seat belts on. In the scale of worries they might have in life, it's not something I'm concerned about. Particularly when it's something that they can be so easily reassured about or avoided "ok I'll wait, yes I have got travel insurance"... Unlike perhaps "yes your friends will all still like you if you don't have an expensive smartphone" - can't see that working :rotfl:

poet123

zagfles wrote: »

Of course it doesn't have to be, but in general kids, or even adults, who are obesesed with the superficial are generally rubbish with the practical, and vv.

Nearly all kids worry about stuff, be it monsters, fashion, weight, friends, bullies, burglars, or practical stuff. My kids are obsessive about seat belts, they will not let me start reversing in a car park or drive at 2 mph unless they have their seat belts on. In the scale of worries they might have in life, it's not something I'm concerned about. Particularly when it's something that they can be so easily reassured about or avoided "ok I'll wait, yes I have got travel insurance"... Unlike perhaps "yes your friends will all still like you if you don't have an expensive smartphone" - can't see that working :rotfl:

I think that most kids worry about "childish" things and I would be concerned if mine worried about "adult" issues at a young age.Those issues arise from exposure to things which imo they really should not need to concern themselves with because they already know the adults are on it. Such worries are absorbed, learned, because they feel that if they don't ask/do it it may not be done. My kids knew the door would be locked, they would never even have thought about travel insurance at 9, they knew we would checked what needed to be checked, etc, etc. It wasn't a worry or a concern for them.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

I think that most kids worry about "childish" things and I would be concerned if mine worried about "adult" issues at a young age.Those issues arise from exposure to things which imo they really should not need to concern themselves with because they already know the adults are on it. Such worries are absorbed, learned, because they feel that if they don't ask/do it it may not be done. My kids knew the door would be locked, they would never even have thought about travel insurance at 9, they knew we would checked what needed to be checked, etc, etc. It wasn't a worry or a concern for them.

I agree, I think it could be highly anxiety-inducing for children to feel worried about 'grown up' stuff that they have no control over. They worry, but they can't do anything to alleviate the worry.

zagfles

poet123 wrote: »

I think that most kids worry about "childish" things and I would be concerned if mine worried about "adult" issues at a young age.Those issues arise from exposure to things which imo they really should not need to concern themselves with because they already know the adults are on it. Such worries are absorbed, learned, because they feel that if they don't ask/do it it may not be done. My kids knew the door would be locked, they would never even have thought about travel insurance at 9, they knew we would checked what needed to be checked, etc, etc. It wasn't a worry or a concern for them.

But some kids enjoy getting involved in the practicalities of things, I certainly did when I was young. It's not so much worrying, I doubt the PP's son lies awake at night worrying about travel insurance, it's just they understand and enjoy getting involved in the practicalities of a holiday.

My kids aren't at all like that, but I was (and still am ). I used to like planning driving routes, train times, flight schedules, navigating, finding which platform/gate to go to, working out tube routes, all that kind of stuff. OK maybe I was a weird kid, but it wasn't a burden to me, or anything that caused me stress or worry, it was something I enjoyed.

FBaby

Very interesting though how some jumped to the conclusion that my stating that my son was concerned with doors being locked meant he was worried and/or anxious.

Again, it shows how overprotected kids are in this country. Being concerned about something does not mean being worried. You can be concerned out of interest, out of awareness or out of a sense of responsibility. If my son was so worried by nature, would he have suggested himself that he could get home on the bus? The example of the travel insurance wasn't a case of being worried, but because I had explained to him in the past why it was important to take insurance and he remembered, pure and simple, nothing about him being scared that I would be landed with a massive bill if one of us had to go to hospital!!

Many kids who suffer from anxieties are those brought up to think they are not capable of doing things themselves, so when they are exposed to it, they assume they will fail. There is such a strong message in telling kids they can't do something because they are not 'old enough', which a kid will read as 'not clever or good enough' or because they assume they will be 'up to no good', which will inevitably result in them being 'up to no good' since that was is expected of them.

Elzmumof3

I have read this thread with interest - once again i can't believe the way some people react, and how rude some peoples replies are.

I have a 9 year old, she has occasionally been left while I take the others to school/playschool if she is poorly, she is incredibly responsible, knows right from wrong, and knows how to phone me in an emergency - it is never for long.

it got me thinking how times have changed as well - at 9 i walked home from school with friends, from 12 i used to look after my younger brither for a couple of hours afterschool - i think we all survived!

zagfles

Person_one wrote: »

I agree, I think it could be highly anxiety-inducing for children to feel worried about 'grown up' stuff that they have no control over. They worry, but they can't do anything to alleviate the worry.

Child: "Mum have we got travel insurance?".
Mum:"Yes"
Worry over

FBaby

zagfles wrote: »

But some kids enjoy getting involved in the practicalities of things, I certainly did when I was young. It's not so much worrying, I doubt the PP's son lies awake at night worrying about travel insurance, it's just they understand and enjoy getting involved in the practicalities of a holiday.

My kids aren't at all like that, but I was (and still am ). I used to like planning driving routes, train times, flight schedules, navigating, finding which platform/gate to go to, working out tube routes, all that kind of stuff. OK maybe I was a weird kid, but it wasn't a burden to me, or anything that caused me stress or worry, it was something I enjoyed.

That's exactly it. My kids absolutely love travelling and getting involved in every part of it.

I am also very opened with my kids, discuss everything, and it is them getting involved, feeling they have some control over what is happening in their lives that makes them confident children. It doesn't stop them being children. My DD is obsessed with her look like all her friends, and my boy will talk football until he bores you to death, it is just that his interest will maybe go a bit further than a child is age. For example, he knows almost all the flags of the countries playing football and where they are on the map

Person_one

zagfles wrote: »

Child: "Mum have we got travel insurance?".
Mum:"Yes"
Worry over

Hopefully, and probably in most cases, but I've known a few children who've suffered with anxiety and I suspect it isn't always that simple

FBaby

If a child suffers from anxiety, whatever the cause, then that needs to be tackled with whichever means necessary.

The point is that it is not because a child shows a particular interest in 'adult' matters that he must be suffering from anxiety.