Importance of Friends?

Primrose

Life goes in stages and when you marry, this tends to form the dominating relationship in your life, and most people find that with work and immediate family priorities there often less time to keep up with friends. But they are a necessary part of our lives - not the Facebook type acquaintances but the genuine friends with whom you have interests in common and who are like rocks for mutual support in times of difficulty (which we all have occasionally).

Your wife is right to suggest you widen your social circle but do it carefully and gradually with people of common interest so that it stands the test of time. As years pass and parents and older relatives die, the family circle often grows smaller and you may then find that your friends are the glue which helps to hold the fabric of your life together. But remember, "to have a friend you must be a friend" so be prepared to spend time keeping your genuine friendships intact.

ninadam

I dont think you sound weird, you seem happy and normal and a good husband and father and its nice that you dont feel the need to go out on nights out and are happy to be with your family.

N X

Person_one

I can't imagine a life without friends, no matter how happy your relationship or how much you love your children. Its a completely different dynamic, not an either/or.

One of my grandmothers has never had any friends (largely because she's not very nice to people, but that's by the by!) and she's been pretty isolated since her husband died. She could live ten or fifteen more years and you can't rely on your grown up children for all your social needs.

You only have to look at the people on a bus at about 10am on a weekday to realise that, for women at least, its your female friends who last till the bitter end, not your husband.

lostinrates

I am guilty of nagging my husband to make time to see his friends.

This is partly because I think it's good for him to have 'man time' and partly for a more serious reason.

Because I have very bad health we have always been told my life expectancy is not going to be that great. While there is no immediate threat to me, my health has impacted on our social lives a lot. I often worry that without his friendships being maintained dh will have lost a valuable part of his 'support group' if anything happens to me. Many people do not have this 'reminder' of how fragile things are, maybe not health, but divorce or whatever.....friends are a good part of a life balance for the majority of people.

marisco_2

I dont think you are weird at all. You are clearly a devoted family man. There are people you work with who you interact with. Also you have a hobbie you pursue, where you know doubt come into contact with people, if only on a casual aquaintance basis.

Some people need to be surrounded by friends and have them entwined into every aspect of their life. Others prefer to blend them in to their lives when it suits them. I think the way your friendships have evolved is pretty normal. Every day life and individuals commitments and responsibilities can mean that people drift apart.

I am lucky to have a large group of friends. Some I see fairly regularly, others I can go for weeks or sometimes months without seeing. We do all try to stay in touch but sometimes it can be little more than a text or email. I am a typical lady though and a weekend will not go by where I haven't spent an hour or so chatting on the phone to one or other of them.

My friends come from all different parts of my life. A couple of them I have known since my early school days. Some I met at college, university, different jobs, people I have met from my travelling days etc.

I would suggest doing what makes you feel most comfy in regard to having friendships. You cant force something that you dont want to do when it comes to mixing with people.

scooby088

I have loads of acquaintances but none I would call a friend, as friends do come and go into your life. I do have friends but only see them rarely as most of them are also in long term relationships and have other commitments as do I, and I think we all understand that family comes first.

FBaby

Considering you have been having issues with your marriage, that statement would really concern me, sorry. It sounds like either she is saying that she finds it overbearing that you rely too much on her, or that she is worried that if you were to separate, you would be on your own and it puts pressure on her. Not trying to read behind the lines, but the timing is a bit suspicious.

In regards to whether you should have friends or not, of course it is up to you, but I have to say I do find it odd that someone could appreciate the value of friends. What would happen if, imagining the worse, things did end badly with your wife? Would you be ok without friends?

Both my partner and I have many friends and could imagine our lives without them. He goes out every Thursday evenings with them (not late and not all about drinking) and then and there week-ends too, as couples or not. He goes skiing once a year with his friends. I too have many friends who I meet regularly without him and enjoy it like it. Since living together, we have cut down quite a bit on the time with spend with our friends, but we still make sure we keep the friendships going.

Netwizard

I only have 3 or 4 friends I can rely on, but thats fine by me. Used to have lots of friends at work and go on lots of work outings, but sacked a lot of them off, as most of them only used to get in touch when they wanted something.

My one good mate from primary school got a job as a HGV driver and now works away so dont see him now.

One mate from secondry school is now married with kids so is under the thumb badly.

My social life is limited due to the fact I work nights but im quite happy on my own. Im the only singleton in my very small group of friends so used to being the odd one out.

Its important to have friends, but quality over quantity!

krustylouise

Hi,

Just wanted to say that I'm exactly the same, I'm a 28yr old single Mum, I work ft and don't have the energy of inclination to "hang out" with friends. It doesn't mean I don't care or don't place value on our friendship, I just enjoy time with DD and then myself (when I finally sit down at night or at the weekend!) so no I don't think you're weird

katie1812

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're saying at all! If you are happy and content as you are then there's no point in forcing the friends issue.

I'm 23, happily married, work full time and when I get home and have had tea etc, all I want to do is lie on the sofa in my pjs with my hubby! Since leaving school and sixth form, for a couple of years I stayed in touch with about 5 people, now it's none. I met lots of people at uni and with most we share an occasional facebook message. I have pretty much one best friend who I text most days and we meet up when we can, sometimes it'll be once a week, other times it'll be once a month. We both work as teachers and so our time is limited but our communication is still of a high level where we don't have to see each other all the time!

My husband is similar. He has work friends and his uni friends, but sees his uni mates perhaps once every 8 weeks for a weekend out.

I think you get to a point in life where you have settled down and actually don't need anyone except those closest to you!