How do people feed families on £40 a week?

dandelionclock30

Thats what I would do, after he has had his tea and your both tidying up tell him to make his sandwiches then and get him into a routine.You could get him some nice crisps and fruit at Aldi for his packed lunch.
They also have some cheap sandwich fillers like peanut butter and Nutella there which look nice.

spiritwood

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Thats what I would do, after he has had his tea and your both tidying up tell him to make his sandwiches then and get him into a routine.You could get him some nice crisps and fruit at Aldi for his packed lunch.
They also have some cheap sandwich fillers like peanut butter and Nutella there which look nice.

it is depressing that in 2013 women end up being not only a mother to a baby but their partner

dandelionclock30

I think OP is going to have to be firm, get him to start contributing properly or telling him to get out.

SandA

I am so grateful for this forum. I have found it so helpful and the advise is always excellent.

I won't go into more detail about my life because it will become obvious who I am to family (they know I use this forum, I have been on the phone today and opened up about my situation, so wouldn't be suprised if they have seen this).

My issues stem further then buying cheaper shopping. He's a good man at heart, I just think he has got lost in his ways and perhaps forgets about me at times. He thinks I am being lazy because I don't get dressed or go out, its not laziness its just loss of absolute motivation to do anything because I am constantly online worrying about the future.

I am going to sit him down and have a good talk with him and let him know whats going on, I don't usually show stress etc but its occupying my life now. So thanks to all for making me see that things arent going to get better until I make them.

Fire_Fox

SandA wrote: »

Yes thats definitely the issue.

Problem is my OH does not realise the financial situation we are in. He doesn't seem to understand that overdrafts won't pay themselves, and when it comes to my little ones first birthday, it breaks my heart that as it stands I can offer him no party, and nothing memorable. It won't be until this point that OH realises that its not choice to reduce our shopping bill, its essential. Our gas and electricity is spiralling out of control at the minute, I know at my review there going to put my direct debit up which makes it worse. I am trying to pay for £110 gas, electricity and water, £33 phone, all of the food shopping, £85 car insurance and £101 council tax out of child tax credit, working tax credit and child benefit.

The problem with the OH is he works hard, in a job he hates, and so goes out once per month spending anything from £60-£100. I can't deny him of that.

My only option is to not take him with me and do it myself. Perhaps I need to deny him going out and wasting money we don't have and spending every penny he has on 'branded' food before he realises what situation he puts me in every month. Maybe wearing clothes to small for him since having baby 8 months ago might make him realise.

Heres to hoping.

You shouldn't be denying him anything, he's not a second child. Nor do you need to spend money on your baby's first birthday, they won't remember it and according to your other threads you already overspent and are in credit card debt due to baby's first Christmas.

Complete one of these in full so you know where every last tenner goes every month. Then print out two others and only put in the essentials/ non negotiables - so your income, TV licence, energy DD, council tax. Hand one to hubby to complete and you complete the other, agree between you budgets for food, nights out, birthdays etc. Cut up your credit cards and stick to the budget, if he can't do that then frankly he should be using condoms.
http://www.stoozing.com/msoc/soacalc.php

SandA wrote: »

Ok my meal plans for the week are:

Friday - Risotto (with mushrooms and chicken thigh, chicken stock (heinz veg stock for little one) onion and soy sauce)

Saturday - Early Sunday roast (With roasties, frozen veg, chicken, gravy, parsnips, yorkshires, cheese sauce)

Sunday - Chicken Casserole (Using frozen carrots left in frozen veg (there always seems to be loads of carrots in those?!), onion, left over chicken. Already have a packet of colmans sauce mix in)

Monday - Omelette (Eggs, some of the chicken thigh, onion, mushrooms if any left) served with chips probably)

Tuesday - Quiche, new potatoes and green beans

Wednesday - Sausage casserole (Sausages, baked beans, cannelini beans, tomato puree, paprika, onion)

Thursday - Curry (Using rest of chicken thigh, rice, some frozen bhajis I have, pashwiri naan)

Friday - Sausage and pasta (Sausages, onion, pasta and tomato soup)

Here is our list.

Mushrooms 350g
3 Onions
1Kg long grain rice
Whole chicken (1.5kgish)
chicken thigh (500g)
gravy granules
cheese sauce (packet)
parsnips (although will sacrifice these if necessary)
Potatoes (enough for roasties for 4 + baby, can I use the new potatoes from aldi, I home make roasties)
Goose fat - Again, will sacrifice if can't get cheaper then £1.50
Yorkshire puddings frozen
Garlic bread (2 baguettes)
Pasta shells 1kg
Pork Sausages (12)
Bacon (Enough for breakfast over the weekend)
12 eggs (breakfasts, omelette, scrambled egg for little one)
12 bread rolls (for cobs)
Bread 400g (toast for little one)
Curry sauce (Usually korma, usually get it for a £1 on offer)
Pashwiri naan (Usually find these for pennies, but will sacrifice if can't get cheap)
Tomato soup (sausage and pasta)
Cannelni beans
Soy sauce (for serving with risotto)
Kitchen roll
Multisurface cleaner
Quiche
Tinned new potatoes
green beans (frozen)
stuffing mix / frozen stuffing
baby milk (7.99)
squash (2 bottles of, usually on offer for 2, only reason why I get 2)
tea bags
fruit pots for little one (usually cow and gate ones, I dont think there to expensive)
Pasta 'n' Sauce / noodles for lunch for me during the week

xx

Again unhealthy ready made foods, LOADS of processed wheat, doesn't look like at least 50% of starchy carbs as wholegrains. Everything in red is processed, most of it has little in the way of nutrients.

Why are you having meat twice a day? Eat fish twice a week, other than that have vegetarian meals. Where are the dairy products?

You are not buying the full rainbow of colours of fruit and veg, it's mostly white/ brown. You could make the fruit pots cheaper or use more nutritious fruits (think bright/ dark).

Buy a large bag of real potatoes instead of tinned, large bag of cheap onions instead of loose, make your own stuffing, Yorkshire puddings, make your own sauces, make your own garlic bread, cans of tomatoes/ passata/ tomato puree instead of soup, kidney beans or dried red/ yellow lentils (cook from raw) instead of cannellini beans, switch from mushrooms to cheaper veg.

Also should cut back on salt, I think you'd be surprised how much you are eating with all that.

miwa

SandA wrote: »

My issues stem further then buying cheaper shopping. He's a good man at heart, I just think he has got lost in his ways and perhaps forgets about me at times. He thinks I am being lazy because I don't get dressed or go out, its not laziness its just loss of absolute motivation to do anything because I am constantly online worrying about the future.

While I think your partner was insensitive to say you need to see a doctor, if your financial anxiety is causing you real upset (which it sounds like it is) you have to go further than shopping at Aldi. Have you thought about seeking debt/money advice? There seems to be a lot out there and it is free.

Of course you can't be debt free if your partner is spending money and regularly going over his overdraft, nor do I think you should bail him out every time. Do you have separate bank accounts? I think you should leave him to his own devices RE: his own debt. Let him pay it off himself until he learns not to spend money like water. Of course bills still need to be paid, the food budget worked out, ect. so let him work it out. It's what he expects of you after all. You aren't his mum and you don't have to pay his way.

maman

SandA wrote: »

I am going to be confident, as when he first moved in, we were buying crisps, chocolate, fizzy drinks etc and over time I have reduced junk food to pretty much none. He just needs to stop being such a snob, ingredients are ingredients, food in aldi isn't going to poision him and as many have shown, its often nicer food. I feel he is typically brainwashed into believing that because it is so cheap it must be bad. Perhaps one good shop in there will make him see that is not the case. So if he strops about it, he can just stay at home instead

So you've made progress and maybe he'll be impressed by the BMWs and Range Rovers in the car park these days. Aldi is a mainstream supermarket in Germany which is why their 'cheap' lines are so much better than the value/basics in other stores. What you don't get there is the 'shopping experience' that you get in, say, Waitrose or Sainsbury's. The stores themselves are certainly 'no frills'. If you've never been before do take your own bags and be prepared for the way the checkouts operate. They push everything through rapidly and what you're meant to do is put it back in the trolley and then move to a shelf at the side to pack your bags after you've paid. Unless you're in Wales, they don't do credit cards.

SandA wrote: »

I am going to be less neglectful in making his sandwiches for work, I admittedly forget sometimes. One thing he does which is very pathetic, is he realises in the morning I have forgot so he doesn't bother making them himself (and the chicken costs £2.70 a pack way I add!) and goes for a Mcdonalds instead! I am glad he doesn't do this everytime but still?!

So if I just remember to always make them, he won't waste more money on food at work, perhaps then he will have a little bit left over, even if its just £20 a month, it will make a big difference.

I will have words tonight about it. No point burying it under the carpet.

One thing Aldi does really well is cooked meat. It's a continental thing so they're experts. All sorts of hams, chicken etc. Again a cheap way of getting 'meat' into meals is to buy their frankfurters. They're tasty (pinged) in a hot sandwich (like a hot dog) or chopped into pasta with sauce. They cost £1 for 10, freeze well, and are every bit as good as the Herta ones.

I do hope you don't mind the discussion lurching from shopping to getting your OH on board and back to shopping again. It's just that the two are linked and many of us are surprised that there are young men out there still who expect their partners to do everything for them. That was bad enough in the dark ages when at least they provided all the money but not in 2013!!

BTW, many congratulations on starting this thread. It's hugely interesting and popular. Well done you!:T

paulineb_2

1 He can make his own bloody sandwiches. Seriously how long does it take to slap a bit of filling between two slices of bread. You are up all night with the baby. Its not being neglectful. What would he do if you werent around? Starve? I dont think so. Please stop feeling guilty over things you arent doing but he should be. Ive been in a couple of relationships and a long time ago, Im talking about 20 years. We didnt live together, but they were USELESS with money and that impacted on us massively. Needless to say they eventually got the heave and Im not suggesting you boot him to the kerb but there are some men out there who were obviously indulged by their mothers and grow up and always have someone to bail them out when they put a foot wrong. Eventually you will start to get resentful if you arent already. Put your foot down about the shopping budget (you are already doing this), stop bailing him out when he runs out of cash and get him to make his own sandwiches, its really not much to ask when you are dealing with a baby and getting up during the night. He may miss his old lifestyle, but he needs to stop hanging onto it otherwise he might be seeing his old single lifestyle for good if he doesnt stop being so selfish.

2. No one ever died from eating aldi food rather than tescos finest.

3 Also, make time to do something for you. Regardless of your debt. Buy a magazine or book, you can get free e books online or you can get a magazine in a charity shop for 10p (if you like reading). We only get one life, there has to be some enjoyment and I know perfectly well what it feels like to have money worries hanging over you. But you can make changes. However, hes not a passenger in all this, he has to man up and act like an adult and make some changes himself. Soon.

I hope you feel a bit brighter for posting all of this.

Edwardia

Where do the guys get this attitude from though, swapping mother for partner but expecting to be mothered ?

I would suggest looking at Early Start as there may be classes you can got to on budgeting and managing family life and you'd get out meeting other people and getting more confidence. You'd also meet the mothers of kids the same age as yours so the first day at playgroup/nursery school/primary school wouldn't be so daunting for you/child.

If you're sitting around feeling down and not dressed, you're just giving him an excuse to have a go at you. I make sure mine doesn;t have any excuse to have a go whatsoever. If he throws a tantrum - he stomped off and slept in his office on one occasion he just looks like the child he is.

If you're used to money and then suddenly don't have it, it is tough. My father was wealthy but I never got pocket money and bro and I had to work ourselves through college and uni. I had a decent job when I met OH and then being in the depths of the country and being expected to eat burgers was awful. I learned how to cook cheaper food and ended up with diabetes. That's why I don't think cheap food is a good shortcut.

cte1111

Quick DIY tikka masala sauce:

Chop and fry some onions
Add meat to brown (or veg instead / as well)
Add teaspoon of curry powder
Finally - tin of cream of tomato soup
Leave to simmer